8 - Disagreement and Conflict Flashcards
Define: Conflict
- Disagreement between two interdependent people who feel they have incompatible goals
- Positively associated with relational closeness and interdependence
Define: Types of conflict
Functional:
- Helps us learn
- Increases our understanding of one another
- Helps strengthen our relationships when resolved
- Develops cohesiveness and understanding
Dysfunctional:
- Personal pain, emotional strain and resentment
- Threats, deception, force and violence
- Escalates; destructive and damage
Examples: Common issues of conflict
- Possessions
- Curfews
- Household chores
- Privacy
- Sex
- Children
Define: Frequency of conflict
- Some conflict is healthy
- Most couples = 1 and 3 mild conflicts a week, 1 or 2 serious per month
- Frequent conflict suggests unresolved issues
Define: Effects of conflicts
- High marital conflict = more divorce
Harms children
- Spillover = dysfunctional parenting styles
- Socialisation = children adopt conflict styles of parents
Define: Conflict styles
4 main
- Co-operative = both parters goals in consideration
- Uncooperative = one persons goals
- Direct = engaging and talking about issues
- Indirect = avoidance
Define: Conflict styles
6 subtypes
- Competitive fighting
- Compromising
- Collaborating
- Indirect fighting
- Avoiding
- Yielding
Define: Conflict styles
Competitive fighting
- Direct and uncooperative
- Competing to win
- Win-lose situation
Eg. Criticisms, blaming, threats
Define: Conflict styles
Compromising
- Moderately co-operative and direct
- Part win, part lose
- Quality of compromise depends on mutually acceptable outcome
Eg. taking middle ground, alternating and splitting difference
Define: Conflict styles
Collaborating
- Cooperative and direct
- Focus on creative problem solving
- Win-win
Eg. staying on topic, listening, support
Define: Conflict styles
Indirect fighting
- Indirect and uncooperative
- Passive-aggressive
- Focus on bashing partner
Eg. silent treatment, dirty looks, sarcasm and rolling eyes
Define: Conflict styles
Avoiding
- Neither cooperative or uncooperative; indirect
- Lose-lose if unresolved
- Can be beneficial
Eg. denying conflict, avoiding topic and being evasive
Define: Conflict styles
Yielding
- Cooperative and indirect
- Lose-win
- Problematic if same person always loses (CHILLING EFFECT)
- Beneficial if conflict is more important to one person
Eg. giving in, smoothing differences and passive acceptance of alternatives
Define: Patterns of conflict interaction
- Negative reciprocity
- Demand-withdraw
- The four horsemen of the apocalypse
- Accommodation
Define: Negative reciprocity
- Aggression brings aggression
- Overestimation and negativity
- Gunny-sacking (keeping old grievances and throwing when arguing)
- Kitchen sinking (re-hashing old arguments during new arguments)
- Bringing other people into the conflict
Define: Demand-withdraw
- One person wants to engage in the conflict and the other wants to withdraw
- Competitive or indirect fighting
Define: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
- Complaints and criticisms
- Defensiveness
- Contempt and disgust
- Stonewalling
Define: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Complaints and criticisms
- About behaviour
- About personal characteristics/appearance
- About performance
- Meta-complaints = about something as a whole eg. cooking
Define: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Defensiveness
- Denying responsibilities
- Issuing counter complaints
- Whining
- Making accusations
- Mind reading
Define: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Contempt and disgust
Disgust = fed up, repulsed
Contempt = insult, mockery, put downs, hostility and coldness
Define: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Stonewalling
- Withdrawing from argument
- Unwilling to continue
- Defence mechanism
Define: Acommodation
- Retaliation usually meets destructive behaviour
- Occurs when people overcome destruction and are more cooperative
- Satisfied couples usually engage in accommodation
