Love Actually - Commitment (Week 10)

Question 1

Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship

Answer 1

-Positive communication
-Healthy sexuality
-Self-expansion

Question 2

Positive communication

Answer 2

-4 to 1 ratio of positive to negative comments
-Give 4 compliments about your partner for every criticism
-Say more positive things about your partner than negative things

Question 3

Healthy sexuality

Answer 3

Partners who talk about sex normally and during sex tend to be more sexually satisfied

Question 4

Self-expansion

Answer 4

-Humans have a fundamental need to grow
-Trying new activities and relationships
-Partners should foster novelty
-Taking on specific characteristics of our partners

Question 5

Why you will marry the wrong person

Answer 5

-Expectations of our partners always knowing what we’re thinking ruins relationships (mind reading)
-Pessimism can be a friend of love, see the realistic side of the relationship
-Acknowledging each other’s flaws and not seeing your lover as perfect extends the longevity of the relationship
-You should be compromising and working through the relationship
-Survival of love depends on teaching each other to be the best versions of ourselves

Question 6

Sternberg’s triangular theory of love

Answer 6

-Different types of love; liking, liking, empty, etc; fall at different intervals in the triangle
-Each person in one relationship may fall into different intervals
-Where couples land on the triangle may shift as the relationship unfolds
-The more the ratios match for a couple the more satisfied they will be

Question 7

Intimacy

Answer 7

-Emotional dimension
-Sense of bondedness and emotion

Question 8

Passion

Answer 8

-Motivational dimension
-What’s driving the relationship
-Physical and sexual attraction

Question 9

Commitment

Answer 9

-Cognitive dimension
-Conscious decision to maintain/stay in a committed relationship

Question 10

Love Languages

Answer 10

Words of affirmation
Acts of service
Gifts
Quality time
Physical touch

Question 11

Investment Model for Commitment

Answer 11

Factors that influence if a person want to stay in a committed relationship

Question 12

Satisfaction

Answer 12

-Subjective evaluation of the relationship
-Overall ration of the good and the bad
-Does the good outweigh the bad
-We fundamentally compare this to previous or other relationships

Question 13

Quality of alternatives

Answer 13

-Comparison of perceived alternatives
-Will I be more satisfied with this other person, if there is one?

Question 14

Investment

Answer 14

-Tangible:
Pets
Children
Bank accounts
Properties
-Intangible:
Memories
Shared moment
Time and effort spent on the relationship

Question 15

Personality Traits and Styles

Answer 15

Openness to experience
Conscientiousness
Extraversion
Agreeableness
Neuroticism
OCEAN

Question 16

Openness to experience

Answer 16

Appreciation for adventure, imagination, curiosity

Question 17

Conscientiousness

Answer 17

Tendency to display self-discipline, strive for achievement, control impulses, regulate

Question 18

Extraversion

Answer 18

Getting energy from external activity/situations, enjoying interacting with people, perceived as having high energy, assert themselves

Question 19

Agreeableness

Answer 19

Concern for social harmony; tendency to want to get along with others, willing to compromise,

Question 20

Neuroticism

Answer 20

-Tendency to experience negative emotions (anxiety, anger, depression)
-Low tolerance for stress or aversive stimuli

Question 21

Attachment styles

Answer 21

-Patterns of approaching and developing relationships with others
-Develops from childhood
-Tends to be stable but can change as a result of new relationships

Question 22

Security attached individuals (Anchor)

Answer 22

-Secure as individuals
-Willing to commit
-Less anxiety of being abandoned
-Adapts easily, flexible individuals
-Can help insecure people to be more secure
-Expects that partners are supportive and respectful

Question 23

Avoidantly Attached individuals (Island)

Answer 23

-Independent, self reliant, and sometimes non-available
-Not comfortable with intimacy
-Fear of dependence
-Productive and creative especially when given space
-Low maintenance
-More likely to perceive potential threat in a social interaction
-Overly sensitive to perceived intrusions by significant other
-Wanting alone time

Question 24

Anxiously-attached individuals (Wave)

Answer 24

-Giving and generous
-Happiest around other people
-Anxious about a partner not loving or leaving them
-Jealousy and overthinking
-Desire to connect but afraid of connecting

Question 25

Ester Perel’s Ted Talk

Answer 25

-Fosters lasting desire in a long-term relationship
-Lack of leads to fading passions
-Crisis of desire = crisis of imagination
-Conflict between love and desire
-Love is to have and desire is to want
-Love is closeness and desire needs space
-We have two fundamental needs that needs to be balances; security and novelty
-Parallels Stephen Mitchell