Chp 3 Flashcards
Attending
Focuses on the counselor’s verbal and nonverbal behavior
Observational Skills
Focuses on the client’s verbal and non verbal behavior
Attending Behavior
Essential to an empathic relationship, is defined as supporting your client with individually and culturally appropriate verbal following, visuals, vocal quality, and body language/facial expression
Listening is the core skill of attending behavior and is central to developing a relationship and making real contact with our clients.
3 V’s + B
1) Visual (make eye contact when you speak)
2) Vocal Tone and Qualities (communicate with warmth and interest in your voice)
3) Verbal Tracking (stay with the clients story, track their story, and avoid their topic jumps)
4) Body language/facial expression (be yourself, show interest, face client’s squarely, lean in, smile)
Nonetheless, smiling, listening, and a respectful and understanding vocal tone are things that “fit” virtually all cultures and individuals
Attending behavior and listening are essential for human communication, but we need to be prepared for and expect individual and multicultural differences.
Clients most likely developed their concerns over a longer period. It is critical that you slow down, relax, and attend to client stories and look for themes in their narratives.
Emotional Coregulation
When clients became more emotional during the session, psychotherapists became less so. When counselor emotional arousal increased, client emotional arousal during sessions slowed.
Verbal Underlining
As you consider the way you tell a story, you may find yourself giving louder volume and increased vocal emphasis to certain words and short phrases. Clients do the same. The key words a person underlines via volume and emphasis are often concepts of particular importance. At the same time, expect some important things to be said softly. When talking about critical issues, especially those that are difficult to talk about, expect a lower speech volume. In these cases, it is wise for you to match your vocal tone to the client’s.
When you don’t know what to say next
Relax; you don’t need to introduce a new topic. Ask a question or make a brief comment regarding whatever the client has said in the immediate or near past. Build on the client’s topics, and you will come to know the client very well over time.
Should clients match your language and chosen topic for discussion, or should you, the counselor, learn to match your language and style to that of the client? Most likely, both approaches are relevant, but in the beginning, you want to draw out client stories from their own language perspective, not yours.
Observe the selective attention patterns of both you and your clients. What do your clients focus on? What topics do they seem to avoid? Now ask yourself the same question
The value of redirecting attention
We need to hear that client’s story, but we also need to selectively attend and not pay attention only to the negative. Clients grow from strengths. Redirect the conversation to focus on positive assets when you observe a strength, a wellness habit (running, spirituality, music), or a resource outside the individual who might be helpful.
The usefulness of silence
Sometimes the best support may be simply being with the person and not saying a word. Consider offering a tissue, as even this small gesture shows you care. In general, it’s always good to have a box or two of tissues for clients to take even without asking or being offered. Of course, don’t follow the silence too long, search for a natural break, and attend appropriately.
When you feel uncomfortable in silence
Look at your client with a supportive facial expression. If the client appears comfortable, draw from their body language and join in the silence. If the client seems disquieted by the silence, rely on your attending skills. Ask a question or make a comment about something relevant mentioned earlier in the session.
Many clients can benefit from training and education in listening skills, particularly those who may be moderately depressed or lacking in social skills.
Subtractive Empathy
Counselor responses give back to the client less than what the client stated, and perhaps even distort what has been said. In this case, the listening or influencing skills are used inappropriately
Basic Empathy
Counselor responses are roughly interchangeable with those of the client. The counselor can say back accurately what the client has said. Skilled intentional competence with the basic listening sequence demonstrates empathy
Additive Empathy
Counselor responses that add something beyond what the client has said often are additive. This may be adding a link to something the client has said earlier, or it may be a congruent idea or frame of reference that helps the client see a new perspective. Effective use of the influencing skills of the second half of this book is typically additive. Feedback and your own self-disclosure, used thoughtfully, can be additive.
To do in session: Level 3 Interchangeable Empathic Responding
1) Aim to understand clients’ experience and worldview as they present their story, thoughts, and emotions to you in a nonjudgmental supportive fashion.
2) Seek to communicate that understanding to the client but avoid mixing “your own thing” in with what you say.
15 minute video
- encourager (“okay” “sure”, head nods, telling the client to keep going)
- paraphrase (reflection of content without changing it/holding up a mirror)
- summarization (big picture set of reflection)
- questioning (open and closed questions)
