Coaching Flashcards
Coaching is empowering people. More accurately empowering themselves to see this, to awaken to see this:
Help empower people to see a new future that can happen if they are simply willing to put in what is necessary to create it.
Do this with excellence!
- a letter describing the future you see them creating
- A card…
- Sometimes facing their BS and excuses
- An object lesson
Our Chief Want in Life
Quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Somebody who will make us do what we can”
The Most Helpful Thing We can Do For People
Nathaniel Branden
“I am convinced that one of the most helpful things we can do for people is to REFUSE to buy into their inappropriately restricted views of their limitations.”
What to look for in new clients? Tune up your WILLINGNESS radar when coaching. See this…call their attention to this.
Don’t spend an extra moment with people who are content and in default mode and unwilling to create something new. Go after people who are ready for a jet propulsion engine.
Are they willing to put in the work. Tune up your “willingness” radar. To see willingness!
Coaching is all about these three things:
Coaching is all about pulling someone’s heart and soul out, helping them look at it (without judgment) and being honest about whether they are living up to their fullest potential.
The Intelligence of Offending People When Coaching
Never avoid offending your client in your commitment to love, serve and believe in them.
Say it with love and what is true for you. Deliver with conviction, powerfully.
Learn the Art of Saying to People What no one Else will Say
Provocation, Coaching and Waking People Up
I enjoy provoking people so that they wake up, stand up, and start speaking up for themselves, otherwise we just lie there.
The core Buddhist teaching is a person must wake up from their sleepwalking life to be able realize their true Self and see the true Self in others. The term Buddha actually means, “one who is awake.”
Coaching is not about delivering expert advice or downloading all your wisdom. It’s about provocation.
There is great value in provocation vs advice!
Sometimes it takes a 2x4 to get a clients attention.d
Michelangelo and Truly Great Coaching
The Awakening Slave Sculpture-
Michelangelo, “ I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free”
Coaching, when truly great, does that too.
Transformation more often involves taking things away instead of continuously trying to add things.
Power is the person’s capacity to produce a change.
Re-invention is a person’s capacity to tap into that power.
This equally true for businesses and organizations
Coach people to be powerful.
Power is a person’s capacity to produce a change. Help clients to cultivate their personal power of self, service, productivity and prosperity.
Great Coaching Always Help Their Clients Remember and Reinforce This one Thing:
Coaches always help client address the WHY.
Coaches helps connect you to your own purpose. That’s the real coaching connection.
People forget who they are, what they want, what they believe is possible, and why they want it. They lose sight of what creates results that lead to joy and fulfilment.
Coaching always brings them back to their core.
Our first assignment is to connect my clients to their hidden momentum AND often, DISCONNECT them from their damaged, disconnected “personalities”
Ie- African tribal song for a child.
Purposes produces amazing energy and momentum
We either live from purpose or personality.
(Article in Steve Chandler’s coaxing connection book chapter 30)
Great coaching helps people wake up and come alive again to their innate, pre-existing drive to CREATE.
Great coaches finds ways to help clients tap into their pre-existing drive to create and allow that to come alive again to their capacity to CREATE.
The client describes a problem and the coach can simply ask “given that problem, what would you like to create ?
Great coaching is creating a partnership. It REQUIRES a partnership!
A partnership is two people co-creating a vision and then executing the vision by agreement.
Great coaches create agreements and results.
Thee BIG Answer (Solution) to Coaches, Leaders, Consultants, Complaints about Disengaged Owners, crappy dieters, clients being non-committed is understanding the distinction between Agreements and Expectations.
Great coaches stop being disappointed and stop complaining when they start leading from co-created, air-tight agreements and drop the whole expectation thing.
Expectations lead to complaints, which lead to resentments, which eventually become irreconcilable differences.
People will not live up to your expectations, but will go to many lengths to keep their promises, their word, their agreements.
Coaching Agreements are fun and creative work of Art.
Agreements are two people designing a work of art together
The Power of Difference-Making
How to make a Real Difference
Stop Trying to Come Across and Start Making a Difference- make meaning by making it meaningful
Suicidal people all have one thing in common. From the linguistics of suicide.
Their state of mind was they didn’t feel they were making any difference, in their opinion.
Helping people make a difference no matter how small and they KNEW they were making a difference. Their lives actually become‘meaningful’.
“If something makes NO difference, it has no meaning!”
“Meaning is the difference something makes. If it makes no difference it has no meaning!”
Difference making is also the key to coaching, creating wealth, creating clients, customers, and creating life you want.
Great coaching then is making a difference in clients BY helping them make a difference, making meaning in their lives
Be a creator of difference- making! Be a creator of making meaning.
The Miracle if Reality
Everything comes from having become clear.
“The faster a person gets in touch with REALITY, the faster they will succeed.
Facing reality is always the first step! No transformation is possible until a person comes to grips with their own bull shit.
Getting real is the spring board, sling shot of rapid transformation.
Show me anyone in touch with reality and I will show you some who succeeds. Radical honesty is a launch pad for rocket fuel energy.
Coaching is such a powerful and practical reality WHEN…
BOTH coach and client COMMIT to creating transformation.
It’s becomes useless, even frustrating when one or the other is NOT committed to the the transformation and no agreements have been clarified and made.
The 17 Promises
These promises have jet in my life.
People do change.
“If we are painstaking about these phases of our development, we WILL be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to KNOW a new freedom and new happiness. We WILL not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We WILL comprehend the word serenity and we WILL know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we WILL see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear. We WILL lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking WILL slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear if people and of economic insecurity WILL leave us. We WILL intuitively know how to handle situations that used to battle and baffle us. We WILL suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are the extravagant, impossible PROMISES? We thin not! They are being fulfilled among us- sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They WILL always materialize IF we work them!”
How many promises? ( 17 )
The Power of Commitment
The power if keeping your word, of keeping promises made.
This is creating your life by what we speak. Our language is generative not merely descriptive. This is creativity at its finest.
What do I want to create today? My day is our opportunity.
To help your clients get it, help them see it!
How?
Use vivid parables, vivid visuals, metaphors, illustrations, and object lessons
- movies, books, games, etc
Coaching the BODY, Mind and spirit.
Coaching AND exercise are both about developing the power to make and keep commitments, which becomes our core integrity.
Help your clients feel the learning. To get it by moving their body.
Richard Branson(virgin fame), in answer to the question, how to be more productive?
Work out!
A good coach isn’t afraid to move your body.
Re- introduce your clients to their body. Most clients are experiencing body neglect.
Most of our overweight clients are struggling with their bodies.
There is an important body-mind connection. They want to create something magnificent but they are being stopped by their bodies.
Help them work in their core, both their physical core and their inner core
Change your body- change your life!
Counselling vs Coaching
Advice-giving vs Empowering
Counselling helps people through their weaknesses. Equipping/coaching helps people work on and from their strengths.
Coach people to not only work on but to soar with your strengths
That’s more about innate capacity and potential rather than fixing something broken.
Powering life Possible!
Metaphors of capacity
The Rabbit School parable
JFK speech/ throwing hat over the wall
Blowing cap off capacity
Life is a 10 speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use Charles Schulz / Peanuts
Self awareness questions and limiting factors
Excuses Talk without listening Unresolved negative emotions Habitual self distraction Little personal reflection Unwilling to pay the price
Being stuck at a certain level and unable to go deeper(reflection/awareness), go farther(comfort zone) and go higher(vision)
Without self awareness, you will be stuck in life and unable to move forward.
This requires another person’s help. A coach
Is their hunger for growth mindset or is it fixed?
What’s missing?
What don’t I know?
What are my blind spots?
What’s holding me back?
What is my potential?
The Coach’s Currency and Collateral is Conversations
What are the key conversations of IP Diet coaches
Helping People Change
Coaching with compassion for lifelong learning and growth
The best way to help others learn, grow and change is by helping them move closer to their ideal self- their dreams, and visions of their ideal future.
Help them invest time reflecting, clarifying, articulating the details of personal vision and try to separate heart felt desires from shoulda, woulda, coulda.
The magic mental Toughness question is what to you really really really want?
Coaches paint on the canvases of personal dreams, desires and vision
Our job is to watch people, listen to them, see them, hear them, figure out what they dream of and then create a transformation and transaction that can deliver that feeling.
When people don’t act as you expected them to, look for their fear
It’s difficult to dream of anything when you think about bring eaten by a grizzly. Even a made up one.
What do you really really want? Respect, successful independent maybe little famous, appreciated noticed, seen.
3 specific Transformational Changes
Coaches Help Create in PeopleSeeking Help
- People will discover, reaffirm and articulate their personal vision , including dreams, passion, purpose, beliefs and values.
- People will experience changes in behaviour, thoughts, and/or feelings that will move them closer to realizing their personal vision.
- People will build or maintain a resonate relationship with the coach, helper, and with other supportive people in their lives.
The driving, sustaining force of significant transformational change (ie social justice of being black in America) was b/c the ALWAYs, ALWAYS, repeatedly drew on :
- Core values and beliefs
- belief in God, American constitution, humanism, children deserve a better world/future
Survival yes! But more Shared vision. , values, beliefs and dreams
I have a dream speech.
The Transformative Conversation
It’s a meaningful conversation about the nature of human experience.
The Human experience is that which us tru for all human beings.
“As coaches we have the most wonderful job in the world. We find people in various stages of sleep. And then we get to tap them on the shoulder and be with them as they wake up to the full magnificence of life”
Sydney Banks
Elements of Transformative Conversations
- Slow down enough to notice this world Of Deeper feeling that is hard to describe and define- space where miracles happen. It is always available to us.
- Instead of looking at all the details of our current life and circumstances to make sense of our experience(s), we direct our focus inward to the source and nature of that experience.
Being able to see Our experiences are being Created from the inside out.
This is the gift of deeper understanding
- The transformative conversation is also psychological and spiritual by nature
We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience
By French Jesuit, Teilhard de Chardin
Transformative conversations helps people in enjoying the present and creating the future.
Assists clients to tap into their own inner senses and inner genius.
Instead of giving people what they say they want, a transformative coach assists/teaches you how to get it for yourself
We act as a change catalyst to bringing out our clients inner genius to life.
Help people learn to unleash their inner genie.
Learn the keys to knowing, trusting, inspiring, loving yourself (the 4 pillars of an extraordinary life.
Courage to Coach
Hard thinking and soul searching about the fundamental value and purpose of what we do as coaches
Going deeper involves purpose, passion, Hope.
What’s worth fighting for
