7 - Receiving empathically Flashcards
Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are ____________
Experiencing
“The hearing that is only in the ears is one thing. The hearing of the understanding is another. But the hearing of the spirit is not limited to any one faculty, to the ear, or to the mind. Hence it demands __________ of all __________ . And when the faculties are empty, then the whole being listens. There is then a direct grasp of what is right there before you that can never be heard with the ear or understood with the mind.”
Emptiness; faculties
Empathy: emptying our mind and listening with our _________ __________.
Whole being
Empathy with others occurs only when we have successfully shed all preconceived ___________ and ___________ about them.
ideas and judgements
There is a Buddhist saying: “Don’t just do something, ___________ _________”
Stand there
__________ before offering advice or reassurance.
Ask
I received a lesson from my daughter that taught me to check whether advice or reassurance is wanted before offering any. She was looking in the mirror one day and said, “I’m as ugly as a pig.”
“You’re the most gorgeous creature God ever put on the face of the earth,” I declared. She shot me a look of exasperation, exclaimed, “Oh, Daddy!” and slammed the door as she left the room. I later found out that she had wanted some empathy. Instead of my ill-timed reassurance, I could have asked…
“Are you feeling disappointed with your appearance today? Would you like some reassurance?”
Listen to what people are ____________ rather than what they are thinking.
Needing
NVC suggests that our paraphrasing take the form of questions that reveal our ______________ while eliciting any necessary _____________ from the speaker.
Understanding; corrections
Empathy questions should try and uncover which components of NVC?
What others are observing, feeling, needs, and requests
All criticism, attack, insults, and judgments vanish when we focus attention on hearing the ____________ and ____________ behind a message.
Feelings and needs
When we receive messages with an understanding that there are unmet needs behind them, we can take on much more difficult messages and realize there is an _____________ to enrich someone’s life.
Opportunity
- During the workshop, his wife said to him,
- “You never listen to me.”
- “I do too,” he replied.
- “No, you don’t,” she countered.
- I addressed the husband: “I’m afraid you just proved her point. You didn’t respond in a way that lets her know that you were listening to her.”
- He was puzzled by the point I was making, so I asked for permission to play his role—which he gladly gave since he wasn’t having too much success with it. His wife and I then had the following exchange:
- Wife: “You never listen to me.”
- MBR in role of husband: “It sounds like you’re terribly frustrated because you would like to feel more connection when we speak.”
- The wife was moved to tears when she finally received this confirmation that she had been understood. I turned to the husband and explained, “I believe this is what she is telling you she needs—a reflection of her feelings and needs as a confirmation that she’d been heard.”
- The husband seemed dumbfounded. “Is that all she wanted?” he asked, incredulous that such a simple act could have had such a strong impact on his wife.
It is a poignant experience to receive concrete evidence that someone is _____________ connected to us.
Empathically
When listening and we gloss over __________ and ____________, and we try to get to what people are requesting, they might get the impression we don’t really _________.
Feelings and needs; care
