Interviewer 2 - Felix

Question 1

(Scene 1 begins)
INTERVIEWER 1: So?

Answer 1

INTERVIEWER 2: We’re short.

Question 2

INTERVIEWER 1: We’re short?

Answer 2

INTERVIEWER 2: We are…short.

Question 3

INTERVIEWER 1: By how much?

Answer 3

INTERVIEWER 2: That’s the kicker. We’re short by one student.

Question 4

INTERVIEWER 1: One student!

Answer 4

INTERVIEWER 2: One stupid…student.

Question 5

INTERVIEWER 1: Are you kidding me? The dean really thinks one student is going to make a difference?

Answer 5

INTERVIEWER 2: You know how anal he is with budgets. He’s convinced if we can get one more kid to enroll this year, all our financial problems will be solved.

Question 6

INTERVIEWER 1: But we don’t have any more interviews sched-uled. When does he want our recommendation by?

Answer 6

INTERVIEWER 2: Today.

Question 7

INTERVIEWER 1: Today?

Answer 7

INTERVIEWER 2: Or we’re fired.

Question 8

INTERVIEWER 1: Or we’re.. fired? What sense does that make?

Answer 8

INTERVIEWER 2: I think he still blames us for accepting that pyromaniac that burned down the science center.

Question 9

INTERVIEWER 1: But he had an amazing essay! How were we to know?
(INTERVIEWER 2 shrugs. INTERVIEWER 1 shakes his head in disgust.)
INTERVIEWER 1: Well, what are we going to do? We finished our interviews last week.

Answer 9

INTERVIEWER 2: Look through the wait listed files and start call-ing. If any of them can see us today, let’s give them a shot.

Question 10

INTERVIEWER 1: The wait list? Oh God.

Answer 10

INTERVIEWER 2: Hey, our backs are against the wall here. If we don’t find a diamond in the rough.. we’re out of here.

Question 11

(INTERVIEWER 1 nods his head.)
INTERVIEWER 1: Alright, I’ll start making calls. Good luck.

Answer 11

INTERVIEWER 2: Hey, keep your head up. The wait listed kids aren’t as bad as you think.
(INTERVIEWER 2 leaves.)

Question 12

(Scene 3 begins, KIMBERLY meets with INTERVIEWER 2.)

Answer 12

INTERVIEWER 2: Thank you for coming in on such short notice.

Question 13

KIMBERLY: I’m glad you could fit me in. My life has just been so busy lately.

Answer 13

INTERVIEWER 2: Oh yeah, with what?

Question 14

KIMBERLY: Oh, you know, applying to schools, end of the year club wrap-ups. Trying to get into prestigious summer programs. On top of all that, I’m being filmed for a documentary.

Answer 14

INTERVIEWER 2: A documentary? Really?

Question 15

KIMBERLY: Yeah, I know it’s crazy. My brother knows this guy… and he’s doing this thing about highschoolers, like a gritty, realistic piece about kids all over the country and…you know, they just thought I was interesting I guess.

Answer 15

INTERVIEWER 2: So they follow you around everywhere?

Question 16

KIMBERLY: Yeah and actually…I probably should have told you this on the phone, but they’re…right outside the door.

Answer 16

INTERVIEWER 2: Oh, well…

Question 17

KIMBERLY: And I know it’s weird and everything, but they’re completely respectful, very quiet, you’ll hardly know they’re here.

Answer 17

INTERVIEWER 2: I’m sure they are, it’s just, I have a reputation at this school and I don’t-

Question 18

KIMBERLY: Oh they’ll blur your face, no one will even know it’s you if you want. Plus it’s free publicity for the school.

Answer 18

INTERVIEWER 2: I.. suppose. But you promise you’ll blur my face and disguise my voice.

Question 19

KIMBERLY: Oh yeah, if you just sign this, and check this box, we’ll make sure your likeness isn’t used in any way.

Answer 19

(INTERVIEWER 2 signs the paper.)
INTERVIEWER 2: It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just you have to be very careful these days-

Question 20

PRODUCER: I wanna hate you so much I can’t turn away. AND ACTION!
(INTERVIEWER 2 is frozen. KIMBERLY starts chewing gum and texting.)
(Beat.)

Answer 20

INTERVIEWER 2: I thought you said this was for a documentary film.

Question 21

PRODUCER: Cut! Come on man, can you just do your job? Can you just ask questions? We all want this to be quick. Let’s do this quick.

Answer 21

INTERVIEWER 2: But she said this was a-

Question 22

PRODUCER: YES! It’s a documentary! It’s a series of documentary short films, premiering on the T4 network and ten o’clock on Sundays.

Answer 22

INTERVIEWER 2: T4?!? The Reality Teen Music Channel? With those horrible shows about spoiled birthdays and Karaoke drama queens?

Question 23

PRODUCER: Oh, good, you’re a fan. Look, just ask a few questions and we’re out of here.

Answer 23

INTERVIEWER 2: NO! I won’t…I can’t be on that channel.

Question 24

PRODUCER: Ah, should’ve looked at the contract, friend. If you DON’T do this, you’ll be fined twenty thousand dollars.

Answer 24

INTERVIEWER 2: Twenty thousand?!?
(INTERVIEWER 2 reads the contract over.)

Question 25

PRODUCER: Look man, we're not asking you to do anything crazy. Just do your job, ask a few questions, and we'll be out of your hair.

Answer 25

INTERVIEWER 2: Fine, let's just, fine.

Question 26

PRODUCER: Alright, and Kimberly, remember what we talked about. ACTION!

Answer 26

INTERVIEWER 2: Okay, Kim.

Question 27

KIMBERLY: (Acting like a brat:) It's pronounced KIM-BAAARRR-El. No E. The e is silent.

Answer 27

INTERVIEWER 2: Okay, fine, Kim-Bar-El. Why is it you want to go to this University?

Question 28

KIMBERLY: First of all, to party. Second of all, to meet some totes hot guys. Like totes n' totes.

Answer 28

INTERVIEWER 2: Totes you say, well...anything else that you would want to do here? What...major are you interested in?

Question 29

KIMBERLY: What do you mean? Major?

Answer 29

INTERVIEWER 2: You know, a major. Your degree?

Question 30

KIMBERLY: What do you mean, degree? Like, how hot it is outside?

Answer 30

INTERVIEWER 2: No. What...you don't know what a college degree is?

Question 31

PRODUCER: Perfect, I got some shots of him, that if we put it in slow-motion, will make him look really creepy. Like lecherous and...

Answer 31

(They leave. INTERVIEWER 2 looks defeated. He picks up the phone.) INTERVIEWER 2: Hi, is the Dean in...no, could you leave a message... ask him how he would feel if the University appeared in a... documentary? Thank you.

Question 32

(Scene 5 begins) BRETT: Okay, okay! I'm totally on it, I'm on it, trust me. I'm gonna push my five a clock to six, my Tuesday to Friday, and flip another thing with a thing I got next month so don't worry about it.

Answer 32

INTERVIEWER 2: Excuse me-

Question 33

BRETT: Ah, it's my broham, Marty. He's such a jerk. I just gotta (Starts texting:) "Put your money where your mouth is, Marty Mar. No Doubt!" Ah! Marty. Love 'em but wouldn't trust him with a pen-cil, know what I mean? Okay! Let's do this thing.

Answer 33

INTERVIEWER 2: You're Brett? You're thirty minutes late.

Question 34

BRETT: I know, I know, I got caught up in a conference call, a nightmare lunch meeting and this girl I'm dating...blah blah blah...you know.

Answer 34

INTERVIEWER 2: Well, it's inconvenient for me. I have another prospective student...

Question 35

BRETT: I know, I know, I've got a meet and greet in a fiver so let's just bulldoze through this thing, shall we?

Answer 35

INTERVIEWER 2: Well, alright...I guess-

Question 36

BRETT: My stats are well above your average so let's make this happen. If you're in the boat, I'm driving the ship. We good?

Answer 36

INTERVIEWER 2: No. Not at all.

Question 37

(Scene 7 begins) MELVIN: And that was "Wipeout."

Answer 37

(INTERVIEWER 2 just stares.) INTERVIEWER 2: ...Okay, well...

Question 38

(Scene 9 begins, JEFF, slacker, is either asleep, dead, or in a coma, in his chair. INTERVIEWER 2 enters.)

Answer 38

INTERVIEWER 2: Oh, sorry. Didn't know...uh...

Question 39

(No response from ]EFF.)

Answer 39

INTERVIEWER 2: Uh, hello, are you-

Question 40

JEFF: What?

Answer 40

INTERVIEWER 2: You're awake?

Question 41

JEFF: Yeah.

Answer 41

INTERVIEWER 2: I thought you were asleep.

Question 42

JEFF: (Annoyed:) I'm not asleep, okay!

Answer 42

INTERVIEWER 2: Right. Sorry. So, should we get started?

Question 43

JEFF: (Tired:) Whatever.

Answer 43

INTERVIEWER 2: Okay. So, what is it that made you interested in our university?

Question 44

JEFF: I dunno.

Answer 44

INTERVIEWER 2: You don't know?

Question 45

JEFF: (Exasperated:) I just. don't, okay!?! God!

Answer 45

INTERVIEWER 2: Okay, well...fine. So, what kind of things are you interested in? You know, school wise, or hobbies?

Question 46

JEFF: Stuff.

Answer 46

INTERVIEWER 2: Stuff?

Question 47

JEFF: And things.

Answer 47

INTERVIEWER 2: Stuff and things?

Question 48

JEFF: Yeah! Stuff. Things! And whatever!

Answer 48

INTERVIEWER 2: Well you must do something?

Question 49

JEFF: I eat. That usually wipes me out.

Answer 49

INTERVIEWER 2: But what about clubs, sports, social things?

Question 50

JEFF: I tried to start a nap club once but man...it was so hard.

Answer 50

INTERVIEWER 2: To start a club where you...nap?

Question 51

JEFF: Yeah, you have to fill out forms and stuff. And get signatures. And...get a... (JEFF trails off and spaces out.)

Answer 51

INTERVIEWER 2: Jeff?

Question 52

JEFF: What?

Answer 52

INTERVIEWER 2: But haven't you ever...been inspired to...do any-thing?

Question 53

(JEFF thinks, then sits up a little.) JEFF: Well there was one thing...I saw it on TV and it really got me thinking, in a motivated kinda way.

Question 54

JEFF. I was watching the news and there was this woman in the hospital and she. went into a coma from this weird stroke and...they kept trying and trying to get her out of it...like doctors spent years trying to revive her...but they never figured it out.

Answer 54

INTERVIEWER 2: So this made you..maybe interested in medicine? Or healthcare?

Question 55

JEFF: No, it just made me jealous. This woman, she was like, having these tubes feed her and breathe for her. And they put on the TV all day. I mean you know how like sometimes, breathing is just like. so much work sometimes, ya know.

Answer 55

INTERVIEWER 2: So...this inspired you...to be in a coma?

Question 56

JEFF: Totally. (INTERVIEWER 2 slouches in his chair.) JEFF: What's the matter?

Answer 56

INTERVIEWER 2: I'm...just...tired.

Question 57

(Scene 11 begins, INTERVIEWER 2 is wrapping up with ELIZABETH, pleasant, sweet, dressed in black.)

Answer 57

INTERVIEWER 2: Well your grades, recommendations all look pretty good.

Question 58

ELIZABETH: Thank you.

Answer 58

INTERVIEWER 2: Is there anything else you can tell me about yourself? Something that's maybe not on the page.

Question 59

ELIZABETH: Yeah, let's see...I never played sports in school but I've played in a number of rec leagues. Volleyball, soccer, basketball. I volunteer at a soup kitchen every month, I'm a practicing vampire, and I teach sailing during the summer at a sleep away camp. Is that what you were looking for?

Answer 59

INTERVIEWER 2: Yeah, definitely, um...I'm sorry, can you ...elaborate a little on, uh-

Question 60

ELIZABETH: Soup Kitchen? Well, I actually started because of my parents. They were very big into community service.

Answer 60

INTERVIEWER 2: No, not... I'm sorry, it sounded like you said you were a "practicing vampire."

Question 61

ELIZABETH: Oh. Yes. Pretty much my whole life.

Answer 61

INTERVIEWER 2: Okay. So.. you think you're a vampire?

Question 62

ELIZABETH: Oh, No, no, no. That would be, no…

Answer 62

INTERVIEWER 2: Oh, okay, I guess I'm a little-

Question 63

ELIZABETH: I'm a practicing vampire. It's completely different.

Answer 63

INTERVIEWER 2: So is this like a club or...role playing game?

Question 64

ELIZABETH: Um...no, it's more serious than that. Basically, I live my life in preparation for the day when I will, hopefully, turn into a vampire.

Answer 64

INTERVIEWER 2: Turn into?

Question 65

ELIZABETH: Right. So, I sleep in a coffin, avoid garlic, eat lots of bloody meat, chew with my fangs...all in the hopes that one day, if I'm diligent enough...I will turn into a vampire.

Answer 65

INTERVIEWER 2: I see, uh...well then, uh, what are you doing here now? I mean, you shouldn't be out during the day, right?

Question 66

ELIZABETH: That's a common stereotype. Vampires, just like humans, can walk freely in daylight without receiving even the slightest irritation to the skin.

Answer 66

INTERVIEWER 2: I see. So you're more like those Twilight vampires.

Question 67

ELIZABETH: Is that an attempt at humor?

Answer 67

INTERVIEWER 2: No, I...

Question 68

ELIZABETH: Because I don't find it funny, at all. In fact, I find it pretty insulting and frankly...pretty vampirist.

Answer 68

INTERVIEWER 2: Vampirist? Elizabeth! You're not going to turn into a vampire. There's no such thing as Vampires!

Question 69

ELIZABETH: Wow. That may be the most offensive thing I've ever heard. I'm going to leave now.

Answer 69

INTERVIEWER 2: Are you..is this some kind of joke? Did Saunders put you up to this?

Question 70

ELIZABETH: No, this is very serious. And when I get a hold of the NVUA, you're going to have a public relations nightmare on your hands.

Answer 70

INTERVIEWER 2: NVUA?

Question 71

ELIZABETH: National Vampires Union Ah-ah-ah. All vampires should be respected and given blood.

Answer 71

INTERVIEWER 2: (At the end of his rope:) Alright, well, you go and call the NVUA and say hello to Dracula, and Lestat, and all those whiny Twilight kids.

Question 72

ELIZABETH: Sure. I will. Because we're just all the same to you! Honestly, I expected more out of this University.

Answer 72

INTERVIEWER 2: (Blowing off) A union for vampires. Pffa.

Question 73

(Scene 13 begins) JASON: So then is THIS your card?

Answer 73

INTERVIEWER 2: No.

Question 74

JASON: But where there's a diamond, there must be a... Jack of all trades...in clubs.

Answer 74

INTERVIEWER 2: Still not my card.

Question 75

JASON: Darn it. I was practicing all week.

Answer 75

INTERVIEWER 2: Look, I'm very glad you have hobbies outside of school, but maybe we can get back to-

Question 76

JASON: Oh, sure, sure, sure. After...you show me the card UNDERNEATH YOUR SEAT.

Answer 76

(INTERVIEWER 2 looks under his/her seat and picks up a playing card.) INTERVIEWER 2: "Rules on how to Play Texas Hold 'em?"

Question 77

JASON: And who makes the rules, but a KING.

Answer 77

INTERVIEWER 2: Hey, that's actually my card.

Question 78

JASON: Really?

Answer 78

INTERVIEWER 2: No.

Question 79

(Scene 14 begins) INTERVIEWER 1: Not one?

Answer 79

INTERVIEWER 2: Not a single…one.

Question 80

INTERVIEWER 1: This is bad.

Answer 80

INTERVIEWER 2: This is...extremely bad.

Question 81

INTERVIEWER 1: You must have been too critical. I'm sure you saw at least one kid we could recommend.

Answer 81

INTERVIEWER 2: Hey, if you want to look through my files, be my guest.

Question 82

(INTERVIEWER 1 looks through Interviewer 2's files.)

Answer 82

INTERVIEWER 2: Well if you're gonna look at mine, then I'm gonna look at yours

Question 83

INTERVIEWER 1: What does, "practicing vampire," mean? (INTERVIEWER 2 closes the file for him/her and shakes his/her head "no." They continue to look.)

Answer 83

INTERVIEWER 2: Whoa, what about Ben. He got a near perfect SAT score and his GPA-

Question 84

INTERVIEWER 1: NO!

Answer 84

INTERVIEWER 2: But his SATs-

Question 85

EMILY: Normally they wait until the end of the year but...I guess my GPA was too high for anyone to catch up to me. I mean, there are a lot of really bright students at the school, so...I was just as surprised to find out this early.

Answer 85

INTERVIEWER 2: I'm also really impressed with the variety of after school programs you've amassed. First chair cellist, president of the student council, member of the thespians, and treasurer for something called the "relief club."