Interviewer 2 - Felix Flashcards
(Scene 1 begins)
INTERVIEWER 1: So?
INTERVIEWER 2: We’re short.
INTERVIEWER 1: We’re short?
INTERVIEWER 2: We are…short.
INTERVIEWER 1: By how much?
INTERVIEWER 2: That’s the kicker. We’re short by one student.
INTERVIEWER 1: One student!
INTERVIEWER 2: One stupid…student.
INTERVIEWER 1: Are you kidding me? The dean really thinks one student is going to make a difference?
INTERVIEWER 2: You know how anal he is with budgets. He’s convinced if we can get one more kid to enroll this year, all our financial problems will be solved.
INTERVIEWER 1: But we don’t have any more interviews sched-uled. When does he want our recommendation by?
INTERVIEWER 2: Today.
INTERVIEWER 1: Today?
INTERVIEWER 2: Or we’re fired.
INTERVIEWER 1: Or we’re.. fired? What sense does that make?
INTERVIEWER 2: I think he still blames us for accepting that pyromaniac that burned down the science center.
INTERVIEWER 1: But he had an amazing essay! How were we to know?
(INTERVIEWER 2 shrugs. INTERVIEWER 1 shakes his head in disgust.)
INTERVIEWER 1: Well, what are we going to do? We finished our interviews last week.
INTERVIEWER 2: Look through the wait listed files and start call-ing. If any of them can see us today, let’s give them a shot.
INTERVIEWER 1: The wait list? Oh God.
INTERVIEWER 2: Hey, our backs are against the wall here. If we don’t find a diamond in the rough.. we’re out of here.
(INTERVIEWER 1 nods his head.)
INTERVIEWER 1: Alright, I’ll start making calls. Good luck.
INTERVIEWER 2: Hey, keep your head up. The wait listed kids aren’t as bad as you think.
(INTERVIEWER 2 leaves.)
(Scene 3 begins, KIMBERLY meets with INTERVIEWER 2.)
INTERVIEWER 2: Thank you for coming in on such short notice.
KIMBERLY: I’m glad you could fit me in. My life has just been so busy lately.
INTERVIEWER 2: Oh yeah, with what?
KIMBERLY: Oh, you know, applying to schools, end of the year club wrap-ups. Trying to get into prestigious summer programs. On top of all that, I’m being filmed for a documentary.
INTERVIEWER 2: A documentary? Really?
KIMBERLY: Yeah, I know it’s crazy. My brother knows this guy… and he’s doing this thing about highschoolers, like a gritty, realistic piece about kids all over the country and…you know, they just thought I was interesting I guess.
INTERVIEWER 2: So they follow you around everywhere?
KIMBERLY: Yeah and actually…I probably should have told you this on the phone, but they’re…right outside the door.
INTERVIEWER 2: Oh, well…
KIMBERLY: And I know it’s weird and everything, but they’re completely respectful, very quiet, you’ll hardly know they’re here.
INTERVIEWER 2: I’m sure they are, it’s just, I have a reputation at this school and I don’t-
KIMBERLY: Oh they’ll blur your face, no one will even know it’s you if you want. Plus it’s free publicity for the school.
INTERVIEWER 2: I.. suppose. But you promise you’ll blur my face and disguise my voice.
KIMBERLY: Oh yeah, if you just sign this, and check this box, we’ll make sure your likeness isn’t used in any way.
(INTERVIEWER 2 signs the paper.)
INTERVIEWER 2: It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just you have to be very careful these days-
PRODUCER: I wanna hate you so much I can’t turn away. AND ACTION!
(INTERVIEWER 2 is frozen. KIMBERLY starts chewing gum and texting.)
(Beat.)
INTERVIEWER 2: I thought you said this was for a documentary film.
PRODUCER: Cut! Come on man, can you just do your job? Can you just ask questions? We all want this to be quick. Let’s do this quick.
INTERVIEWER 2: But she said this was a-
PRODUCER: YES! It’s a documentary! It’s a series of documentary short films, premiering on the T4 network and ten o’clock on Sundays.
INTERVIEWER 2: T4?!? The Reality Teen Music Channel? With those horrible shows about spoiled birthdays and Karaoke drama queens?
PRODUCER: Oh, good, you’re a fan. Look, just ask a few questions and we’re out of here.
INTERVIEWER 2: NO! I won’t…I can’t be on that channel.
PRODUCER: Ah, should’ve looked at the contract, friend. If you DON’T do this, you’ll be fined twenty thousand dollars.
INTERVIEWER 2: Twenty thousand?!?
(INTERVIEWER 2 reads the contract over.)
PRODUCER: Look man, we’re not asking you to do anything crazy. Just do your job, ask a few questions, and we’ll be out of your hair.
INTERVIEWER 2: Fine, let’s just, fine.
PRODUCER: Alright, and Kimberly, remember what we talked about. ACTION!
INTERVIEWER 2: Okay, Kim.
KIMBERLY: (Acting like a brat:) It’s pronounced KIM-BAAARRR-El. No E. The e is silent.
INTERVIEWER 2: Okay, fine, Kim-Bar-El. Why is it you want to go to this University?
KIMBERLY: First of all, to party. Second of all, to meet some totes hot guys. Like totes n’ totes.
INTERVIEWER 2: Totes you say, well…anything else that you would want to do here? What…major are you interested in?
KIMBERLY: What do you mean? Major?
INTERVIEWER 2: You know, a major. Your degree?
KIMBERLY: What do you mean, degree? Like, how hot it is outside?
INTERVIEWER 2: No. What…you don’t know what a college degree is?
PRODUCER: Perfect, I got some shots of him, that if we put it in slow-motion, will make him look really creepy. Like lecherous and…
(They leave. INTERVIEWER 2 looks defeated. He picks up the phone.)
INTERVIEWER 2: Hi, is the Dean in…no, could you leave a message… ask him how he would feel if the University appeared in a… documentary? Thank you.
(Scene 5 begins)
BRETT: Okay, okay! I’m totally on it, I’m on it, trust me. I’m gonna push my five a clock to six, my Tuesday to Friday, and flip another thing with a thing I got next month so don’t worry about it.
INTERVIEWER 2: Excuse me-
BRETT: Ah, it’s my broham, Marty. He’s such a jerk. I just gotta (Starts texting:) “Put your money where your mouth is, Marty Mar. No Doubt!” Ah! Marty. Love ‘em but wouldn’t trust him with a pen-cil, know what I mean? Okay! Let’s do this thing.
INTERVIEWER 2: You’re Brett? You’re thirty minutes late.
BRETT: I know, I know, I got caught up in a conference call, a nightmare lunch meeting and this girl I’m dating…blah blah blah…you know.
INTERVIEWER 2: Well, it’s inconvenient for me. I have another prospective student…