CHAPTER TEN: ATTRACTION & INTIMACY Flashcards
the need to belong
- a motivation to belong with others in relationships that provide ongoing positive interactions (pain killer)
- the pain of rejection: physical pain
what leads to friendship/attraction?
- proximity
- physical attractiveness
- liking those who like us
- rewards
proximity/familiarity
- interaction = similarities, social unit
- anticipation of interaction
- mere exposure effect: tendency for novel stimuli to be liked after repeated exposure (things become familiar = liking)
physical attractiveness
- men focus on it more
- halo effect: when we find someone attractive, we give them other positive attributes
- the matching phenomenon
- ## the physical attractiveness stereotype
the matching phenomenon
- tendency for men and women to choose partners who are a “good match” to their attractiveness and other traits
the physical attractiveness stereotype
- presumption that physically attractive people possess other socially desirable traits as well
- first impressions
- attractive people are treated better in society
who is attractive?
- evolutionary standpoint: men were attracted based on offspring availability (women with youthful, wide hips); females seeked for a provider (big + strong)
- social comparison
- who we love: we downplay the physical flaws to stay in a “mating” position
similarity vs. complementarity
- likeness brings liking
- dissimilarity breeds dislike
- complementarity: popular tendency in a relationship for each to complete what is missing in the other
liking those who like us
- attribution: fake likeability can only work if the target attributes it to your personality
- self-esteem and attraction: low SE (the sweater is nice); high SE (the sweater is nice on me)
- honesty is a highly valuable trait
relationship rewards
- reward theory of attraction
- social exchange theory
- liking by association: associating attraction based on how rewarding we feel with someone
- influences on attraction: proximity, associating with attractive people, sharing our views (rewarding), mutual
reward theory of attraction
we like those whose behaviour is rewarding to us or who we associate rewarding events with
passionate love
- a state of intense longing for union with another
- two-factor theory of emotion: intense arousal = love
companionate love
- the affection we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply intertwined
secure attachment
attachments rooted in trust and marked by intimacy
avoidance attachment
attachments marked by discomfort over, or resistance to, being close to others
insecure attachment
attachments marked by anxiety or ambivalence
disorganized-disoriented attachment
marked by inconsistent, contradicting behaviours, confusions, dazed behaviours
equity
- a condition where the outcomes people receive from a relationship are proportional to what they contribute to it
- married (happy) people don’t keep track of equity
self-disclosure
- revealing intimate aspect of oneself to others
- disclosure reciprocity effect: tendency for one person’s intimacy of self-disclosure to match that of a conversational partner (overdisclosure = dislikeness)
responding to distress/coping
- constructive: passive (loyalty, waiting it out); active (voicing your feelings/thoughts)
- destructive: passive (neglecting so relationship deteriorates, active (leaving)
people usually stay married if
- married after 20
- both grew up in stable homes
- dated long before marriage
- similarily educated
- enjoy stable income
- from small town/farm
- do not cohabit/become pregnant before marriage
- religious
- same age, faith, education
detachment process
- agitated preoccupation with last partner (who am i without…)
- deep sadness
- emotional detachment
- letting go of the old - focusing on the new (look into the future)
- renewed sense of self (rebuilding of self-concept, who am i NOW)
- stage model but no time limit
- can move backwards
