Managing Differences Flashcards
Opposing motivations:
- Autonomy vs togetherness
- Openness vs privacy
- Stability vs novelty
- Social life vs partnershi
Study: What topics do couples fight about? (Papp et al)
- Is money most frequent conflict? Are these more problematic than other issues?
- 15-day daily diary w/ 100 married couples
- Logged conflicts (length, new/recurrent, importance, topic, angry/depressive/positive behavs)
Common topics:
- Children
- Chores
- Communication
- Leisure
- Money/Work
Money conflicts not most frequent but more intense + significant than others
What instigates conflicts:
- Criticism
- Illegitimate demands
- Rebuffs
- Cumulative annoyances
Communication of dissatisfaction
Requests that exceed expected demands
Refusal/failure to fulfil request
Trivial events that become irritating w/ repetition
Courses of conflict:
Beginning - Avoid vs Engage
Middle - Negotiate vs Escalate
End - Structural improvements/agreements/compromises vs Domination/Separation
Attributional conflict
Attributing conflict to external vs internal cause
Fighting over whose explanation is right and whose is wrong about why someone behaved the way they did
- We tend to think that other’s behav is self-serving bcuz we’re inaccurate about what their motivation is
External - Feel that conflict can be resolved, less anger
Internal - Feel that the problem is unsolvable, more anger
Study: Attachment and experiences of conflict (Collins et al)
- Questionnaire on background (self-esteem, attachment style)
- Read short vignettes of hypothetical negative partner behavs
- Rated emotional distress and determined if explanation is relationship enhancing vs threatening
- Participants w/ high anxiety: Most distressed, more relationship threatening attributions
Anxious individuals feel more distressed during conflict
- Make more negative attributions for partner’s behav
4 conflict response styles:
Volatile
Validating
Avoidant
Hostile
Volatile:
- Frequent/Passionate arguments
- High negative affect
- Evident fondness for partner
Validating: MOST SATISFIED
- Calmer arguments
- Collaborate on solving problems
- Expressions of empathy/understanding
Avoidant:
- Rarely argye
- Discuss conflicts mildly/gingerly
- Try to fix problems solo or wait them out
Hostile: LEAST SATISFIED
- Arguments are harmful
- Higher ratio of negative:positive comments
- Contempt, defensiveness, withdrawal
Demand/Withdraw pattern
One is demanding, other withdraws
- Self-perpetuating, over time
- Women more demanders, men more withdrawers
Social power
Ability to influence behav of others + resist their influence on us
- Men interrupt more (more power)
- Used to getting own way, feel more in control, worse at perspective taking, higher perception of own mate value, judge others’ moral transgressions more harshly than own
Study: Gender and influence in relationships (Falbo and Peplau)
- Generate model of power strats + identify assocs between use of strats and gender/sexual orientation
- Described how they get partner to do what they want, then rated balance of power and satisfaction
- Direct (explicitly ask) vs Indirect (hinting) asking
- Bilateral interaction (involves cooperation w/ partner) vs Unilateral (independent action)
- Directness assoc w/ satisfaction
- Heterosexual: Men use direct/bilateral, women use indirect/unilateral
- No diffs between lesbians and gays
Situational couple violence
Intimate terrorism (IT)
Situational couple violence:
- Comes from heated conflict that gets out of hand
- Both partners angry + aggressive
Intimate terrorism (IT):
- One partner uses violence to control and oppress other
- Carried out by men more
- Rooted in more enduring factors than situations (personality, social learning, trauma)
Study: Fates of battered women (Campbell et al)
- Followed battered women over 2.5 years
43% left original partners (mainly unattached or in new nonabusive relationships)
33% still in abusive relationship (most as victims, but some as both victim/perpetrator)
- Likely bcuz of misunderstanding negative aspects as caring, high cost to leave, don’t think they’ll be happier
23% remained w/ partners but ended violence for at least a year
Study: Predictors of non-marital relationships (Le et al)
- Meta analysis of longitudinal studies on non-marital relationship stability/dissolution
- Most participants hetero, white, female
- Strongest predictors: Positive illusions, commitment, love, inclusion of other in self, deoendence
- More of relationship factors than individual factors
Ppl break up primarily bcuz they don’t want to be together anymore, not bcuz one/both parties is damaged/undateable
Study: Non-marital break up strategies
- College students’ accounts of breakups
- Varied on: Direct vs Indirect, Self- vs Other-oriented; Rapid vs Protracted
Most common pattern:
- Persevering indirectness (Protracted + Indirect)
Study: Attachment and non-marital breakup strategies
- Update list of breakup strategies, assess outcomes of strats, determine assocs w/ attachment dimensions
- Indirect vs Direct strats
- Insecure vs Secure attachment
Indirect - More negative outcomes (avoidance/withdrawal, distant/mediated communication)
Direct - Less negative outcomes (Open confrontation)
Insecure - More indirect strats (Avoidance/withdrawal, manipulation, distant/mediated communication)
Secure - More styles focused on own needs, more direct and self-focused strats (positive tone/self-blame, de-escalation)
