Thinking About Our Relationships Flashcards
Ideas/Theories
Values
Lay theories
What relationships are like
What we want or what we think relationships should be like
Informal beliefs of ppl who don’t study relationships for a living
- Based on personal exps and observations
Destiny vs Growth beliefs
Destiny:
- Based on compatibility
- Potential partners either destined to get along or not
- Relationships that don’t start off well will fail
Growth:
- Ideal relationship develops over time (esp thru challenges and learning to resolve them)
- Successful relationship depends on hard work and resolution of incompatibilities
Study: Dows belief in romantic destiny strengthen the link between relationship satisfaction and longevity? (Knee)
- Longitudinal study on college students
- T1 - Indicate extend they think relationship success is due to hard work vs destiny
- T2 - 4 months later, whether relationship ended
High destiny w/ low initial satisfaction lead to lowest longevity (initial satisfaction strong predictor)
- But high initial satisfaction led to highest longevity
Those with growth belief had no assoc w/ initial satisfaction
Ideal standards model
Discrepancy between partner ideal and perception/belief of how partner is determines relationship satisfaction
- Greater discrepancy = Lower satisfaction
Cognitive maintenance processes
- Cognitive interdependence
- Motivated reasoning
Enhancement bias
Accuracy motive
Justification motive
Based on changing expectations to sustain relationships
- Merging of the self and other
- Also involves motivated reasoning (enhancing positives, interpret partner accurately, justification of partner’s behavs)
Ppl want to believe their relationship is and will continue to be successful
- Belief of more positive qualities and fewer negative qualities than other relationships
Ppl want to understand and know their partner (and be understood and known in return)
Ppl want to feel like they’re moral/reasonable/right
- Think of partner more positively in satisfying relationship to justify why they’re there
- Ppl planning to leave partner will focus on negative aspects to justify why they’re leaving
Michelangelo phenomenon
- Partner perception affirmation
- Partner behavioural affirmation
Positive feedback loop that helps partner achieve their ideal self
Perception - Seeing partner as consistent w/ their ideal self
Behavioural - Behaving in ways that elicit ideal-congruent behavs in partner
Selective attention (for controlling our perception of our CLalts)
Study: Derogation of attractive alts (Miller and Maner)
- Undergraduate men w/ female confederate (not taking HCs and avg attractiveness)
- Interacted on various days of 3 diff menstrual cycles
Less likely to notice romantic alternatives
- Single men increased attractiveness ratings during fertility
- Taken men reduced attractiveness during fertility
Fertility cues evoke relationship maintenance processes in committed men
Accommodation
Forgiveness
Willingness to control the impulse to respond in kind to a partner’s occasional provocations/destructive acts and to instead respond constructively
When harmful conduct is acknowledged and harmed partner extends undeserving mercy
- Requires apology, empathy, and no brooding
Types of commitment:
Affective
Constraint
Practical
Want to continue (attracted, satisfied)
Have to continue (costly to leave)
Ought to continue (improper to end relationship)
Study: Cohabitation and commitment (Rhoades et al)
- Wanted to look at diffs in marital satisfaction and divorce rates
- Cohabiting before, after engagement or not until marriage
Cohabited before getting engaged lowest satisfaction, confidence, higher negative communication, greater potential for dicorce
- Best after engagement (but divorce rates lowest w/ marriage)
Cohabitation increases commitments which can cause sliding into marriage (since you cohabited, it just makes sense to get married w/out proper analysis)
- Causes marriage for the wrong reasons
