Conflict in relationships

Question 1

What is conflict?

Answer 1

Motives, goals, beliefs, opinions, or bhvr interfering w/ those of another

The are inevitable in relationships

Question 2

What is the frequency of conflict in relationships?

Answer 2

Lloyd (1987) = dating couples, 2.3 conflicts per week

Papp et al. (2009) = married couples, memorable diff. in opinion ~3-4 per week

McGonagle et al. (1992) = unpleasant disagreements ~ 1-2 per month

Question 3

Name the four horsemen of the apocalypse in a relationship.

Answer 3

1. Criticism
2. Contempt
3. Defensiveness
4. Stonewalling

Question 4

What is criticism in a relationship?

Answer 4

Attacking personality/ character vs airing disagreements by focusing on spec. bhvr

“I can’t believe you didn’t take out the trash. You
are so irresponsible!” vs “I’m upset that you didn’t take out the trash

Question 5

What is contempt in a relationship?

Answer 5

One step up from criticism – involves tearing down or being insulting towards partner

Disrespect and disgust, acting superior e.g., rolling eyes, sneering, or using sarcastic put-downs

“You are so stupid, you wouldn’t know the answer if it walked up and hit you in the face.”

Question 6

What is defensiveness in a relationship?

Answer 6

Denying responsibility, making excuses, or cross-complaining

Natural response to ‘attack,’ but causes feelings of tension + prevents partners from hearing each other

“I did not cheat on you, we were on a break! And you were the one who left me in the first place!”

Question 7

What is stonewalling in a relationship?

Answer 7

Refusal to respond – this is a withdrawal from the conflict, the relationship, + from the partner

e.g., ignoring the partner, leaving the room, picking up book, turning on computer etc.
Stonewalling

Question 8

Are conflict patters common in every relationships?

Answer 8

Cross-cultural = hostile conflict patterns are quite commons + assoc. w/ relationship dissatisfaction

Busby & Holman (2009) = 2,000 couples reported 24% hostile patterns

Li et al. (2019) = same patterns + assoc. w/ dissatisfaction in China

Question 9

What causes conflict in relationships?

Answer 9

Lack of responsiveness:

Busby and Holman (2009) = Empathy, respect, understanding, validation + being collaborators vs antagonists

Question 10

What are transgressions?

Answer 10

Hurtful actions by others we trusted + didn’t expect to misbehave (e.g., infidelity, lying, breaking promises)

Question 11

How is forgiveness related to relationships

Answer 11

In response to transgressions. Letting go motivation to retaliate + work towards reconciliation w/ offender

Helps to repair relationship (Fincham et al., 2007)

Promotes victims personal well-being (Karremans et
al., 2003)

Question 12

What factors may lead to constructive conflict and forgiveness?

Answer 12

Commitment = motivation to act constructively

Self-control = ability to act constructively e.g Baumeister et al. (1994), the self-regulation.

Best case scenario when both partners = high commitment + self-control (Van der Wal et al., 2014)

Question 13

What does commitment and self-control predict?

Answer 13

Accommodation: inhibit destructive impulses, respond constructively when partner behaves negatively (Finkel & Campbell, 2001; Rusbult et al., 2001)

Staying faithful: resist attractive alternative partners (Pronk et al., 2011)

Forgiveness: inhibit impulse to ruminate about offense (Burnette et al., 2014; Karremans et al., 2003)