Love Actually - Dating, Mating, and Partnering (Week 9) Flashcards
Shifts in Dating
-More than just single and committed
-Singlism
True Friends
-Most common
-Friendly with each other but engage in sex
Just Sex
No friendship attached to it
Network Opportunism
-In a friendship people might serve as a “safeties”
-Last resort for sex or security
Successful Transition in
Intentionally starting as friends with benefits then develop into a relationship
Unintentional transition in
Unintentionally start as friends with benefits but develop feelings
Failed Transition in
Failed transition from friends with benefit to a committed relationship
Transition out
Sex with ex
Dating & Technology
-Easier for infidelity
-Expanded the definition of dating
-Online friends take away from real-life connections
-Catfishing
-Being let down by the real person
-Larger dating pool and accessibility
-Easier to find love and harder to keep one
Official Dogma
-Maximizing welfare of citizens and freedom
-More choice means more freedom means more welfare
-More choice of each product in markets, healthcare, marriage, etc
-Increases paralysis and decreases satisfaction
Paradox of Choice
-Goes against the western notion of more is better and says that more choices may be problematic
-Choice paralysis because of too many options
-The value we put on things depends on comparisons to other things
-Choosing to do one thing but then thinking about another thing that you could have done
-People still feel disappointed when their choices result in positive outcomes
-People’s expectations in industrialized societies is too high thus they feel disappointed with any results
Maximizers & Satisficers
-Maximizers want the best but when they commit they are not satisfied
-Satisficers want good enough; satisfy and suffice
-Maximizers make better choices with better outcomes but are less satisfied with them
-The older you are, the less likely you are to be a maximizer
-In terms of dating if you find the person that fits, stop looking
Impact of Having More Choices in Dating
-Discussed in Modern Romance
-Online dating is flooded with option
-We constantly compare our partners not to another potential partner but to a idealized person who no one can compare to
-In order to be with the best partner you would have to go through every single option
-Always looking for the best leads to misery
to fall in love with anyone do this
-36 questions that leads to love, intimacy, and closeness
-Fostering closeness through three sets of intimate questions
-As you progress in the sets, the more intimate the questions get
-Intended to see if people felt closer after the series of questions; not strictly for romantic love
Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness
Tested the 36 questions
First study
-Heterosexual couple and woman pairs
-Had to be strangers
-Matched people with different attachment styles together (one secure one insecure)
-Didn’t match people who disagreed on important personal values
-Small talk to foster closeness
-People reported feeling closer
Second study
-Same conditions with the first but:
-Paired people who disagreed on important personal values
-People were told that they should like each other after
-Neither affected the results
-Perceptions of others might change if you experienced closeness with them
Third study
-Those with avoidant/dismissive attachment styles experienced less closeness
-Introverts experiments less closeness unless they were told that the experiment was to foster closeness
pros and cons of technology; dating apps; on dating
-Dating websites used to choose people for you (eharmony)
-Now is become more of a game, swiping left and right (tinder)
-Not stoppage ques allowing people to be sucked into these dating apps; you keep swiping for hours
-Our phones prevent us from being in the moment with a lover
