Interviewer 1 - Salma Flashcards
(beginning of Scene 1. INTERVIEWER 1 sits at her desk. INTERVIEWER 2 enters, a worried look on his face.)
INTERVIEWER 1: So?
INTERVIEWER 2: We’re short.
INTERVIEWER 1: We’re short?
INTERVIEWER 2: We are…short.
INTERVIEWER 1: By how much?
INTERVIEWER 2: That’s the kicker. We’re short by one student.
INTERVIEWER 1: One student!
INTERVIEWER 2: One stupid…student.
INTERVIEWER 1: Are you kidding me? The dean really thinks one student is going to make a difference?
INTERVIEWER 2: You know how anal he is with budgets. He’s convinced if we can get one more kid to enroll this year, all our financial problems will be solved.
INTERVIEWER 1: But we don’t have any more interviews scheduled. When does he want our recommendation by?
INTERVIEWER 2: Today.
INTERVIEWER 1: Today?
INTERVIEWER 2: Or we’re fired.
INTERVIEWER 1: Or we’re.. fired? What sense does that make?
INTERVIEWER 2: I think he still blames us for accepting that pyromaniac that burned down the science center.
INTERVIEWER 1: But he had an amazing essay! How were we to know?
(INTERVIEWER 2 shrugs. INTERVIEWER 1 shakes his head in disgust.)
INTERVIEWER 1: Well, what are we going to do? We finished our interviews last week.
INTERVIEWER 2: Look through the wait listed files and start calling. If any of them can see us today, let’s give them a shot.
INTERVIEWER 1: The wait list? Oh God.
INTERVIEWER 2: Hey, our backs are against the wall here. If we don’t find a diamond in the rough.. we’re out of here.
(INTERVIEWER 1 nods her head.)
INTERVIEWER 1: Alright, I’ll start making calls. Good luck.
(beginning of Scene 2. HAROLD, normal, nice kid, enters INTERVIEWER 1’s office.)
INTERVIEWER 1: Harold, thanks for coming in.
HAROLD: Thanks for having me.
INTERVIEWER 1: Did you have any trouble finding the Barrow building?
HAROLD: Um…that’s a personal matter and…I’d rather not answer (Beat. Huh?)
INTERVIEWER 1: Well, okay, shall we get started?
HAROLD: Sometimes.
INTERVIEWER 1: I… well let me start by telling you about how this University differs from others in the state. We’re a smaller school, with smaller class sizes and personal attention, but we have the resources of a big state school. These resources include amazing internships, and a faculty of practicing professionals.
HAROLD: Well I’m glad to hear that. When I applied in-state one of my big fears was being overwhelmed by huge lecture classes.
INTERVIEWER 1: Well that is exactly the atmosphere we try to avoid here. Now, have you thought about a major yet?
HAROLD: That is my MOTHER you’re talking about here!
(Beat.)
Oh dear, you didn’t just ask to see my mother in a two-piece bathing suit, did you?
INTERVIEWER 1: No, I didn’t
HAROLD: Allow me to explain. I have an extremely rare disorder known as “Chronaquestimixidous.” It’s a neurological condition which renders a person incapable of hearing a question… correctly.
INTERVIEWER 1: And by correctly you mean-
HAROLD: Every time you ask a question, I hear a completely different one.
INTERVIEWER 1: I see. How come I’ve never heard of “chrona-questimixidous,” before?
HAROLD: Eleanor Roosevelt…probably.
(HAROLD hands INTERVIEWER 1 a doctor’s note.)
I probably should’ve told you as soon as I came in. Sorry, I just don’t like to make a big deal about it.
INTERVIEWER 1: Well… Harold, I don’t know what I can do exactly. A college interview is primarily the asking of questions.
HAROLD: So… if a deaf person came into your office, you’d just refuse to do the interview?
INTERVIEWER 1: No, I would make sure a translator fluent in sign language was available to aid in the interview.
HAROLD: Well I’m sorry that the AMA hasn’t recognized CQM as a legitimate medical condition, but I try to live my life in a normal and healthy way, and I would appreciate it if you treated me the same as any other prospective student.
INTERVIEWER 1: I… suppose you’re right but, well… okay, shall we continue with the interview?
HAROLD: It’s in Argentina, isn’t it?
INTERVIEWER 1: Um, yes…sure is. So, what kind of extra-curricular activities are you interested in?