Grief Notes 4

Question 1

A Jewish Rabbi who conducted extensive research about death and dying. He wrote numerous books and articles on this subject.
He identified four (4) stages by age of how children deal/cope with death.

Answer 1

Rabbi Earl Grollman

Question 2

Grollman’s (4) stages by age of how children deal/cope with death

Answer 2

1. Stage 1 (Birth – 3 YEARS)
2. Stage 2 (3 – 5 YEARS)
3. Stage 3 (5 – 9 YEARS)
4. Stage 4 (9+ YEARS)

Question 3

no comprehension of death due to the limited intellectual and cognitive abilities of the child.

Answer 3

Stage 1 (Birth – 3 YEARS)

Question 4

unable to understand the finality of death; death is like sleep or like taking a long journey

Answer 4

Stage 2 (3 – 5 YEARS)

Question 5

may understand that death is final but may not accept it as something that happens to everyone, often personify death (boogeyman)

Answer 5

Stage 3 (5 – 9 YEARS)

Question 6

understands that death is final

Answer 6

Stage 4 (9+ YEARS)

Question 7

Conducted a study in 1948 in Budapest, Hungary and identified three (3) levels of how a child understands death.

Answer 7

Marie Nagy

Question 8

Nagy’s (3) levels of how a child understands death.

Answer 8

1. Level 1 (Birth – 5)
2. Level 2 (5 – 9)
3. Level 3 (9+)

Question 9

a. Death is more “sensed” than understood intellectually.
b. Their perception is being “asleep” or temporarily gone.
c. They have numerous questions about the body, casket, grave and cemetery.

Answer 9

Level 1 (Birth – 5)

Question 10

a. Death is viewed outside the child and often personified.
b. Child believes he/she can escape death by outwitting the “death person”.
c. Eventually sees death as irreversible.

Answer 10

Level 2 (5 – 9)

Question 11

Completely understands that death is final and inevitable.

Answer 11

Level 3 (9+)

Question 12

EXPLAINING DEATH TO CHILDREN (BE SPECIFIC!):

WHAT NOT TO SAY:

Answer 12

• Make believe stories or fairy tales
• Something you wouldn’t believe yourself
• Mother has gone on a long journey
• God took dad away because he wants and loves the good in heaven
• Daddy are in heaven
• Grandma died cause she was sick
• To die is to sleep

Question 13

EXPLAINING DEATH TO CHILDREN (BE SPECIFIC!):

WHAT TO SAY:

Answer 13

• Share your own religious convictions
• Speak in concrete terms rather than philosophical ones
• Grant permission to cry or express feelings
• Acknowledge when you do not know the answer

Question 14

Should children go funeral? CHILDREN ND FUNERALS:

Answer 14

The funeral is an important occasion in the life of the family. A child should have the same right as other members of the family to attend the funeral. Not only is it correct to permit a child to attend a funeral, but approximately the age of 7, a child should be encouraged to attend.

Question 15

• Children understand death in different ways based on the attitudes of others.
• The child’s experience with dying and death and the death education she/he receives determines the child’s future handling of grief throughout a lifetime.

Answer 15

1

Question 16

What can the funeral director do (child understanding)?

Answer 16

• Knowledge is power.
• The funeral home/funeral director can have children’s books dealing with death available for children as part of their aftercare program.
• Or, a list of these books for families.
• Or, donate children’s grief books to the local library and direct the families there.
• EDUCATE-EDUCATE-EDUCATE

Question 17

Aftercare describes appropriate acts of helping and/or counseling individuals/families through the grieving process.

Answer 17

AFTERCARE

Question 18

It’s the “service after the service” the funeral home and other agencies and organizations provide free of charge to the bereaved.

Answer 18

AFTERCARE

Question 19

Purpose of Aftercare

Answer 19

Facilitate the mourning process through education and support opportunities within a non-judgmental framework.
Also known as the post-funeral follow-up.

Question 20

Why is Aftercare important?
•Sociological Factors
•Psychological Factors

Answer 20

1

Question 21

• Due to the urbanization and mobilization there is limited support from extended families when dealing with the grief process.
• Most people have very limited experience with death and the mourning process.

Answer 21

Sociological Factors

Question 22

• Lack of emotional support after the death of a loved one can lead to a complicated grief situation if not addressed appropriately.
• Information provided to help the bereaved find professional support is invaluable.

Answer 22

Psychological Factors

Question 23

Types of Aftercare
• Information-oriented
• Direct care

Answer 23

1

Question 24

• Books and other print materials
• Audio-visual
• Internet resources: websites, YouTube videos
• Funeral home lending library or grief resource center would be a valuable resource for bereaved families.

Answer 24

Information-oriented

Question 25

• Grief support groups and events

* Personal follow-up by the funeral director who handled the service in the form of a phone call, personal note, etc.

Answer 25

Direct care

Question 26

While some funeral homes view Aftercare as not profitable, it provides a natural and logical connection between the survivors and the staff and basic services of the funeral home.

Answer 26

1

Question 27

– the individual’s ability to adjust to the psychological and emotional changes brought on by a stressful event such as the death of a significant other

Answer 27

ADAPTATION

Question 28

– the feelings and their expression

Answer 28

AFFECT

Question 29

– a state of tension, typically characterized by rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath and other similar ramifications of arousal of the autonomic nervous system; and emotion characterized by a vague fear or premonition that something undesirable is going to happen

Answer 29

ANXIETY

Question 30

– grief extending over a long period of time without resolution

Answer 30

COMPLICATED GRIEF

Question 31

– a learned emotional response to death-related phenomenon which is characterized by extreme apprehension

Answer 31

DEATH ANXIETY

Question 32

– feelings such as happiness, anger or grief, created by brain patterns accompanied by bodily changes

Answer 32

EMOTIONS

Question 33

– strong emotion marked by such reactions as alarm, dread and disquieting

Answer 33

FEAR

Question 34

– the state of being prevented from attaining a purpose; thwarted; the blocking of the satisfaction of a perceived need by some kind of obstacle.

Answer 34

FRUSTRATION

Question 35

– historically an inn for travelers, especially one kept by a religious order; also used to indicate a concept designed to treat patients with a life-limiting condition

Answer 35

HOSPICE

Question 36

– occur when persons experience symptoms and behaviors which cause them difficulty but they do not see or recognize the fact that these are related to the loss

Answer 36

MASKED GRIEF

Question 37

– a strong emotion characterized by sudden and extreme fear

Answer 37

PANIC

Question 38

– a defense mechanism used in grief to return to more familiar and often more primitive modes of coping

Answer 38

REGRESSION

Question 39

– preoccupied and intense thoughts about the deceased

Answer 39

SEARCHING

Question 40

– the sudden and unexpected death of an apparently healthy7 infant, which remains unexplained after a complete autopsy and a review of the circumstances around the death

Answer 40

SUDDEN INFANT DEATH SYNDROME (S.I.D.S.)

Question 41

– a deliberate act of self destruction

Answer 41

SUICIDE

Question 42

– a conscious postponement of addressing anxieties and concerns

Answer 42

SUPPRESSION