Interviewer 1 - Salma Flashcards
(beginning of Scene 1. INTERVIEWER 1 sits at her desk. INTERVIEWER 2 enters, a worried look on his face.)
INTERVIEWER 1: So?
INTERVIEWER 2: We’re short.
INTERVIEWER 1: We’re short?
INTERVIEWER 2: We are…short.
INTERVIEWER 1: By how much?
INTERVIEWER 2: That’s the kicker. We’re short by one student.
INTERVIEWER 1: One student!
INTERVIEWER 2: One stupid…student.
INTERVIEWER 1: Are you kidding me? The dean really thinks one student is going to make a difference?
INTERVIEWER 2: You know how anal he is with budgets. He’s convinced if we can get one more kid to enroll this year, all our financial problems will be solved.
INTERVIEWER 1: But we don’t have any more interviews scheduled. When does he want our recommendation by?
INTERVIEWER 2: Today.
INTERVIEWER 1: Today?
INTERVIEWER 2: Or we’re fired.
INTERVIEWER 1: Or we’re.. fired? What sense does that make?
INTERVIEWER 2: I think he still blames us for accepting that pyromaniac that burned down the science center.
INTERVIEWER 1: But he had an amazing essay! How were we to know?
(INTERVIEWER 2 shrugs. INTERVIEWER 1 shakes his head in disgust.)
INTERVIEWER 1: Well, what are we going to do? We finished our interviews last week.
INTERVIEWER 2: Look through the wait listed files and start calling. If any of them can see us today, let’s give them a shot.
INTERVIEWER 1: The wait list? Oh God.
INTERVIEWER 2: Hey, our backs are against the wall here. If we don’t find a diamond in the rough.. we’re out of here.
(INTERVIEWER 1 nods her head.)
INTERVIEWER 1: Alright, I’ll start making calls. Good luck.
(beginning of Scene 2. HAROLD, normal, nice kid, enters INTERVIEWER 1’s office.)
INTERVIEWER 1: Harold, thanks for coming in.
HAROLD: Thanks for having me.
INTERVIEWER 1: Did you have any trouble finding the Barrow building?
HAROLD: Um…that’s a personal matter and…I’d rather not answer (Beat. Huh?)
INTERVIEWER 1: Well, okay, shall we get started?
HAROLD: Sometimes.
INTERVIEWER 1: I… well let me start by telling you about how this University differs from others in the state. We’re a smaller school, with smaller class sizes and personal attention, but we have the resources of a big state school. These resources include amazing internships, and a faculty of practicing professionals.
HAROLD: Well I’m glad to hear that. When I applied in-state one of my big fears was being overwhelmed by huge lecture classes.
INTERVIEWER 1: Well that is exactly the atmosphere we try to avoid here. Now, have you thought about a major yet?
HAROLD: That is my MOTHER you’re talking about here!
(Beat.)
Oh dear, you didn’t just ask to see my mother in a two-piece bathing suit, did you?
INTERVIEWER 1: No, I didn’t
HAROLD: Allow me to explain. I have an extremely rare disorder known as “Chronaquestimixidous.” It’s a neurological condition which renders a person incapable of hearing a question… correctly.
INTERVIEWER 1: And by correctly you mean-
HAROLD: Every time you ask a question, I hear a completely different one.
INTERVIEWER 1: I see. How come I’ve never heard of “chrona-questimixidous,” before?
HAROLD: Eleanor Roosevelt…probably.
(HAROLD hands INTERVIEWER 1 a doctor’s note.)
I probably should’ve told you as soon as I came in. Sorry, I just don’t like to make a big deal about it.
INTERVIEWER 1: Well… Harold, I don’t know what I can do exactly. A college interview is primarily the asking of questions.
HAROLD: So… if a deaf person came into your office, you’d just refuse to do the interview?
INTERVIEWER 1: No, I would make sure a translator fluent in sign language was available to aid in the interview.
HAROLD: Well I’m sorry that the AMA hasn’t recognized CQM as a legitimate medical condition, but I try to live my life in a normal and healthy way, and I would appreciate it if you treated me the same as any other prospective student.
INTERVIEWER 1: I… suppose you’re right but, well… okay, shall we continue with the interview?
HAROLD: It’s in Argentina, isn’t it?
INTERVIEWER 1: Um, yes…sure is. So, what kind of extra-curricular activities are you interested in?
HAROLD: Seventh grade, Melissa Bloch. We both had braces, it was kind of awkward.
INTERVIEWER 1: What’s your favorite subject in school?
HAROLD: I would take South Pike road, except during rush hour.
INTERVIEWER 1: What’s your favorite color?
HAROLD: Every Sunday.
INTERVIEWER 1: Is it me or is this completely pointless?
HAROLD: I don’t know too much about the salivary gland. Sorry.
INTERVIEWER 1: Well, that went well, thank you so much for stopping by.
HAROLD: Thank you.
(HAROLD stands up to leave.)
INTERVIEWER 1: Do you need directions to get back on the I-40?
HAROLD: Cookie Monster. I guess I just like googley eyes. Is that weird?
INTERVIEWER 1: A little. Yeah.
(beginning of Scene 4, INTERVIEWER 1 sits with MARIA)
INTERVIEWER 1: And our women’s basketball team, while not nationally ranked, has gone to the AA tournament for the last several years. And even if you’re not interested in that level of commitment, we have several clubs where you can play on a more casual level.
(MARIA barely acknowledges INTERVIEWER 1’s words.)
INTERVIEWER 1: You know, I feel like I’ve been talking this entire time. You’ve been very quiet.
(MARIA vomits, they sit for a moment.)
MARIA: I don’t think I feel so good.
INTERVIEWER 1: What gave you that idea?
(beginning of Scene 6. INTERVIEWER 1 with LILY)
INTERVIEWER 1: Thanks again for coming in on such short notice.
LILY: Please, it was no trouble at all.
INTERVIEWER 1: So tell me about yourself? What subjects do you like in school, do you have any hobbies? You know stuff like that.
LILY: Hobbies? I have a few, I suppose. I used to be really into swimming but…I haven’t…not since. that day.
(LILY simmers with emotion.)
INTERVIEWER 1: Are you okay? We don’t have to…
LILY: (long monologue 1) …I jumped into the water and swam over as quickly as I could but…I was too late.. he was…
(LILY is overcome with emotion.)
LILY: That was eight years ago and…I’ve never set foot in a pool since.
INTERVIEWER 1: Lily, that was very brave of you to share this with me. Witnessing a death like that…especially that of such a young child-
LILY: No, he didn’t die.
INTERVIEWER 1: He didn’t?
LILY: No, the lifeguard pulled him out of the water.
INTERVIEWER 1: Oh, well even seeing a near death experience-
LILY: He was only in the water a few seconds when the lifeguard pulled him out.
INTERVIEWER 1: He was?
LILY: Yes.
INTERVIEWER 1: I thought you said “it was too late”?
LILY: IT WAS TOO LATE FOR ME! I couldn’t save him because…I was TOO…late…
(LILY is overcome with emotion.)
INTERVIEWER 1: So…you saw a child fall into the pool, and then a lifeguard pulled him out…and that..?