Attraction, Love and Communication Flashcards
Attraction:
Immediate and positive emotional and/or behavioural response to someone
components of attraction (2).
- affective (emotional)
“I like this person” - behavioural
“I would like to meet this person”, “I want to approach this person”
Sexual Selection theory
Evolution of adaptive traits to increase reproductive advantage -> Suggests our mating behaviour in humans reflects our evolved traits that have been selected for
not for survival – for MATING
Parental Investment Theory
Women have greater minimal obligatory investment when having children
Sexual Strategies Theory
Men and women face different adaptive problems in reproduction
MEN:
- Determining which women are able to reproduce
- Minimize commitment, shorter term relationship, more likely to practice extramarital sex
- Need to spread seed everywhere
WOMEN:
- Committed partner, invest resources, identify men who can care for children
- Financial status, ability and willingness to provide assistance
MOST IMPORTANT QUALITIES FOR ATTRACTIVENESS:
- agreeableness
- physical attractiveness
- status
facial symmetry theories
- indicator of genetic fitness (indicator of genetic superiority)
- perceptual bias (symmetrical things = easier to process)
Facial Sexual Dimorphism
Theory: preference for traits that best exhibit sexual maturation and reproductive fitness
Women – big eyes, small nose, small chin, full lips and prominent cheekbones, narrow cheeks, broad smile
Men – strong jaws and broad foreheads, slightly more feminized and baby faced men are more attractive too
- When asked to rate faces, people rate computer averaged faces as more attractive than others
- Why?
evolutionary theory -> abnormal = genetic mutations
Canadian teenagers
69% of girls would like to lose weight and 54% of boys would like to gain weight
Dutton & Aron (1974) study effect
misattribution of arousal
Swami et al. (2010) study
Three conditions:(1) positive personality; (2)
negative personality; (3) no information -> male Ps judging female Ps
- When given positive information = more accepting of physical appearance
Germine et al. (2015)
- Twin study
- Compared identical/fraternal on facial attractiveness ratings
FINDINGS: genetically identical twins were not closer in ratings suggesting perceptions of physical attractiveness are not due to genes (nature), but rather the environment (nurture) -> Personality preferences, own characteristics, SES environment, learning
characteristics of companionate love
Intelligence, kindness, understanding
sexual partner important attributes
W: attractive, healthy, attentive
M: attractive, healthy, personality
marriage partner important attributes
W: trustworthy, sensitive, personality
M: personality,trustyworthy, attractive
Propinquity effect
our tendency to like people whose paths cross more often with our own (Expanded by online dating increasing opportunity for attraction)
Mere-exposure
- the more we are exposed to something, the more we are attracted to them
- EXCEPTIONS: negative first impression
Assortative Mating
the tendency to choose a partner who is similar to oneself on one or more characteristics
Homophily
tendency to have contact with people equal in social status
- greatest = race/ethnicity, followed by education and age.
homogamy
when someone marries someone with whom they share important characteristics
the most consistent similarity for people in relationships
Ethnicity -> 34% say they prefer same ethnic group, 93% relationships = same ethnic group
mixed unions
at least one person in visible minority group together
Matching phenomenon
We tend to choose partners who match us in quality
- Balance in rewards and costs
- “mate value”
- Self-esteem plays a role
- Physical attraction: higher SES and education
Reciprocal liking
We like those who like us and we dislike those who dislike us
strongest predictor of sexual satisfaction
—Open communication and connection in INTIMACY
Differentiates romantic FROM PLATONIC
PASSION
emotional component
intimacy
stable or increases
motivational component
passion
decrease over time as familiarity and commitment increases
cognitive component
Decision or commitment ( 2 aspects) :
- short (decision one loves the other)
- long (commitment to maintain relationship )
evidence for sternberg
cross-cultural study confirmed cultural universality of theory
Love as a Story
sternberg
Contains characters, a plot, and a theme
People tend to be unhappy and leave relationships when their relationship does not match the story they have in their head
Predictors of Long Term Relationship Satisfaction
💡 Many fall under domain of communication
- Feeling loved/appreciated
- Emotional closeness
- Intimacy and sharing
- Sexual satisfaction (quantity, type, context, etc.)
- Self-disclosure
- Related to intimacy
- Ability to resolve conflict
- Skilled communication (relationship/sex)
- Mindfulness (being present, identifying and
communicating emotions)
stable communication
5x as many + as - interactions
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (Gottman)
- Criticism
- Attacking partner’s character
- Contempt
- Disgust/anger
- Intentional insults
- Defensiveness
- Denying responsibility, making complaints
- Stonewalling
- Withdrawal or silence
Factors in growth of online dating:
- Growing proportion of population = single
- career & time = more efficient ways of looking
- single people are highly mobile
- workplace romance is less acceptable
Advantages and Disadvantages of Online Dating
- forces you to focus on person’s interests and values
- deception = less chance of a second date /:
- modern dating has introduced a “rejection mindset” where people are less satisfied with any given person they meet through online dating
The basis of romance
testosterone, dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin
3 classes of influence on relationship success:
- personal characteristics
- individual change
- uncontrollable external events (unemployment, infertility, chronic illness, etc.)
Reinforcement theory
- we like people who are nice to us and dislike people who are mean to us
- people prefer to interact with people who are similar because it is rewarding
Rebuffed
shot down
3 Factors in Maintaining Relationships:
- relationship satisfaction
- quality of alternative
- investment
Attachment Theory of Love
2 dimensions: anxiety and avoidance
- based on our perceptions of ourselves and on our expectations of how others will respond to us
Secure attachment
have a sense of their own lovability and the expectation that other people are generally accepting and responsive
Preoccupied
sense of their own unlovability but a positive evaluation of other people.
Try to achieve self-acceptance by gaining the acceptance of people they value.
most commonly jealous
Fearful
have a negative expectation of both themselves and other people.
- tend to avoid relationships
Dismissing
- feel themselves to be worthy of love but have negative views of other people.
- These people may protect themselves against disappointment by avoiding close relationships and maintaining a sense of independence
2 types of jealousy
(can occur together or separate):
- Emotional
- when one person believes or knows that the partner is emotionally attached to or in love with another
- Sexual
- when the person believes or knows that the partner wants to engage in or has engaged in sexual intimacy with another
Situations activating jealousy:
- occurs when there is a threat to self-esteem
- threat to relationship
Stages of jealousy:
- cognitive
- we make an initial appraisal of the situation and find that there is a threat to our self-esteem or to the relationship
- emotional reaction
- rapid stress response, the “jealous flash (physiological component)
- reappraisal stage, we may shift from seeing the situation as a threat to seeing it as a challenge
- feelings of moodiness
4 aspects of romantic scripts:
- connection
- passion
- destiny
- instant
Passionate love (3 components)
💡 state of intense longing for union with another person and of intense physiological arousal
- overwhelming, obsessive, and all consuming
3 components:
1. cognitive
- preoccupation and idealization
2. emotional
- physiological arousal, sexual attraction, desire
3. behavioural
- physical closeness, taking care of the other
Two-Component Theory of Love
passionate love occurs when two conditions exist simultaneously:
- the person is in a state of intense physiological arousal
- the situation is such that the person applies a particular label—love—to the sensations being experienced
myotonia
muscular tension
4 destructive patterns of interaction:
- criticism
- contempt
- intentionally insulting or orally abusing
- defensiveness
- withdrawal
Magic ratio
5x positive than negative (verbal and nonverbal)
