Interviewer 2 - Felix Flashcards

1
Q

(Scene 1 begins)
INTERVIEWER 1: So?

A

INTERVIEWER 2: We’re short.

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2
Q

INTERVIEWER 1: We’re short?

A

INTERVIEWER 2: We are…short.

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3
Q

INTERVIEWER 1: By how much?

A

INTERVIEWER 2: That’s the kicker. We’re short by one student.

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4
Q

INTERVIEWER 1: One student!

A

INTERVIEWER 2: One stupid…student.

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5
Q

INTERVIEWER 1: Are you kidding me? The dean really thinks one student is going to make a difference?

A

INTERVIEWER 2: You know how anal he is with budgets. He’s convinced if we can get one more kid to enroll this year, all our financial problems will be solved.

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6
Q

INTERVIEWER 1: But we don’t have any more interviews sched-uled. When does he want our recommendation by?

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Today.

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7
Q

INTERVIEWER 1: Today?

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Or we’re fired.

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8
Q

INTERVIEWER 1: Or we’re.. fired? What sense does that make?

A

INTERVIEWER 2: I think he still blames us for accepting that pyromaniac that burned down the science center.

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9
Q

INTERVIEWER 1: But he had an amazing essay! How were we to know?
(INTERVIEWER 2 shrugs. INTERVIEWER 1 shakes his head in disgust.)
INTERVIEWER 1: Well, what are we going to do? We finished our interviews last week.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Look through the wait listed files and start call-ing. If any of them can see us today, let’s give them a shot.

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10
Q

INTERVIEWER 1: The wait list? Oh God.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Hey, our backs are against the wall here. If we don’t find a diamond in the rough.. we’re out of here.

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11
Q

(INTERVIEWER 1 nods his head.)
INTERVIEWER 1: Alright, I’ll start making calls. Good luck.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Hey, keep your head up. The wait listed kids aren’t as bad as you think.
(INTERVIEWER 2 leaves.)

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12
Q

(Scene 3 begins, KIMBERLY meets with INTERVIEWER 2.)

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Thank you for coming in on such short notice.

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13
Q

KIMBERLY: I’m glad you could fit me in. My life has just been so busy lately.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Oh yeah, with what?

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14
Q

KIMBERLY: Oh, you know, applying to schools, end of the year club wrap-ups. Trying to get into prestigious summer programs. On top of all that, I’m being filmed for a documentary.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: A documentary? Really?

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15
Q

KIMBERLY: Yeah, I know it’s crazy. My brother knows this guy… and he’s doing this thing about highschoolers, like a gritty, realistic piece about kids all over the country and…you know, they just thought I was interesting I guess.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: So they follow you around everywhere?

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16
Q

KIMBERLY: Yeah and actually…I probably should have told you this on the phone, but they’re…right outside the door.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Oh, well…

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17
Q

KIMBERLY: And I know it’s weird and everything, but they’re completely respectful, very quiet, you’ll hardly know they’re here.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: I’m sure they are, it’s just, I have a reputation at this school and I don’t-

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18
Q

KIMBERLY: Oh they’ll blur your face, no one will even know it’s you if you want. Plus it’s free publicity for the school.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: I.. suppose. But you promise you’ll blur my face and disguise my voice.

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19
Q

KIMBERLY: Oh yeah, if you just sign this, and check this box, we’ll make sure your likeness isn’t used in any way.

A

(INTERVIEWER 2 signs the paper.)
INTERVIEWER 2: It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just you have to be very careful these days-

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20
Q

PRODUCER: I wanna hate you so much I can’t turn away. AND ACTION!
(INTERVIEWER 2 is frozen. KIMBERLY starts chewing gum and texting.)
(Beat.)

A

INTERVIEWER 2: I thought you said this was for a documentary film.

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21
Q

PRODUCER: Cut! Come on man, can you just do your job? Can you just ask questions? We all want this to be quick. Let’s do this quick.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: But she said this was a-

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22
Q

PRODUCER: YES! It’s a documentary! It’s a series of documentary short films, premiering on the T4 network and ten o’clock on Sundays.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: T4?!? The Reality Teen Music Channel? With those horrible shows about spoiled birthdays and Karaoke drama queens?

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23
Q

PRODUCER: Oh, good, you’re a fan. Look, just ask a few questions and we’re out of here.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: NO! I won’t…I can’t be on that channel.

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24
Q

PRODUCER: Ah, should’ve looked at the contract, friend. If you DON’T do this, you’ll be fined twenty thousand dollars.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Twenty thousand?!?
(INTERVIEWER 2 reads the contract over.)

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25
Q

PRODUCER: Look man, we’re not asking you to do anything crazy. Just do your job, ask a few questions, and we’ll be out of your hair.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Fine, let’s just, fine.

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26
Q

PRODUCER: Alright, and Kimberly, remember what we talked about. ACTION!

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Okay, Kim.

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27
Q

KIMBERLY: (Acting like a brat:) It’s pronounced KIM-BAAARRR-El. No E. The e is silent.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Okay, fine, Kim-Bar-El. Why is it you want to go to this University?

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28
Q

KIMBERLY: First of all, to party. Second of all, to meet some totes hot guys. Like totes n’ totes.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Totes you say, well…anything else that you would want to do here? What…major are you interested in?

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29
Q

KIMBERLY: What do you mean? Major?

A

INTERVIEWER 2: You know, a major. Your degree?

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30
Q

KIMBERLY: What do you mean, degree? Like, how hot it is outside?

A

INTERVIEWER 2: No. What…you don’t know what a college degree is?

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31
Q

PRODUCER: Perfect, I got some shots of him, that if we put it in slow-motion, will make him look really creepy. Like lecherous and…

A

(They leave. INTERVIEWER 2 looks defeated. He picks up the phone.)
INTERVIEWER 2: Hi, is the Dean in…no, could you leave a message… ask him how he would feel if the University appeared in a… documentary? Thank you.

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32
Q

(Scene 5 begins)
BRETT: Okay, okay! I’m totally on it, I’m on it, trust me. I’m gonna push my five a clock to six, my Tuesday to Friday, and flip another thing with a thing I got next month so don’t worry about it.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Excuse me-

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33
Q

BRETT: Ah, it’s my broham, Marty. He’s such a jerk. I just gotta (Starts texting:) “Put your money where your mouth is, Marty Mar. No Doubt!” Ah! Marty. Love ‘em but wouldn’t trust him with a pen-cil, know what I mean? Okay! Let’s do this thing.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: You’re Brett? You’re thirty minutes late.

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34
Q

BRETT: I know, I know, I got caught up in a conference call, a nightmare lunch meeting and this girl I’m dating…blah blah blah…you know.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Well, it’s inconvenient for me. I have another prospective student…

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35
Q

BRETT: I know, I know, I’ve got a meet and greet in a fiver so let’s just bulldoze through this thing, shall we?

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Well, alright…I guess-

36
Q

BRETT: My stats are well above your average so let’s make this happen. If you’re in the boat, I’m driving the ship. We good?

A

INTERVIEWER 2: No. Not at all.

37
Q

(Scene 7 begins)
MELVIN: And that was “Wipeout.”

A

(INTERVIEWER 2 just stares.)
INTERVIEWER 2: …Okay, well…

38
Q

(Scene 9 begins, JEFF, slacker, is either asleep, dead, or in a coma, in his chair.
INTERVIEWER 2 enters.)

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Oh, sorry. Didn’t know…uh…

39
Q

(No response from ]EFF.)

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Uh, hello, are you-

40
Q

JEFF: What?

A

INTERVIEWER 2: You’re awake?

41
Q

JEFF: Yeah.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: I thought you were asleep.

42
Q

JEFF: (Annoyed:) I’m not asleep, okay!

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Right. Sorry. So, should we get started?

43
Q

JEFF: (Tired:) Whatever.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Okay. So, what is it that made you interested in our university?

44
Q

JEFF: I dunno.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: You don’t know?

45
Q

JEFF: (Exasperated:) I just. don’t, okay!?! God!

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Okay, well…fine. So, what kind of things are you interested in? You know, school wise, or hobbies?

46
Q

JEFF: Stuff.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Stuff?

47
Q

JEFF: And things.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Stuff and things?

48
Q

JEFF: Yeah! Stuff. Things! And whatever!

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Well you must do something?

49
Q

JEFF: I eat. That usually wipes me out.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: But what about clubs, sports, social things?

50
Q

JEFF: I tried to start a nap club once but man…it was so hard.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: To start a club where you…nap?

51
Q

JEFF: Yeah, you have to fill out forms and stuff. And get signatures.
And…get a…
(JEFF trails off and spaces out.)

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Jeff?

52
Q

JEFF: What?

A

INTERVIEWER 2: But haven’t you ever…been inspired to…do any-thing?

53
Q

(JEFF thinks, then sits up a little.)
JEFF: Well there was one thing…I saw it on TV and it really got me thinking, in a motivated kinda way.

A
54
Q

JEFF. I was watching the news and there was this woman in the hospital and she. went into a coma from this weird stroke and…they kept trying and trying to get her out of it…like doctors spent years trying to revive her…but they never figured it out.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: So this made you..maybe interested in medicine? Or healthcare?

55
Q

JEFF: No, it just made me jealous. This woman, she was like, having these tubes feed her and breathe for her. And they put on the TV all day. I mean you know how like sometimes, breathing is just like. so much work sometimes, ya know.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: So…this inspired you…to be in a coma?

56
Q

JEFF: Totally.
(INTERVIEWER 2 slouches in his chair.)
JEFF: What’s the matter?

A

INTERVIEWER 2: I’m…just…tired.

57
Q

(Scene 11 begins, INTERVIEWER 2 is wrapping up with ELIZABETH, pleasant, sweet, dressed in black.)

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Well your grades, recommendations all look pretty good.

58
Q

ELIZABETH: Thank you.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Is there anything else you can tell me about yourself? Something that’s maybe not on the page.

59
Q

ELIZABETH: Yeah, let’s see…I never played sports in school but I’ve played in a number of rec leagues. Volleyball, soccer, basketball. I volunteer at a soup kitchen every month, I’m a practicing vampire, and I teach sailing during the summer at a sleep away camp. Is that what you were looking for?

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Yeah, definitely, um…I’m sorry, can you …elaborate a little on, uh-

60
Q

ELIZABETH: Soup Kitchen? Well, I actually started because of my parents. They were very big into community service.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: No, not… I’m sorry, it sounded like you said you were a “practicing vampire.”

61
Q

ELIZABETH: Oh. Yes. Pretty much my whole life.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Okay. So.. you think you’re a vampire?

62
Q

ELIZABETH: Oh, No, no, no. That would be, no…

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Oh, okay, I guess I’m a little-

63
Q

ELIZABETH: I’m a practicing vampire. It’s completely different.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: So is this like a club or…role playing game?

64
Q

ELIZABETH: Um…no, it’s more serious than that. Basically, I live my life in preparation for the day when I will, hopefully, turn into a vampire.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Turn into?

65
Q

ELIZABETH: Right. So, I sleep in a coffin, avoid garlic, eat lots of bloody meat, chew with my fangs…all in the hopes that one day, if I’m diligent enough…I will turn into a vampire.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: I see, uh…well then, uh, what are you doing here now? I mean, you shouldn’t be out during the day, right?

66
Q

ELIZABETH: That’s a common stereotype. Vampires, just like humans, can walk freely in daylight without receiving even the slightest irritation to the skin.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: I see. So you’re more like those Twilight vampires.

67
Q

ELIZABETH: Is that an attempt at humor?

A

INTERVIEWER 2: No, I…

68
Q

ELIZABETH: Because I don’t find it funny, at all. In fact, I find it pretty insulting and frankly…pretty vampirist.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Vampirist? Elizabeth! You’re not going to turn into a vampire. There’s no such thing as Vampires!

69
Q

ELIZABETH: Wow. That may be the most offensive thing I’ve ever heard. I’m going to leave now.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Are you..is this some kind of joke? Did Saunders put you up to this?

70
Q

ELIZABETH: No, this is very serious. And when I get a hold of the NVUA, you’re going to have a public relations nightmare on your hands.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: NVUA?

71
Q

ELIZABETH: National Vampires Union Ah-ah-ah. All vampires should be respected and given blood.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: (At the end of his rope:) Alright, well, you go and call the NVUA and say hello to Dracula, and Lestat, and all those whiny Twilight kids.

72
Q

ELIZABETH: Sure. I will. Because we’re just all the same to you! Honestly, I expected more out of this University.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: (Blowing off) A union for vampires. Pffa.

73
Q

(Scene 13 begins)
JASON: So then is THIS your card?

A

INTERVIEWER 2: No.

74
Q

JASON: But where there’s a diamond, there must be a… Jack of all trades…in clubs.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Still not my card.

75
Q

JASON: Darn it. I was practicing all week.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Look, I’m very glad you have hobbies outside of school, but maybe we can get back to-

76
Q

JASON: Oh, sure, sure, sure. After…you show me the card UNDERNEATH YOUR SEAT.

A

(INTERVIEWER 2 looks under his/her seat and picks up a playing card.)
INTERVIEWER 2: “Rules on how to Play Texas Hold ‘em?”

77
Q

JASON: And who makes the rules, but a KING.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Hey, that’s actually my card.

78
Q

JASON: Really?

A

INTERVIEWER 2: No.

79
Q

(Scene 14 begins)
INTERVIEWER 1: Not one?

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Not a single…one.

80
Q

INTERVIEWER 1: This is bad.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: This is…extremely bad.

81
Q

INTERVIEWER 1: You must have been too critical. I’m sure you saw at least one kid we could recommend.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Hey, if you want to look through my files, be my guest.

82
Q

(INTERVIEWER 1 looks through Interviewer 2’s files.)

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Well if you’re gonna look at mine, then I’m gonna look at yours

83
Q

INTERVIEWER 1: What does, “practicing vampire,” mean?
(INTERVIEWER 2 closes the file for him/her and shakes his/her head “no.” They continue to look.)

A

INTERVIEWER 2: Whoa, what about Ben. He got a near perfect SAT score and his GPA-

84
Q

INTERVIEWER 1: NO!

A

INTERVIEWER 2: But his SATs-

85
Q

EMILY: Normally they wait until the end of the year but…I guess my GPA was too high for anyone to catch up to me. I mean, there are a lot of really bright students at the school, so…I was just as surprised to find out this early.

A

INTERVIEWER 2: I’m also really impressed with the variety of after school programs you’ve amassed. First chair cellist, president of the student council, member of the thespians, and treasurer for something called the “relief club.”