Intimate Partner Abuse (Handout) Flashcards
What are the 12 different categories of abuse on the Power and Control wheel?
Emotional abuse Intellectual abuse Financial abuse Pets and property abuse Psychological abuse Physical abuse Verbal abuse Sexual abuse Spiritual abuse Using children Social abuse Using culture
What kind of actions are considered emotional abuse? (11 examples)
Teasing, invalidating feelings, using guilt, blaming me for everything, being jealous, threatening, withholding affection, waking me up, silent treatment, stalking, continuous texting
What kind of actions are considered intellectual abuse? (7 examples)
Having to prove things to him, mind games, demanding perfection, making me feel stupid, attacking my ideas and opinions, manipulation of information, telling me I’m crazy
What kind of actions are considered financial abuse? (9 examples)
Calling welfare, limiting access to money, making me account for every penny, controlling the money, closing bank accounts, wasting, creating debt, not paying child support, taking care of own needs
What kinds of actions are considered pet and property abuse? (5 examples)
Killing or threatening pets, punching walls and doors, throwing things, damaging the vehicle, smashing and breaking things
What kinds of actions are considered psychological abuse? (6 examples)
Intimidating gestures or actions, threatening suicide, threatening to kill me, displaying weapons, denying he said things, making light of the abuse
What kinds of actions are considered physical abuse? (9 examples)
Blocking exits, driving too fast, locking me out of the house, intimidating me, punching or kicking me, spitting on me, choking me, hitting me, restraining me
What kinds of actions are considered verbal abuse? (6 examples)
Name calling, swearing, yelling at me, insulting me, being condescending, being sarcastic
What kinds of actions are considered sexual abuse? (8 examples)
Threatening to or having an affair, forcing or manipulating sex, sexual put-downs, criticizing how I dress, withholding sex, comparing me to others, using pornography, demanding sex as payment
What kinds of actions are considered spiritual abuse? (5 examples)
Putting down my faith, cutting me off from my church, using church and faith to his advantage, soul destroying behaviour, using scripture against me
What kinds of actions are considered using children? (5 examples)
Abusing children, threatening to harm or take children away, refusing to make support payments, belittling me in front of my children, using visitation as leverage
What kinds of actions are considered social abuse? (4 examples)
Isolating me from my friends and family, monitoring phone calls or mileage, dictating who I can see, preventing me from working
What kinds of actions are considered using culture? (4 examples)
Using his culture as an excuse for abuse, putting down my culture, forcing me to adopt his cultural practices, doesn’t allow me to participate in mainstream culture
What are 10 ways a child can be changed by violence at home?
- Children are denied a good father and positive male role model.
- Abuse can harm the mother/child bond.
- Children can develop negative core beliefs about themselves.
- Children can be isolated from helpful sources of support.
- Unhealthy family roles can evolve in homes with domestic violence.
- Abuse destroys a child’s view of the world as a safe and predictable place.
- Abuse co-occurs with other stresses and adversities with negative effects.
- A child’s style of coping and survival may become problematic.
- Children may adopt some of the rationalization for abuse.
- Children can believe that victimization is inevitable or normal.
Explain the way a child can be changed by violence at home:
1. Children are denied a good father and a positive male role model.
As described by psychologists Lundy Bancroft and Jay Silverman, most abusive men are self-centered and manipulative and either use authoritarian parenting or have little involvement with the children. A man’s abusive behaviour fosters disrespect for their mother and undermines her parenting authority. Even between violent incidents, abusive men can have a toxic influence on daily family dynamics.
Explain the way a child can be changed by violence at home:
2. Abuse can harm the mother/child bond.
An abusive man undermines a mother’s efforts to parent, whether by contradicting her, sapping her confidence as a parent, or eroding the children’s view of her as a person worthy of respect. She may change her own parenting style in reaction to his parenting style. Children may be angry that she stayed with him, afraid she will go back, or worried she will get involved with another abusive man. They may not trust her to keep them safe and may even doubt if she loves them.
Explain the way a child can be changed by violence at home:
3. Children can develop negative core beliefs about themselves.
We all have core beliefs about ourselves. Am I smart, compassionate or optimistic? Am I someone who deserves to be happy? Am I someone with something to offer the world? Am I of lesser value because I’m female? Am I entitled to having my way even if it disadvantages others? Am I in control of my choices or does life throw bad luck my way? Core beliefs are formed in childhood and parents are a big part of that process.
Explain the way a child can be changed by violence at home:
4. Children can become isolated from helpful sources of support.
To hide family secrets, children who live with woman abuse usually don’t invite friends home, they try and prevent parents’ contact with others (e.g. hiding memos about parent/teacher night), and even deny anything is wrong if queried by a concerned adult. They know instinctively, or are warned, that bad things will happen if the world learns the family secrets. They learn to pass as “normal”. In consequences, they are cut off from people who could listen and help or people who could recognize the problem.
Explain why a child can be changed by violence at home:
5. Unhealthy family roles can evolve in homes with domestic violence.
Roles in abusive families reflect how each person adapts and copes with the secret, confusing, and sometimes dangerous situation in which they live.
Explain why a child can be changed by violence at home:
6. Abuse destroys a child’s view of the world as a safe and predictable place.
Children may learn many distorted messages. For example, they may learn that you have to deal with your problems by yourself, adults don’t keep their promises, bad things happen no matter how hard I try to be good, and life is not fair. In contrast, children who grow up with encouragement, fairness, and safety can approach life with enthusiasm and embrace new opportunities.
Explain why a child can be changed by violence at home:
7. Abuse co-occurs with other stresses and adversities with negative effects.
Research consistently documents how domestic violence almost never stands alone as the only problem or stress in a family. Family dynamics will probably be affected by one of more of these other problems: parental substance abuse or alcoholism, criminal behaviour and possible incarceration of a parent, mental illness, poverty, residential instability, unemployment, and child abuse or neglect. Children may believe that one of these other issues is responsible for the abuse against their mother.
Explain why a child can be changed by violence at home:
8. A child’s style of coping and survival may become problematic.
Children’s innate ability to adapt serves them well when trapped with abuse, conflict, and violence. Strategies can involve ideas (eg. fantasizing about a better family); actions (eg. running away); or feelings (eg. anger, guilt). Their actions and choices are survival skills: temporarily helpful adaptations to an unhealthy situation. But some, such as running away, create new problems.
Explain why a child can be changed by violence at home:
9. Children may adopt some of the rationalizations for abuse.
Male rationalizations for abuse can include, “I’m the man so I’m in charge” or “God demands that I keep my family in line”. A child believing these ideas could blame the woman for her own victimization, see women as inferior, excuse the man’s abusive behaviour, or even try to emulate him. Such a child could grow up to justify or accept abuse in intimate relationships, workplace settings, or with friends.
Explain why a child can be changed by violence at home:
10. Children can believe that victimization is inevitable or normal.
Messaged conveyed by violence can teach tolerance of abuse and discourage help seeking. Some women clearly stay with their partners out of fear, knowing they’d be seriously injured, stalked, or killed. Some believe “all men are like that so the next one won’t be any better” or that “things will get better when he finds a job”. Girls may develop low expectations of men or believe that women shouldn’t expect happiness.
