Grief Notes 6 Flashcards
CHARACTERISTICS OF HELPING FUNERAL DIRECTOR (WOLFELT)
EMPATHY
RESPECT
WARMTH & CARING
GENUINENESS
– the ability to enter into and share the feelings of others
EMPATHY
– the ability to communicate the belief that everyone possess the capacity and right to choose alternatives and make decisions
RESPECT
– the ability to be considerate and friendly as demonstrated by both verbal and non-verbal behaviors
WARMTH & CARING
– present one’s self sincerely (more your 3 selves are together, the more sincere you will be)
GENUINENESS
PHASES IN THE HELPING RELATIONSHIP (7):
- ENTERING INTO THE HELPING RELATIONSHIP
- BUILDING A HELPING RELATIONSHIP
- EXPLORATION & ASSISTANCE IN HELPING FAMILY UNDERSTAND THEIR ALTERNATIVES
- CONSOLIDATION AND PLANNING
- IMPLEMENT AND ACTION
- CONCLUSION OF THE FUNERAL PROCESS
- POST-FUNERAL SERVICE FOLLOW UP
– a member of the family has phoned your funeral home and informed you of the death of a family member. The family member has asked or your assistance
ENTERING INTO THE HELPING RELATIONSHIP
– you respond by showing a willingness to assist the family, you offer counseling on what needs to be done now. You respond with concern and care to any questions they may have
BUILDING A HELPING RELATIONSHIP
– you listen and explore with the family the variety of alternatives available to them with regard to the funeral, you gather facts, explore feelings and seek mutual understanding.
EXPLORATION & ASSISTANCE IN HELPING FAMILY UNDERSTAND THEIR ALTERNATIVES
– you assist the family in coming two decisions about the funeral that bests meets their needs. You jointly develop a specific action plan design to best meet their emotional needs at this time
CONSOLIDATION AND PLANNING
– you conduct a funeral service that follows the planning model development with the family, you also bring together a variety of helping resources within your community to assist in this action oriented helping process
IMPLEMENT AND ACTION
– you assist the family with a sense of closure upon completion of the funeral. You might join the fellowship that often occurs following the completion of the funeral
CONCLUSION OF THE FUNERAL PROCESS
– after the funeral, you might have a structured follow-up plan to offer additional assistance to families, you may serve as an information and referral source for additional help-oriented services within your community
POST-FUNERAL SERVICE FOLLOW UP
phase of developing new interpersonal skills
- INITIAL LEARNING
- UNCOMFORTABLE USE
- CONSCIOUSLY SKILLED
- NATURALLY SKILLED
– the phase involves learning that some skills are available to you, that you may not have known about. This may result in a combination of excitement about learning something new and some fear about the acquisition process
*remember – with appropriate training and practice you can acquire the ability to communicate even more effectively
INITIAL LEARNING
– in this phase you have increased your awareness of some new ways of communication but probably experience some difficulty in using the new skills. You may feel mechanical and like this really isn’t you speaking or listening. You do not feel spontaneous because you have to think very carefully as you attempt to use any new skills
UNCOMFORTABLE USE
– in this phase you begin to use the skills more effectively however; you continue to be more self-conscious as you use them. You are getting better at using the skills, but they still feel somewhat mechanical. You can begin to use language that is natural to whom you are.
CONSCIOUSLY SKILLED
– this final phase occurs only after you have completed the training and practice the skills extensively. You must use the skills on a daily basis over and extended time to get to this level. The skills come naturally and comfortably without you even consciously thinking about them
NATURALLY SKILLED
ESSENTIAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
- ATTENDING OR LISTENING
- PARAPHRASING
- CLARIFYING
- PERCEPTION CHECKING
- LEADING
- QUESTIONING
- REFLECTING FEELINGS
- INFORMING
- SUMMARIZING
when the funeral director physically communicates interest or give attention to the person (giving undivided attention by means of verbal and non verbal behavior)
ATTENDING OR LISTENING
– a method of restating the person’s basic message in similar but usually fewer words. (expressing a thought or idea in an alternate and sometimes a shortened form)
PARAPHRASING
– the process of bringing vague content in the interaction into clearer focus or understanding. (clarifying goes beyond paraphrasing because you make a guess about the persons basic message and restate it)
CLARIFYING
where you ask the person for verification of your understanding of what has been said over the past several statements. (check that understanding is taking place with the other person)
PERCEPTION CHECKING
anticipating where the person is going and responding with a positive encouraging remark. (it is you, slightly anticipating the persons direction of thought)
LEADING
– a method for gaining information and increasing understanding
QUESTIONING
when you express in fresh words the essential feeling stated or strongly implied of a person
REFLECTING FEELINGS
– sharing of facts possessed by a funeral director (providing information that will allow the person to make an informed decision
INFORMING
– a method of trying to gather several ideas and feelings at the end of a period of discussion or the arrangement conference. ( a brief review of points covered in a portion of the counseling session)
SUMMARIZING
What are the barriers to effective communication?
According to Wolfelt
Funeral Director Dominance Dominating behaviors The “bombarder” Inappropriate self-disclosure To offer platitudes Discouraging the expression of emotions Emotional distancing
Dominance is an interaction with another person best described by the following:
(1) general sense of impatience, (2) (changing the subject, (3) attempting to persuade and (4) lecturing or preaching.
The “dominator” often thinks he/she knows the answer before the question is even asked. He/she thinks they know exactly what people should do and likes to tell them when and how to do it.
This person is often a very poor listener.
Funeral Director Dominance
communicate a sense of disrespect for a person’s ability to decide what is best for self.
Dominating behaviors
might run off a series of questions such as “what was your father’s date of birth”?, “where was he born”?. “was he a veteran” ? Bombarding with questions communicates that the funeral director is interested in facts, not feelings. In addition, this pattern of interaction is usually difficult to change. Oftentimes, it forces the other person into a passive role which hinders further communication.
The “bombarder”
is focusing too much on yourself. Self- disclosure behavior usually bores people to death. This type of funeral director likes to talk about self, particularly personal experiences. He/she becomes so involved relating his/her experiences the family is left out of the discussion. Self disclosure on your part can be appropriate on occasion; however, in general, the best procedure is to keep the focus on the family you are assisting.
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It’s not about you!
Inappropriate self-disclosure
or false reassurance is to distance yourself from the person you are attempting to help. When someone has experienced the death of a loved one, false reassurance often leave feelings of loneliness, misunderstanding and emptiness. They don’t want to hear cliches like,”time heals all wounds,” “everything is going to be just fine” or “hang in there”.
You will be better off exploring painful realities than to communicate an attitude of false reassurance
To offer platitudes
Don’t make comments similar to, “tears won’t bring him back,” and “ he wouldn’t want you to cry.” Crying is nature’s way of releasing internal tension in the body and allowing the mourner to communicate a need to be comforted. Becoming a helping funeral director means making a commitment allowing people to share their emotions and tears.
Discouraging the expression of emotions and tears
can occur in helping relationships in different ways. Detachment occurs when you simply perform the required tasks while maintaining a sense of personal aloofness and distance.
Emotional distancing
