Week 9: Attraction Flashcards
What is one ingredient that leads to attraction?
Proximity
The more we see and interact with people, the more likely they are to become our friends and lovers
Proximity (Propinquity effect)
“Functional Distance”
Allows for more interaction and friendships
Proximity leads to attraction because of the mere
exposure effect
What is a second ingredient that leads to attraction?
similarity
We are attracted to people who are like us
Why does similarity lead to liking?
We assume others with similar attitudes will like us –> Initiate freindship
Social validation –> suggests we are right
We feel we are better understood
Assume we will enjoy interacting with someone with similar beliefs.
What is self expansion?
increase in potential efficacy
What is one mechanism of self-expansion motive?
engaging in novel and arousing activities
ex. after skydiving, one acquires this experience and the sense of adventure.
What does “inclusion of other in the self” mean?
Cognitive overlap between self and other
“feeling” as if the other’s resources, perspectives, and identities are one’s own.
Ex. Basking in reflected glory
Ex. Finishing each others sentences.
What is the third ingredient that leads to attraction?
reciprocal liking
reciprocal liking may lead to attraction only when people have high self esteem. Why?
those with low self-esteem doubt that other person likes them
What is the fourth ingredient that leads to attraction?
physical attraction.
Generally, concepts of beauty are
shared
In women, big eyes show baby like qualities and prompt..
feelings of nurturance
In men, promimentn cheek bone and chin are a sign of
sexual maturity.
Beauty standards are similar in most cultures. There is a high agreement of attractiveness world-wide
Why?
certain qualities noted as attractive over course of evolution
Preference for averaged face over single face
what is the matching hypothesis?
The tendency for peopel to pair up with others who are equally physically attractive
- Predicts relationship satisfaction and longevity
What is complex matching?
When people are able to attract partners more physically attractive than themselves by offering compensatory assets (e.g. money)
A traditional type of pairing is gender-linked: Old wealthy man –> young attractive woman
What is beautiful is good stereotype:
the assumption that physically attractive people are superior to others on many traits.
One theory suggests there are two types of love (Bersheifl and Hatfield)
Companionate love
Passionate love
What is companionate love?
intimacy and affection for another person we care deeply about
What is passionate love?
intense longing and physiological arousal for another person
What is the triangular theory of love?
intimacy, passion, commitment
In relation to the triangular theory of love, what is intimacy (liking)?
when you feel a bond toward another without feeling intense passion of long-term commitment (close friendship)
In relation to triangular theory of love, what is passion (infactuation)?
passionate arousal without intimacy or commitment (eg. one night stand)
In relation to triangular theory of love, what is commitment (empty love)?
commitment wihtout intimacy or passion (e.g arranged marriage)
The 3 ingredients to love can be combined to form more complex forms of love. True or false.
TRUE
Intimacy + Passion =
Romantic love
Intimacy + Commitment =
Companionate love
Passion + Commitment =
Fatuous love
Intimacy + Passion + Commitment =
consummate love
Men are _____ likely to endorse love at first sight
more
Men report falling in love ______
faster
Women endorse more practical, friendship based views of love
TRUE
Men and women both rate companionate and passionate love highly- men are _____ lkely to endorse romantic love
more
What is evolutionary theory?
suggests love and attraction is driven by goal of passion on genes
In social exchange theory: feelings about one’s relationship depends on
cost/reward of current relationship –> reward/cost ratio
Feelins of what one feels they deserve –> comaprison level
whether they could have a better relationship elsewhere –> comparison level for alternatives.
We need to consider level of _________
investment
Investments can include tangibles, or intangibles
tangibles –> money house possessions
Intengibles –> emotions, time
greater investment –> less likely to leave
what is equity theory?
People are happiest with relationships where the reward/cost ratio is similar for both people involved.
Feel uneasy when over-or-under benefitted.
In relation to equity theory, what are exchange relationships?
repay is immediate
feel exploitd when contributions are not returned
keep track of who contributes what
helping other has little effect on mood
In relation to equity theory, what are communal relationships?
Dont like to be repaid immedietly
Dont feel exploited when contributions are not returned
dont keep track of who contributes what
Helping others makes up happy
What are positive illusions?
idealizations of our romantic partner in order to maintain the relationship
The more we idealize our partners, the _______ we are and the longer our relationships last
happier
Partners also begin to “live up” to the positive illusions
Positive illusions create a __________ __________ prophesy
Self-fulfilling
Over time people come to see themselves as their partners see them
WHY RELATIONSHIPS END:
What are the 4 horsemen (negative communication styles)
Criticism
Defensiveness
stonewalling
contempt
In relation to negative communication styles, what is criticism
Attack of partners character
ex. you’re such a slob you never clean up after yourself
Antidote: talk about your feelings using “I” statements
In relation to negative communication styles, what is defensiveness?
cross complaining: seeing self as the victim
ex. yes, but you…
Really just a way to blame your partner and the problem isnt solved
Antidote: accept responsibility
In relation to negative communication styles, what is stonewalling?
withdrawing, cutting off communication –> cold rejection of partner
one person shuts down and closes himself/herself off from the other
Antidote: actively communicate with your partner.
In relation to negative communication styles, what is contempt?
treating partner with disrespect
ex. mocking with sarcasm, name calling, eye rolling
conveys disgust
number 1 predictor of divorce
Antidote: always treat your partner with respect.
It’s okay to have negative emotions/interactions, BUT
need 5:1 ratio of good : bad
People mistakenly infer what is causing them to feel the way they do
Misattirubtion of arousal revisited.
What is the commitment calibration hypothesis?
The impact of adversity on a relationship dpends on commitment to relationship
