Close Relationships - Getting Closer Flashcards
Do people’s dating preferences predict who they want to date?:
- Before speed dating event, participants rated the importance of a series of characteristics in a potential partner:
- Physical attractiveness
- Earning potential
- Friendliness
- Aspects of their personality
· At the end of each speed date, they rated the person on each of these characteristics - 0-100 scale
· They then tick whether or not they wanted to see them again
· Did preferences predict mate selection?
Do people’s dating preferences predict who they want to date? 2:
· No
· There was no relationship between what people said they wanted before the event and who they wanted to date after the event
· Picking partners might be different than picking other things.
· Random dating and mixing up the gene pool is really good evolved mechanism
- Research with twins - identical twins their tastes are different
Do people’s dating preferences predict who they want to date? 3:
· Similar studies since then -> similar findings (e.g., Joel et al, 2017 - used machine learning)
· Predicting romantic attraction more “random: than we may believe
- May feel as though destined to be together (they’re all they ever wanted) but this seems the result rather than the cause of liking someone
- Predetermined lists of preferences discount the “dyadic” processes - they cant capture the dyadic interaction
Non-verbal signals of romantic interest:
· Smiling, increased eye contact
- Pupil dilation (Pronk et al, 2021)
· Synchronised gestures and mimicking (Karremans and Verwikmeren, 2008)
· Touch on face, neck, torso (vulnerable body parts)
· Less distance, oriented toward each other
· Speech (e.g., matching volume and speed, vocal warmth, relaxed speech, laughter)
Increased use of online dating:
· In 2022, dating online particularly common among:
- Younger adults (18-29) - 53%
- Non-heterosexual (e.g., gay, lesbian, bisexual) - 51%
· In 2022, 10 million people active in online dating in the UK
· In the US in 2022, 30% said that they did use online dating
Can online dating help find a better match?:
· More appealing as taking out the randomness by using the filters
· Some online dating sites market themselves as having “matching algorithms” that help find a compatible partner, but:
- Don’t reveal their “algorithms”
- Reviewed studies suggest that matching based on self-reported preferences may not work - doesn’t always predict what you are attracted to
· Experts (e.g., Joel et al, 2017) suggest:
- Meet others to find out
- Be the partner you want to be e.g., responsive - focus less on what you want in a partner, and more on being like the person you want to be
Why can online dating be disappointing?:
· May not feel as attracted to others when finding out who they “really” are, as opposed to who we thought they are (Ramirez et al, 2015)
· Open to disapointment - as they image is different to the reality
Interdependence theory
· Social exchange theory applied to intimate relationships (Thibaut and Kelley, 1959)
- Rewards and costs determine satisfaction and commitment (i.e., whether to stay or leave)
- Emphasis on rewards and costs
· Rewards = desirable relationship experiences - good outcomes
· Costs = undesirable relationship experiences - bad outcomes e.g., arguments
Rewards and costs
· Can be tangible/material e.g., making dinner, financial assistance
· Or intangible/social e.g., feeling loved, knowing your partner is dependable, jealousy
· Costs are particularly influential: - applicable to life not just romantic relationships
- Pay more attention to costs, remember costs more than rewards (Baumeister et al, 2001) - pay more attention to the negative
- Roughly 5x greater influence
- “Magic” 5 to 1 ratio (Gottman and Levenson, 1992) - rewards to costs ratio or better
- Predicts relationship satisfaction
· Outcome = rewards - costs
Think of a current or past relationship
- I want our relationship to last for a very long time.
- I feel very attached to our relationship – very strongly linked to my partner.
- I would not feel very upset if our relationship were to end in the near future.
- It is likely that I will date someone other than my partner within the next year.
investment model - commitment
- Satisfaction - how happy are you in this relationship?
- Alternatives - how happy would you be in another relationship? Or alone?
- Investment - what have you put into this relationship that you would lose if the relationship were to end?
investment model
- Satisfaction, investments, and alternatives impacts commitment
Investment - pros and cons
- High investments may enable couples to weather the inevitable stormy times
- But, they can also trap people in unhealthy relationships
- Women with high investments and poor alternatives more likely to return to abusive partners
Why is commitment important?
· Commitment helps to protect and maintain relationships - appear to be keen on marriage:
- Derogate alternatives - e.g., committed individuals rate attractive people as less sexy than single individuals (Lyndon and Karremans, 2015)
- Accommodate - respond more constructively when dissatisfied e.g., bite their tongue during a fight, try to work things out (Rusbult et al, 1991)
- Make sacrifices when conflicts of interest arise (Righetti and Impett, 2017)
What is attachment?
· Attachment - An intimate emotional bond to a particular individual who is seen as providing protection, comfort, and support (e.g., Bowlby, 1969)
