Interviewer 1 - Salma Flashcards

1
Q

(beginning of Scene 1. INTERVIEWER 1 sits at her desk. INTERVIEWER 2 enters, a worried look on his face.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: So?

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2
Q

INTERVIEWER 2: We’re short.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: We’re short?

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3
Q

INTERVIEWER 2: We are…short.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: By how much?

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4
Q

INTERVIEWER 2: That’s the kicker. We’re short by one student.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: One student!

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5
Q

INTERVIEWER 2: One stupid…student.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Are you kidding me? The dean really thinks one student is going to make a difference?

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6
Q

INTERVIEWER 2: You know how anal he is with budgets. He’s convinced if we can get one more kid to enroll this year, all our financial problems will be solved.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: But we don’t have any more interviews scheduled. When does he want our recommendation by?

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7
Q

INTERVIEWER 2: Today.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Today?

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8
Q

INTERVIEWER 2: Or we’re fired.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Or we’re.. fired? What sense does that make?

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9
Q

INTERVIEWER 2: I think he still blames us for accepting that pyromaniac that burned down the science center.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: But he had an amazing essay! How were we to know?

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10
Q

(INTERVIEWER 2 shrugs. INTERVIEWER 1 shakes his head in disgust.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Well, what are we going to do? We finished our interviews last week.

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11
Q

INTERVIEWER 2: Look through the wait listed files and start calling. If any of them can see us today, let’s give them a shot.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: The wait list? Oh God.

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12
Q

INTERVIEWER 2: Hey, our backs are against the wall here. If we don’t find a diamond in the rough.. we’re out of here.

A

(INTERVIEWER 1 nods her head.)
INTERVIEWER 1: Alright, I’ll start making calls. Good luck.

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13
Q

(beginning of Scene 2. HAROLD, normal, nice kid, enters INTERVIEWER 1’s office.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Harold, thanks for coming in.

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14
Q

HAROLD: Thanks for having me.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Did you have any trouble finding the Barrow building?

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15
Q

HAROLD: Um…that’s a personal matter and…I’d rather not answer (Beat. Huh?)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Well, okay, shall we get started?

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16
Q

HAROLD: Sometimes.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: I… well let me start by telling you about how this University differs from others in the state. We’re a smaller school, with smaller class sizes and personal attention, but we have the resources of a big state school. These resources include amazing internships, and a faculty of practicing professionals.

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17
Q

HAROLD: Well I’m glad to hear that. When I applied in-state one of my big fears was being overwhelmed by huge lecture classes.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Well that is exactly the atmosphere we try to avoid here. Now, have you thought about a major yet?

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18
Q

HAROLD: That is my MOTHER you’re talking about here!
(Beat.)
Oh dear, you didn’t just ask to see my mother in a two-piece bathing suit, did you?

A

INTERVIEWER 1: No, I didn’t

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19
Q

HAROLD: Allow me to explain. I have an extremely rare disorder known as “Chronaquestimixidous.” It’s a neurological condition which renders a person incapable of hearing a question… correctly.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: And by correctly you mean-

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20
Q

HAROLD: Every time you ask a question, I hear a completely different one.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: I see. How come I’ve never heard of “chrona-questimixidous,” before?

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21
Q

HAROLD: Eleanor Roosevelt…probably.
(HAROLD hands INTERVIEWER 1 a doctor’s note.)
I probably should’ve told you as soon as I came in. Sorry, I just don’t like to make a big deal about it.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Well… Harold, I don’t know what I can do exactly. A college interview is primarily the asking of questions.

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22
Q

HAROLD: So… if a deaf person came into your office, you’d just refuse to do the interview?

A

INTERVIEWER 1: No, I would make sure a translator fluent in sign language was available to aid in the interview.

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23
Q

HAROLD: Well I’m sorry that the AMA hasn’t recognized CQM as a legitimate medical condition, but I try to live my life in a normal and healthy way, and I would appreciate it if you treated me the same as any other prospective student.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: I… suppose you’re right but, well… okay, shall we continue with the interview?

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24
Q

HAROLD: It’s in Argentina, isn’t it?

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Um, yes…sure is. So, what kind of extra-curricular activities are you interested in?

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25
Q

HAROLD: Seventh grade, Melissa Bloch. We both had braces, it was kind of awkward.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: What’s your favorite subject in school?

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26
Q

HAROLD: I would take South Pike road, except during rush hour.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: What’s your favorite color?

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27
Q

HAROLD: Every Sunday.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Is it me or is this completely pointless?

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28
Q

HAROLD: I don’t know too much about the salivary gland. Sorry.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Well, that went well, thank you so much for stopping by.

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29
Q

HAROLD: Thank you.
(HAROLD stands up to leave.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Do you need directions to get back on the I-40?

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30
Q

HAROLD: Cookie Monster. I guess I just like googley eyes. Is that weird?

A

INTERVIEWER 1: A little. Yeah.

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31
Q

(beginning of Scene 4, INTERVIEWER 1 sits with MARIA)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: And our women’s basketball team, while not nationally ranked, has gone to the AA tournament for the last several years. And even if you’re not interested in that level of commitment, we have several clubs where you can play on a more casual level.

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32
Q

(MARIA barely acknowledges INTERVIEWER 1’s words.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: You know, I feel like I’ve been talking this entire time. You’ve been very quiet.

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33
Q

(MARIA vomits, they sit for a moment.)
MARIA: I don’t think I feel so good.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: What gave you that idea?

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34
Q

(beginning of Scene 6. INTERVIEWER 1 with LILY)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Thanks again for coming in on such short notice.

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35
Q

LILY: Please, it was no trouble at all.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: So tell me about yourself? What subjects do you like in school, do you have any hobbies? You know stuff like that.

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36
Q

LILY: Hobbies? I have a few, I suppose. I used to be really into swimming but…I haven’t…not since. that day.
(LILY simmers with emotion.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Are you okay? We don’t have to…

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37
Q

LILY: (long monologue 1) …I jumped into the water and swam over as quickly as I could but…I was too late.. he was…
(LILY is overcome with emotion.)
LILY: That was eight years ago and…I’ve never set foot in a pool since.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Lily, that was very brave of you to share this with me. Witnessing a death like that…especially that of such a young child-

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38
Q

LILY: No, he didn’t die.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: He didn’t?

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39
Q

LILY: No, the lifeguard pulled him out of the water.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Oh, well even seeing a near death experience-

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40
Q

LILY: He was only in the water a few seconds when the lifeguard pulled him out.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: He was?

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41
Q

LILY: Yes.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: I thought you said “it was too late”?

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42
Q

LILY: IT WAS TOO LATE FOR ME! I couldn’t save him because…I was TOO…late…
(LILY is overcome with emotion.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: So…you saw a child fall into the pool, and then a lifeguard pulled him out…and that..?

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43
Q

(LILY is too distraught to answer.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: You know what, let’s just…move on.

44
Q

(LILY nods her head.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: What is it about this school that interests you?
Why do you want to come here?

45
Q

LILY: (long monologue 2) …and those words… were the last I ever said to Amanda.
(LILY is once again overcome with emotion.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: I am…so sorry. Losing a best friend like that…I can’t imagine how awful that must have been for you.

46
Q

LILY: It was, it really was.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: How old was Amanda when she passed?

47
Q

LILY: Passed?

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Died

48
Q

LILY: She didn’t die.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: What?

49
Q

LILY: No. She’s going to Yale in the fall. She’s very smart.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: I thought you said that was the last time you ever spoke to her.

50
Q

LILY: It was. We had a falling out after that.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: A falling out, what like a big fight or…

51
Q

LILY: No, we just went our separate ways. It was mutual.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: So… just to set the record straight. You saw a kid fall into a pool who was almost immediately picked up by a life-guard, and you lost touch with a friend. These are the events that have shaped your life and caused you so much emotional distress?

52
Q

LILY: You weren’t there! You don’t know what it’s like to actually… be there and…see it!
(Beat. INTERVIEWER 1 gives up.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Well, it was great to meet you. I have a meeting in a few minutes, so…

53
Q

LILY: Oh. Of course. Thank you for seeing me.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: And uh, I know it’s not my place but…you might want to consider some kind of…therapy.

54
Q

(beginning of Scene 8, INTERVIEWER 1 greets KELLY.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Hi, you must be Kelly.

55
Q

KELLY: Yes! Hi…

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Great, take a seat.

56
Q

KELLY: Sure! (INTERVIEWER 1 opens her file.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: So, let’s see here…oh! You know what, we never received your college essay.

57
Q

KELLY: Oh absolutely. I’ve got it right here in my bag! (hands paper to INTERVIEWER 1)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: That’s great, thank you…so, uh…I’m sorry, this is your college essay?

58
Q

KELLY: That’s right. (1)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: But…it’s…this is a drawing of a girl…in a pink dress. saying “oh boy!”

59
Q

KELLY: Oh boy! (1)
(awkward beat)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Okay, well, let’s look at your transcript shall we…
(INTERVIEWER 1 opens Kelly’s file and is speechless.)
INTERVIEWER 1: You have no GPA?

60
Q

(INTERVIEWER 1 opens Kelly’s file and is speechless.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: You have no GPA?

61
Q

KELLY: That’s right. (2)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: And you didn’t take the SATs?

62
Q

KELLY: Well now, how about that!

A

INTERVIEWER 1: According to this, you have a perfect attendance record, but have refused to do any homework or take any tests.

63
Q

KELLY: That’s right.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: But.. Kelly, I’m not even sure how you got to this point. You can’t go to college without a GPA.

64
Q

KELLY: Perhaps you’d like to see my recommendation.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: No, Kelly, I’m…there is no way any University, let alone ours, is going to-

65
Q

(KELLY hands INTERVIEWER 1 another piece of paper.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: This is a picture of a cat…saying “meow.”

66
Q

KELLY: (Correcting:) Me-ow. Yes.
(KELLY nods her head and gives a big “dead behind the eyes” smile.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Well, thank you for coming, we’ll be in touch

67
Q

KELLY: Alright then, you take care.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Okay.

68
Q

KELLY: Oh boy! (2)
(KELLY doesn’t get up.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Please leave, you’re freaking me out.
(She doesn’t.)

69
Q

(Scene 10, INTERVIEWER 1 with EVE)
EVE: NOTHING’S GONNA BRING…ME..
_DOOOOOWWWW-
WWN!
(Beat.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Wow, well you are obviously very talented, but… again, and I can’t stress this enough, this IS NOT the audition for the theatre program so…a monologue and two songs really aren’t-

70
Q

(Scene 12, INTERVIEWER 1 and BEN in mid-laugh)
BEN: And the entire audience is COMPLETELY drenched!

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Oh man! Wow!

71
Q

BEN: Needless to say that was the LAST time I ever went to Sea World.
(The laughter peters out.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Well I’ve gotta tell you Ben, everything looks great. Solid SATs, GPA high above our school’s average, and your essay was…well to be honest, quite moving.

72
Q

BEN: Well, this is such a great university, I’d be honored to attend.
(They stand up and shake hands.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Hey, we’d be lucky to have you. Are you applying to any other schools?

73
Q

BEN: Nope. Just here.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Oh, okay, great. Great.

74
Q

(Beat.)
BEN: So…

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Uh…yes?

75
Q

BEN: I’m in then?

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Well, no. I mean not yet. I have to pass this along to my supervisors and…

76
Q

(BEN releases his hand and sits down. Has a cold, calculating look on his face.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: It’s a process, you know, I can’t officially-

77
Q

BEN: (Dead pan and intense:) Sit down.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: What?

78
Q

BEN: Sit down, won’t you?

A

(INTERVIEWER 1 sits down.)
INTERVIEWER 1: Is there a problem?

79
Q

BEN: That depends on you. You see, for reasons I can’t entirely explain to you at this moment, it is vital that I attend this University. I’ve been meticulously planning for this day, years of SAT prep, AP classes, all in the hopes of being accepted. I was intending to hear an answer today.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Well, I’m sorry, I… don’t have the authority to just let you in right now.

80
Q

BEN: There are forces at play here friend, forces that you cannot possibly comprehend. But trust me, it is very vital, and not just for me, but for the entire student body and faculty that I am enrolled for the fall semester. Many lives hang in the balance. You don’t want to be held responsible for the loss of life, do you?

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Of course not..but…how is me letting you in today going to save lives?

81
Q

BEN: The world is a series of connections and plans, every human being affects another, every decision has a consequence, and this decision… this decision will be the most important one you’ll ever make.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Ben, you’re being incredibly vague and…besides, it’s not as simple as “me letting you in.”

82
Q

BEN: An oral agreement is legally binding in this state. So, in fact, it is that simple.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Look, what I can tell you is that it’s practically a done deal, I’m going to give you a great recommendation, and with your stats-

83
Q

BEN: THAT’S NOT… what I’m asking for.
(Tense beat.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Ben, let’s not ruin what was a great interview by-

84
Q

BEN: I’m not leaving until I get my answer.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Well you’re going to have to because I have another prospective coming in at one.

85
Q

BEN: No you don’t. Your four o’clock cancelled this morning. You don’t have another appointment until Rebecca Smith at 4:45.
(Beat. INTERVIEWER 1 is now kinda freaked out.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: How did you… did you break into my e-mail or something?

86
Q

(BEN looks straight ahead.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Okay, you know what, I’m not sure what happened here, but I’m going to have to call security.

87
Q

(INTERVIEWER 1 picks up the phone. He clicks the receiver a couple of times.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Hello I…hello, hello?

88
Q

BEN: Doors locked. And we’re ten stories up so the windows wouldn’t be a very.. safe option either.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Alright, who are you?

89
Q

BEN: A name is but a label, and I have many labels but that’s not important right now. What’s important is that you, tell me, right now… exactly what I was hoping to hear.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Ben if I could I would, it’s just-

90
Q

(The lights go out. BEN immediately turns a flashlight, under-lighting his face. When INTERVIEWER 1 talks, he points the light on him.)
BEN: It’s only an outage, friend. Circuits break all the time.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Please, I don’t have any real authority. An acceptance from me would be meaningless-

91
Q

BEN: Then there’s no reason not to say it.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Why are you doing this?

92
Q

BEN: I’m not doing this, you’re doing this. And it can all go away with three little words-

A

INTERVIEWER 1: But it won’t-

93
Q

BEN: NO! THOSE AREN’T THE RIGHT WORDS! SAY IT! JUST SAY IT!

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Okay! I… you’ve been accepted. You’ve been accepted. You’ll be enrolled in the fall semester upon hearing of your acceptance.

94
Q

(beginning of Scene 14. INTERVIEWER 2 enters Interviewer 1’s office, defeated.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Not one?

95
Q

INTERVIEWER 2: Not a single…one.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: This is bad.

96
Q

INTERVIEWER 2: This is… extremely bad.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: You must have been too critical. I’m sure you saw at least one kid we could recommend.

97
Q

INTERVIEWER 2: Well if you’re gonna look at mine, then I’m gonna look at yours
(They read in silence for a bit.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: What does, “practicing vampire,” mean?

98
Q

INTERVIEWER 2: Whoa, what about Ben. He got a near perfect SAT score and his GPA-

A

INTERVIEWER 1: NO!

99
Q

INTERVIEWER 2: But his SATs-

A

INTERVIEWER 1: No… just… trust me.

100
Q

EMILY: Hi, my name’s Emily Court… I have an appointment at 5?

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Oh my Gosh, right. Sorry, I… got a little side
tracked.

101
Q

EMILY: Oh, no problem, should I wait?

A

INTERVIEWER 1: No, please, come in, uh…

102
Q

(INTERVIEWER 1 looks for EMILY’s file. INTERVIEWER 2 finds it and gives it to INTERVIEWER 1.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Okay. Thank you. Um… Emily, so… wow, nice record. Valedictorian of your class? They decided that already?

103
Q

EMILY: It was a club formed by me and three friends as a public out-reach…we do shelter meals, food drives, build houses…there wasn’t really anything like that at our school.

A

INTERVIEWER 1: Well, Emily, we should tell you that…

104
Q

EMILY: I’m so sorry. I never leave my phone on normally, it’s just… (She looks at the number) …this is my mom, I told her not to call unless it was really, really, urgent-

A

INTERVIEWER 1: No, go ahead. It’s fine.

105
Q

(The two interviewers sit for a moment, deflated.)
(INTERVIEWER 1 looks through a file sadly.)

A

INTERVIEWER 1: This guy does magic.