Love Actually - Commitment (Week 10) Flashcards
Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship
-Positive communication
-Healthy sexuality
-Self-expansion
Positive communication
-4 to 1 ratio of positive to negative comments
-Give 4 compliments about your partner for every criticism
-Say more positive things about your partner than negative things
Healthy sexuality
Partners who talk about sex normally and during sex tend to be more sexually satisfied
Self-expansion
-Humans have a fundamental need to grow
-Trying new activities and relationships
-Partners should foster novelty
-Taking on specific characteristics of our partners
Why you will marry the wrong person
-Expectations of our partners always knowing what we’re thinking ruins relationships (mind reading)
-Pessimism can be a friend of love, see the realistic side of the relationship
-Acknowledging each other’s flaws and not seeing your lover as perfect extends the longevity of the relationship
-You should be compromising and working through the relationship
-Survival of love depends on teaching each other to be the best versions of ourselves
Sternberg’s triangular theory of love
-Different types of love; liking, liking, empty, etc; fall at different intervals in the triangle
-Each person in one relationship may fall into different intervals
-Where couples land on the triangle may shift as the relationship unfolds
-The more the ratios match for a couple the more satisfied they will be
Intimacy
-Emotional dimension
-Sense of bondedness and emotion
Passion
-Motivational dimension
-What’s driving the relationship
-Physical and sexual attraction
Commitment
-Cognitive dimension
-Conscious decision to maintain/stay in a committed relationship
Love Languages
Words of affirmation
Acts of service
Gifts
Quality time
Physical touch
Investment Model for Commitment
Factors that influence if a person want to stay in a committed relationship
Satisfaction
-Subjective evaluation of the relationship
-Overall ration of the good and the bad
-Does the good outweigh the bad
-We fundamentally compare this to previous or other relationships
Quality of alternatives
-Comparison of perceived alternatives
-Will I be more satisfied with this other person, if there is one?
Investment
-Tangible:
Pets
Children
Bank accounts
Properties
-Intangible:
Memories
Shared moment
Time and effort spent on the relationship
Personality Traits and Styles
Openness to experience
Conscientiousness
Extraversion
Agreeableness
Neuroticism
OCEAN
Openness to experience
Appreciation for adventure, imagination, curiosity
Conscientiousness
Tendency to display self-discipline, strive for achievement, control impulses, regulate
Extraversion
Getting energy from external activity/situations, enjoying interacting with people, perceived as having high energy, assert themselves
Agreeableness
Concern for social harmony; tendency to want to get along with others, willing to compromise,
Neuroticism
-Tendency to experience negative emotions (anxiety, anger, depression)
-Low tolerance for stress or aversive stimuli
Attachment styles
-Patterns of approaching and developing relationships with others
-Develops from childhood
-Tends to be stable but can change as a result of new relationships
Security attached individuals (Anchor)
-Secure as individuals
-Willing to commit
-Less anxiety of being abandoned
-Adapts easily, flexible individuals
-Can help insecure people to be more secure
-Expects that partners are supportive and respectful
Avoidantly Attached individuals (Island)
-Independent, self reliant, and sometimes non-available
-Not comfortable with intimacy
-Fear of dependence
-Productive and creative especially when given space
-Low maintenance
-More likely to perceive potential threat in a social interaction
-Overly sensitive to perceived intrusions by significant other
-Wanting alone time
Anxiously-attached individuals (Wave)
-Giving and generous
-Happiest around other people
-Anxious about a partner not loving or leaving them
-Jealousy and overthinking
-Desire to connect but afraid of connecting
