FINAL (Motley textbook study questions) Flashcards
Surveillance Activities
Various attempts at keeping tabs on the object of pursuit.
Harassment & Intimidation
Variety of actions that attempt to exert pressure, frustration, or annoyance to influence behavior
Hyperintimacy
Excessive/exaggerated expressions of courtship and attempts at closeness.
- Crosses line of social acceptability
What are te “Silver Linings” in unwanted pursuits?
- Greater personal resilience
- Confidence
- Trust in friends and family
In the US, what percent of men and women will be stalked in their lifetime?
- 2% Men
- 8% Women
How long does average stalking relationship last?
1.8 years
What is the “knock and talk” strategy?
- Formal cautioning by Police
- List of consequences
What is the number one reason that a stalking episode stopped?
- Direct communication
- Victim moves
What are the carious ways in which victims of unwanted pursuit cope with it?
- Moving Inward
- Moving Outward
- Moving Toward
- Moving Against
- Moving Away
Moving Inward
- Coping with the issue through self-eval
- Least amt of interpersonal communication
- Leads to activities such as meditation, drugs, and drinking
Moving Outward
- Seek advice and counsel from others
- Reaches out
- 82% of victims discuss their situation with someone else
Moving Toward
- Direct interaction with the pursuer
- Any actions taken to drive the relationship TOWARD acceptance
Moving Against
- Actions and behaviors aimed at incapacitating pursuer
- Threatens pursuer
- Legal action
- Engaging in aggression against pursuer
Moving Away
- Increase of victim’s inaccessibility to the pursuer
- Change numbers, e-mails, routes, and routines
- “being where the pursuer is not”
What are the psychological and relational beliefs and complications that lead up to a stalking episode?
- Culture instills “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again,” (playing hard to get)
- Media
- Indirect rejection leads to other still wanting to pursue relationship
Males and females interact more frequently via what?
Events like social activities, classes, work, marriages etc.
Romantic or sexual attraction by at least one partner will happen at least __-__% of the time
10-40%
What is the most common outcome of “unrequited romantic disclosures?”
- Dissolved friendship
- Largely due to the absences of scripts /socializations for handling these inherently awkward episodes.
What conditions occurred when the post-disclosure friendships lasted rather than when they dissolved?
- Friendship = long established
- Solid foundation of openness and honesty prior disclosure
- Crush and liker actively pursued friendship
- They wanted to remain friends despite asymmetry
What conditions DID NOT occur when the post-disclosure friendships lasted?
- Either partners avoid social contact
- Romantically inclined partner complained about the absence of mutual feelings
- Platonically inclined partner suggests that mutual romantic feelings may develop
- Platonically inclined tell their friends about the episodes
What were the guidelines given for a friendship to be maintained after unrequited feelings of romance have been disclosed?
- Put in effort and show the friendship is still important to you
- Let your partner know that you accept their rejection and that you can handle being friends
- do your best to let go of discomfort/embarassment
- Partner who confessed? Attempt to discourage the idea that you pressuring your partner toward feels
- Generally inadvisable behavior
- Outcome of salvaging the friendship is more likely if:
Putting effort into the friendship means:
- Verbally communicating that friendship is important
- Don’t change relationship you had before
- refrain from further conversing about confession
Letting your partner know that you accept rejection and can handle staying friends means
- Verbally communicating that you accept
- Drop the matter
Letting go of discomfort means
- Return to earlier patterns of behavior/communication
- DROP THE MATTER
Outcome of salvaging the friendship is more likely if:
- You know ea. other and have been friends for a long time
* You have spent a lot of time together before it happened.
What were the interactive aspects of interpersonal guilt?
- Relational closeness and satisfaction
- Perceived effectiveness/appropriateness of guilt message
What are the three primary functions of guilt messages?
- Enhance patterns of behavior
- Influence a relational partner
- Redistribute emotional distress
Enhance patterns of behavior means..
Enforce social or communal norms
Out of the three primary functions, which is the most common?
Influence a relational partner
What does the author mean by the “Jekyll and Hyde nature of interpersonal guilt?”
Conflict between appropriateness and effectiveness can improve/give relationship negative consequences.
What is likely to occur when guilt messages are used?
- Potential to accomplish multiple goals for sender
- Successful guilt message will motivate partner to behave in ways that’s positive for relationship
- Negative is that the receiver will feel manipulated or devalue themselves
What are the final recommendations given to relational partners regarding the use of guilt messages?
- Openly discuss issues
- Resist temptations to use guilt
- Step back and look at facts
Cross Complaining
One spouse’s relational complaint is met with a counter complaint
Mutual Hostility
- Verbal attacks from both parties
- Positively related to stress and stress-related problems
Four Horsemen
Sequence of behaviors that predict divorce:
- Criticism
- Defensiveness
- Contempt
- Stonewalling
Validation Loops
- Form of constructive communication
- Complaint is acknowledged
- Willing to discuss before another complaint is brought up
Out of Cross Complaining, Mutual Hostility, Four Horsemen, and Validation loops, Which one is the main leader to divorce?
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Out of Cross Complaining, Mutual Hostility, Four Horsemen, and Validation loops, Which one is said to be the most constructive
Validation Loops
What is said about constructive communication conflict strategies?
Validation loops acknowledge other’s complaints and willing to discuss
- Validate each other
- Practice self control
- Avoid conflict escalation
- Focus on resolving the issue
- Supportive of each other
What are the three skills necessary to PREVENT mutual hostility?
- Avoid negative start-up
- Develop skills to constructively express anger
- Identify escalating sequences and engage in behavior that will avoid escalation
What are the common “female resistance messages” to sexual escalation?
- Direct (I don’t want to do this)
- Less direct (we can do other things just not that)
- Indirect (I’m on my period)
What is the MOST COMMON “female resistance message” to sexual escalation?
Indirect
Which of the messages are direct?
Those that are clear and straightforward
Which of the messages are indirect?
Those that are misleading and vague
What percent of college women have reported having experienced a male attempting to escalate physical intimacy beyond her comfort zone?
75-80% of women
Males are more likely to interpret ______ messages and are ____ likely to react negatively to ______ messages
- Direct
- Less
- Direct
Males interpret ________ messages to mean what they would mean if they said them.
Indirect
What are the PROS for giving advice?
- May strengthen relationships
- Recipient obtains useful info
- Receiver is soothed
What are the CONS for giving advice?
- May not be needed/wanted
- Bad advice may lead to negative output/damage
- May increase stress
- May increase negative perception
What are the guidelines for giving advice?
- Needs to be appropriate to situation
- Must choose whether/how to give advice based on them being the source
- Must be respectful and sensitive
- Advice is perceived more positively if they adhere to standards
- Certain characteristics may influence how advice is received
- Think carefully about action
- Use best moral judgement
What were the various facts provided regarding forgiveness in relationships?
- Relational justice –> positive for repair and recovery
- There are “better” and “worse” ways to seek and grant forgiveness.
Forgiveness is the _______ ______ of relational morality by learning to _______ couples may find ____ ___ _______ in relationship’s darkest moments
- Central matter
- Forgive
- Hope and Justice
Which forgiveness strategies are associated with the MOST relationship improvement after a transgression?
- Explicit knowledge
- Take responsibility for acts
Which forgiveness strategies are associated with the LEAST relationship improvement after a transgression?
- Humor
- Because it deflects serious pain
What were the recommendations offered regarding forgiveness practices of long-term couples?
- Acknowledge wrong doing
- Apologize sincerely
- Address emotion explicitly
- Request outside assistance
- Forgive and REMEMBER
- Use time to advantage
- Revisit communication rules
- Invoke spiritual values
Sexual Intimacy
- Operating on a willingness continuum, w/ simultaneous mutual consent and physical force
- Can be unwanted –> “given in” against one’s will
About __% of college women, and __% of college men have been the partner in unforced but unwanted sexual intercourse
33%
50%
In a study, out of 54 HS student and 230 College students:
- __% reported sexual coercion by physical force
- __% reported verbal coercion
- __% described unwanted seduction through sexual behavior
- __% were compelled after being given alcohol/drugs
- 18% reported sexual coercion by physical force
- 31% reported verbal coercion
- 26% described unwanted seduction through sexual behavior
- 7% were compelled after being given alcohol/drugs
What is the most common general strategy used for verbally coercing someone into sexual intimacy?
- Persuasion
- Deception
- Positive statements
- Logic
- Elicit guilt to engage in sexual intimacy
What is suggested that we all should become aware of so that we are else likely to succumb to coercion messages?
Mistaken impressions by the coercer (the person persuading)
What variables are involved in whether or not people are open to comforting messages?
- Demographic characteristics
- Situational factors
- Psychological Characteristics
Demographic characteristics
- Age
- Sex
- Nationality
- Ethnicity
Situational Factors
- Appropriate and effect
- LPC and HPC vs. Mild/severe distress
- HIMYM example
What does HPC stand for?
Highly Person Centered
Psychological Characteristics
- Personality Traits
- Cognitive abilities
- Values
- Goal orientations
What are the guidelines for providing support via a HPC way?
- Create conversational and comforting environment
- Emphasize ability and willingness to listen
- Directly supporting expression of feelings
- Emphasize the person to tell and extended story
- Express empathy and less personal experiences
How to create a conversational and comforting environment?
By expressing genuine care and concern (pleasantness; “I really care for you”)
How to emphasize ability and willingness to listen?
By expressing feelings that their story is important.
“I want you to know that I’m here for you”
How do you directly support expression of feelings?
By allowing the discloser to fully express their feelings
How do you get the person to emphasize and tell an extended story?
By using “tell me more” expressions like “I want to hear the whole story”
How do you express empathy and less personal experiences?
By encouraging the expression and indicating understanding of feelings
AVOID expressions that bring the story back to you, its all about them right now
Demographic characteristics
- Age
- Sex
- Nationality
- Ethnicity
Situational Factors
- Appropriate and effect
- LPC and HPC vs. Mild/severe distress
- HIMYM example
What does HPC stand for?
Highly Person Centered
Psychological Characteristics
- Personality Traits
- Cognitive abilities
- Values
- Goal orientations
What are the guidelines for providing support via a HPC way?
- Create conversational and comforting environment
- Emphasize ability and willingness to listen
- Directly supporting expression of feelings
- Emphasize the person to tell and extended story
- Express empathy and less personal experiences
How to create a conversational and comforting environment?
By expressing genuine care and concern (pleasantness; “I really care for you”)
How to emphasize ability and willingness to listen?
By expressing feelings that their story is important.
“I want you to know that I’m here for you”
How do you directly support expression of feelings?
By allowing the discloser to fully express their feelings
How do you get the person to emphasize and tell an extended story?
By using “tell me more” expressions like “I want to hear the whole story”
How do you express empathy and less personal experiences?
By encouraging the expression and indicating understanding of feelings
AVOID expressions that bring the story back to you, its all about them right now
Competence Face
- To be recognized for what one has done
- Desire to be appreciated
- Desire for recognition
- Addressed by corresponding messages of approbation (approval)
What are communication episodes involving a person experiencing distress and a person attempting to alleviate said distress?
Supportive interactions
Support Seeker
A person EXPERIENCING distress
Support Provider
A person attempting to alleviate distress
What are verbal and nonverbal acts intended to be helpful and usually come from the support provider?
Supportive Messages
What are the suggestions for SUPPORT PROVIDERS?
- Encourage the support seeker’s discussion of feelings
- Praise the coping efforts of the support seeker
- Be pleasant and acknowledge the support seeker’s autonomy face
Dilemmas for the provider
- Makes sure what the seeker’s desires are
- Offers support and is rejected
- Feeling constrained to provide support in the first place
What is facework?
A communication designed to create, sport, enhance, or challenge interactional identities
What are the 3 types of facework?
- Fellowship Face
- Competence Face
- Autonomy Face
Fellowship Face
- To be accepted for who one is
- Desire to be included
- Feel a sense of belonging
- Addressed by corresponding messages of solidarity
Competence Face
- To be recognized for what one has done
- Desire to be appreciated
- Desire for recognition
- Addressed by corresponding messages of approbation (approval)
Autonomy Face
- Desire to not be imposed upon
- to have control over one’s environment and freedom of choice
- Addressed by corresponding messages of tact
What is “involvement”?
- Feeling and signaling “attentiveness, interest, and participation in interaction.”
What are the suggestions provided for SUPPORT SEEKERS?
- Discuss your feelings
- Respect your partner’s autonomy face
- Be involved and pleasant
Respect your partner’s autonomy face means what?
Value insight/comments without implying that they have to provide anything in return
Television viewing provides opportunity to support relational maintenance behaviors such as: Small Talk
- Comments about the program
- Share impressions or thoughts
- Ask for clarifications
Television watching is an important context in which __________ ___________ may take place.
Relational maintenance
Relational Maintenance
Strategic and routine behaviors couples perform in order to keep their relationships at a desired level of satisfaction
What behaviors are associated with “positivity”?
- Probes for positivity
- Compliments
- Favors
- Courtesy
- Affectional expressions
Joint television watching ________ and _______ communication between couples
- Supports
- Promotes
Television viewing provides opportunity to support relational maintenance behaviors such as…
- Positivity
- Assurances
- Sharing and negotiating tasks
- Discussing social networks
- Humor
- Small talk
Television viewing provides opportunity to support relational maintenance behaviors such as: Positivity
Expressions of courtesy
Television viewing provides opportunity to support relational maintenance behaviors such as: Assurances
Planning for future indicating relational affirmation
Television viewing provides opportunity to support relational maintenance behaviors such as: Sharing and/or Negotiating
Assign/discuss how to complete tasks
Television viewing provides opportunity to support relational maintenance behaviors such as: Discussing Social Netowrks
Talk about friends family social media
Television viewing provides opportunity to support relational maintenance behaviors such as: Small Talk
- Comments about the program
- Share impressions or thoughts
- Ask for clarifications
