Ch.12:forming relationships in young and middle adulthood Flashcards
stages of adult friendships
- acquantanceship
- buildup
- continuation
- deterioration
- end
the 3 broad themes that underlie adult friendships
- emotional: self-disclosure, expressions of intimacy, appreciation, affection, and support
- communal nature: participate in or support activities of mutual interest
- compatibility: keep us entertained and are sources of fun
the effect of of social networking sites on frienships
- people who use the internet a lot have more friends on and offline
- trust is important in online friendships
- online is easier than person to person for shy people
what do friendships with our siblings look like in adulthood
-women put more value on them
-adult siblings say that distance doesnt matter
-
adult women’s friendships
- more intimate
- based on shared feelings and confidences
- more vulnerable to demanding friends
adult mens friendships
less intimate and based more on shared activities
cross sex friendships in adulthood
- men with them have lower levels of dating anxiety and have a higher capacity for intimacy
- there may be misperceptions from a third party
- men sometimes overperceive intrest from woman friend, and women underpercieve it
three basic components to love, according to sternberg
- passion: physiological desire
- intimacy: feeling that you can share everything with the other person
- commitment: staying with them through good and bad
what do the three components of love look like in a relationship
-passion is really high at the begining, but it decreases, and as it does intimacy must increase or the relationship will end. commitment is something that takes time and is developed as people work at the relationship
assortative mating
thisis the theory of mating that says that people find another who is similar to themselves, ways that they can be similar include:
- religious beliefs
- physical traits
- age
- socionomic status
- intelligence
- political ideology
homogamy
the similarity in values and interests
important things to know about online dating
- easier for shy people to meet, but outgoing people use it too
- attractiveness is the first thing people look at
- self-described attributes are important
- not everyone is honest
things that influence what a woman finds attravtive
- want someone manly looking for short-term
- want someone feminine looking for long-term
things that men value in women in traditional cultures
- chastity
- desire for home and kids
- good cook and housekeeper
things that women value in men in traditional cultures
- ambition and industry
- good finances
- good status amoung others
differences and similarities b\w men and women, about what they find important in a partner
- men want someone hot
- women want good providers
- both want: love, mutual attraction, dependability, emotional stability, kindness, understanding
factors of cultures that have more secure romantic relationships
- good health care, education and resources
- can choose who you want to be with
forces that affect relationships: biological
- the neurochemicals related to the amphetamines come into play as we fall in love
- high levels of activity in dopamine system when we are falling in love
- morphine-like substances in the long term-commitment phase
- oxytocin is related to attachment and womens orgasms
forces that affect relationships: psychological
relationships that we experience as a kid affect how a person acts in relationships as an adult
forces that affect relationships: sociocultural
society shapes what we want in a mate
forces that affect relationships: life-cycle
what you are looking for also depends on where you are at in life
abusive relationship
when one partner in a relationship becomes violent or aggressive to the other (there is verbal, physical, and severe physical abuse)
battered woman syndrome
when a woman believes that she cant leave her abusive relationship
causes of verbal abuse
- need to control
- missuse of power
- jealousy
- marital discord
causes of physical abuse
- accepting violence as a means of control
- agressive models
- abuse as a child
- agressive person
- alcohol abuse
causes of severe physical abuse
- personality dissorders
- mood swings
- poor self-esteem
abusive relationships are more likely when people:
- hold traditional gender beliefs
- lack communications
- lack anger manaagement
factors of cultures that have more abuse
- portray females as passive, supporters of men
- emphasize female purity, male status, and family honor
- emphasize loyalty, and sacrifice for family
reasons for being single later in life:
- focus on career
- focus on taking care of older family members
- focus on other commitments
- prefer the single life
- havent met the right person
what are the 3 distinct groups of single women
- really hate being single and want to get married and have kids
- emotionally ambivalent
- happy with a healthy self-image and high quality of life
cohabitation, and 3 main reasons this happens
it is when 2 or more unrelated adults are living together
- based on convenience, sharing expenses, and sexually accessability
- “trail”marriage
- “substitute” marriage
when does cohabitation before marriage lead to lower quality marriage
- when they have a kid in that time
- when they use that as a way to test their relationship
regardless of sexual orientation, men are more likely to:
- separate love from sex
- more short-term
- want more power if they earn more money
regardless of sexual orientation, women are more likely to:
- connect sex with emotion
- prefer long-term
- more egalitarian
- view money as a way to maintain independence
what year was gay marriage made legal in canada
2005
marital quality
subjective evaluation of how well the relationship is doing
marital adjustment
degree to which spouses accommodate to each other over a period of time
marital satisfaction
global assessment of ones marriage
some things that PREDICT successful mariage
- maturity at time of marriage
- homogamy
- feeling that relationhsip is equal (exchange theory: relationship is based on each partner providing things that the other person cant easily provide)
other things that CONTRIBUTE to successful marriage
- trust
- consulting each other
- honesty
- making joint decisions
- commitment
- commonly held faith
dependence in relation to happy marriage
-happy marriage is more likely if both are equally dependent, this can change depending on situation
vulnerability-stress-adaption model
this is the process and th result of a couples ability to handle stressfull events in the context of their particular vulnerabilities and resources
things that are important to remember in the early years of marriage
- honest communication about important things
- adjusting to different perceptions and expectations about each other
- optimistic view of spouse, but women have to remember to be realistic
things to expect in marriage
-marital satisfaction declines with time (and with children)
-time apart effects the marriage, it can be good or bad depending on what they expect to happen
-
what keeps marriages happy
- be flexible and adaptable
- find ways to be romantic
- make time for love
- express love
- be there for them always
- communicate constructively and positively about problems
- be interested in their life
- confide in them
- forgive minor offences and try to understand big ones
nuclear family
parents and children
extended family
when grandparents and other relatives live with the nuclear family
benifits of having kids
- affection
- improved family ties
- feeling of immortality
- sense of accomplishment
benifits of remaining childless
- higher marital satisfaction
- freedom
- higher standard of living
how do couples decide whether or not to have kids
-they dont ususally weigh the pros and cons, when they are ready they make the decision pretty easily
what does the parental role do
represents chance and adjustment
- pust stress on relationship
- requires time and effort
what is different when people have kids in their 30s
- more at ease with being parents
- spend more time with kids
- more affectionate and sensitive to kids
what is different with dads who wait to have kids
- theyare more invested
- spend more time on child care
- more likely to feel ambivalent and resentful about time away from jobs
traditional aboriginal belief about parenting
extended kinships contribute to parenting
-momentary struggles with kids will work out and are temporary
what is more common among parents of biracial children
- feel more discrimination
- worry that kids may be rejected from both backgrounds
- provide more economic and cultural resources to their kids
challenges of single parents
- financial issues
- balance of work and home
- loneliness
- guilt and overindulgence
- try to be friends with their kids
- inconsistent discipline
- date other people
stepparents may have bonding issues if:
- child is resistant and tries to stick with biological parent
- continues visitation of non-custodial parent causes stress
adoptive parent have problems if the kid is:
adopted at an older age
- looks for birth parents and the adoptive parents think that this means rejection
- the kid has different cultural background the parents may have trouble with trying to connect the kid to that
differences of foster parents
- usually temporary custody
- have to tolerate a lot of ambiguity in relationships with foster kids
- may be unable to form an attachment, and if they do it may be broken
kids of lgbt parents are similar to kids of sis parents in terms of:
- behavioural adjustment
- cognitive development
- school behaviours
- delinquent behaviour
- drug use
- psychological health
- sexual orientation and identity
kids of lgbt parents show less:
- homophobia
- fear of negative evaluation
differences in gay men as parents:
- more concerned about being good nurturing fathers
- try to raise their kids with nonsexist, egalitarian attitudes
who gets divorced
- about 41%of canadians
- wife is more likely to innitiate it
- they usually blame each other when this happens
common reasons for divorce
- infidelity
- incompatibility
- drinking or drug use
- growing apart
- poor conflict resolution
- lack of positive emotions in discussion of events and during conflict
effects that divorce has of a couple
- feel dissapointed, misunderstood, or rejected
- feelings of failure
- hardest when the individual remains preoccupied with the ex
- financial difficulties
effects of divorce on women in middle age or later
- if they initiated it they may have slef-focused growth and optimism
- if they didnt they may have ruminition and feelings of vulnerability
- there may be difficult chanes in their social networks
- dont often remarry
what happens to the custodial parent after divorce
- suffer financially
- becomes really stressed
what happens to the non-custodial parent after divorce
-usually has difficulty remaining active in the kid’s life
what is a collaboriative divorce
it is a voluntary contractually based alternative dispute resolution process for couples who want to negotiate a resolution to their situation rather than having a ruling imposed upon them by a court or something (so basically they come to an agreement about what will happen, and a court doesnt need to get involved)
benefits of collaborative divorce
- less conflict
- more father involvement
- better outcomes for kids
what happens when a young adult’s parents divorce
- the have poorer relationships with their parents
- have more negative view of intimate relationships
what is likely with remarriage
- divorce is slightly more likely
- there are few norms or guidelines about how to deal with step families
- women benefit financially if they have kids
what do friendships look like in young and middle adulthood
- they are predominantly based on feelings
- grounded in reciprocity and choice
- less emotional than romantic relationships, and less sex haha
