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Drama > The Problem Show (Art) > Flashcards

The Problem Show (Art) Flashcards

1
Q

(The play begins)

A

ART: The thing is, Jim…oh, may I call you Jim? I know it’s James, but I like to feel that we’re… (Gesturing with his hands to make his point) Do you know what I mean?

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2
Q

JAMES: Yeah, yeah.

A

ART: It just makes it more… I don’t know…real.

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3
Q

JAMES: Sure.

A

ART: Especially in a little one-on-one like this.

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4
Q

JAMES: Yeah, no problem.

A

ART: I’m so glad. I’m Arthur, of course, but…to you, Jim…I am Art.

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5
Q

JAMES: Yeah, all right, Art - so what’s the problem?

A

ART: Don’t you just hate that word…problem?

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6
Q

JAMES: No, not really.

A

ART: No? Oh, I do - loathe it. Anyway…the reason I wanted to have this little chat with you, Jim, is because…well, first off, let me say this has absolutely nothing to do with your performance this evening.

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7
Q

JAMES: Okay.

A

ART: Nothing. Zero. Zip.

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8
Q

JAMES: Well…that’s good.

A

ART: Because what you have to offer is nothing short of…sensational.

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9
Q

JAMES: Really?

A

ART: Oh, yes. I would describe you as a major talent.

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10
Q

JAMES: Really? (Second time)

A

ART: Quite remarkable.

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11
Q

JAMES: Wow!

A

ART: Don’t sound so surprised. Surely you’re aware of the extraordinary gifts you possess?

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12
Q

JAMES: Well, I.. you know…I suppose we all like to think we have…
something.

A

ART: I’m more inclined to think that you, Jim, have everything.. and more besides.

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13
Q

JAMES: Whoa! That’s amazing. Can you really tell…I mean… just from what you’ve seen tonight?

A

ART: I have been in this business for many years, Jim. Many, many years. I’ve seen it all. But rarely do I ever come across…whatever it is that you have.

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14
Q

JAMES: I’m…I don’t know what to say. I’m humbled.

A

ART: Be humbled, Jim. But not by my words - by your own brilliance.

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15
Q

JAMES: And you could see all that…here tonight.

A

ART: Oh, yes. I was watching you very carefully. You specifically.

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16
Q

JAMES: Wow. Good job I didn’t know or I’d have probably been, you know…
thrown off.

A

ART: Yes. Which rather brings me to the main reason for this little tête-à-tête.

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17
Q

JAMES: Okay.

A

ART: You see, it would be remiss of me, regardless of your bountiful talents, if1 didn’t point out… (Sighs heavily) Oh, how do I put this without sounding harsh? (Beat) Areas for improvement?

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18
Q

JAMES: Well, yeah, of course. I mean, you’re the director.

A

ART: Yes. Yes, I am, Jim. The success or failure of the entire production rests on my shoulders alone. It is an immense responsibility that would crush a lesser man. And I do not take it lightly. And for that reason alone, I am forced to return to that most vile of all words…problem.

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19
Q

JAMES: Well, if it’s not right, you know…you gotta let me know.

A

ART: Yes. Yes, I must. (Suddenly stands and clasps his head in his hands) God, I hate my job sometimes!

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20
Q

JAMES: No, no, it’s okay, really. I… I don’t mind.

A

ART: But I mind, Jim. I mind. It all just seems so ridiculous. All this finding fault and criticizing, when all you really want to do is enjoy everything your eyes are bearing witness to…to be swept away in its rapture.

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21
Q

JAMES: Not if there’s a fault, no.

A

ART: Oh, this mad, insane profession! Why did I allow it to seduce me?

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22
Q

JAMES: I expect…because you love it, Art.

A

ART: Yes. (Beat) Yes, I suspect you’re right, Jim. It may have taken me by force, but..ever since, I’ve been yielding to its every whim.

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23
Q

JAMES: Yeah, well, so um.. what’s the problem?

A

ART: Ah, yes, the, um…problem. Yes, well…uh…perhaps this would be a good time to bring in Stephanie.

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24
Q

JAMES: Stephanie?

A

ART: Yes. You don’t mind, do you?

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25
Q

JAMES: Uh..no, no.

A

ART: (Calling off) Stephanie! Stephanie, dear! I’m ready for you now!

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26
Q

(STEPHANIE enters from stage R. looking nervous and confused.)

A

ART: There she is! What an angel- and pretty as a picture. Sit down here, my love, next to me.

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27
Q

(STEPHANIE sits in the empty chair between ART and JAMES.
STEPHANIE and IAMES nod and smile at each other.)

A

ART: Stephanie, can I first tell you that you were magnificent out there tonight. Dare I use the word.. dynamite?

28
Q

STEPHANIE: Oh. well, thank you. Thanks very much.

A

ART: I had my eye on you, too, you see? Eyes like a hawk, even with contacts.

29
Q

STEPHANIE: Well, it’s…nice to be noticed… amongst all the rest.

A

ART: Steph, Steph, who could not notice you? You were like a beacon out there. Sailors could sail their ships by that luminous face alone.

30
Q

STEPHANIE: Ohh…what a lovely thing to say.

A

ART: What a lovely gift to have.

31
Q

STEPHANIE: Well, I…I do my best.

A

ART: Yes. I know you do. (Tentatively) But…

32
Q

STEPHANIE: But?

A

ART: Well…oh, this is so difficult. Sometimes, as I was telling young Jin here.. sometimes your “best” needs… (Wincing) A little more.

33
Q

STEPHANIE: More?

JAMES: You want more?

A

ART: (Affecting a cringing expression) Hate me. Hate me now, please. Get it over with.

34
Q

STEPHANIE: I don’t hate you.

JAMES: No, I don’t either. Just tell us what you want us to do.

A

ART: May I? May I really?

35
Q

JAMES: Of course.

STEPHANIE: Yeah, don’t be silly, just let me know.

A

ART: Oh, bless you both. However did I end up with two such big-hearted, powerhouse superstars in my theatre? (In an abrupt change of tone) Right, Jim, let’s start with you.

36
Q

JAMES: Okay.

A

ART: This play…it contains humor. Not a lot, I admit. But it’s there. And with you…I’m just not seeing it.

37
Q

JAMES: Well, there’s some lines here and there, I suppose, but on the whole it’s a bit of a downer.

A

ART: Yes, yes, but that’s because it’s what we call a tra-gi-com-edy. It’s Chekhovian. It’s where we find the humor amidst the pain. It helps us get through it. And I don’t see the pleasure…in the pain…so I need more pleasure.

38
Q

JAMES: All right, but-

A

ART: Smile for me.

39
Q

JAMES: What?

A

ART: Give me a smile. The best you’ve got.

40
Q

(JAMES smiles awkwardly.)

A

ART: (Covering his eyes and turning away) Urgh!

41
Q

JAMES: It’s. well, it’s not easy to smile when someone just asks you to. You need a…a reason.

A

ART: I don’t. Never have. But that’s beside the point. You, Jim, must think of something funny. Dig within yourself. What do you kids laugh at today? Amputees? Poor people? The recently deceased? Whatever it is, you must find the answer within yourself.

42
Q

JAMES: Uh…um…oh, I don’t know. You need to hear a joke to laugh. And there aren’t any in this play.

A

ART: Not jokes, Jim, but humor.

43
Q

JAMES: But…can’t you just think something’s funny? Think it but not show it?

A

ART: Oh, no, Jim. I need to see a response to the material. I need to know - to see-that the meaning of the author’s work is hitting its mark. That’s my job.

44
Q

JAMES: All right, well, I’ll…I’ll try harder to show it. Smile and laugh more…
if that’s what you want.

A

ART: It is, Jim - in the right places. And I thank you… from the bottom of my showbiz-loving heart.

45
Q

JAMES: I’ll do my best.

A

ART: You’re a star. (In another abrupt change of tone) Stephanie!

46
Q

STEPHANIE: Yes!

A

ART: (Sighs) Oh, Stephanie. Steph, Steph, Steph. Just look at you. Who could possibly find fault with you?

47
Q

STEPHANIE: (With a bashful giggle) Oh!

A

ART: Except me. (Beat) You see, the problem is, Steph - and it’s a big one - is that this play, despite its moments of levity, is in essence a work of soul-destroying tragedy. It has an ugly heart of darkness that is at once a mockery of the human condition and a testament to it. That is what I want it to show. That is what I want people to feel. Are you with me?

48
Q

STEPHANIE: Yes.

A

ART: So why do you give me nothing?

49
Q

STEPHANIE: Nothing?

A

ART: Nothing. When Ilook at you, it’s as if I were watching Judge Judy

50
Q

STEPHANIE: But, I-I-

A

ART: Trust me, Steph, believe me, I can tell what a truly loving, feeling, caring person you are deep down inside.

51
Q

STEPHANIE: Oh, I am, I am!

A

ART: But all I’m seeing is an ice queen.

52
Q

STEPHANIE: (Shocked) A what?

A

ART: You heard right. But…don’t despair..well, do despair, that’s the point…but, I think I may have a solution for you. I’m sure you’re very familiar with the teachings of Constantin Stanislavski.

53
Q

STEPHANIE: Um-

A

ART: And his introduction of the use of ‘emotion memory.’ And that is what I want from you, Steph. I want you to feel the raw pain of what’s happening on stage by internally reliving the pain of a catastrophic event that occurred in your own life. So, come on -what do you have?

54
Q

STEPHANIE: Well, I don’t know that I want to… I mean…it’s a bit personal, really. Don’t you think?

A

ART: Art… is personal. There is nothing more personal. Now, come along, stop being so coy and precious and tell me something truly, truly horrible that you lived through. We all have one. And I want horrid with a big ‘H.

55
Q

STEPHANIE: I’m…I’m thinking.

A

ART: Dig deep, Stephanie. I want real human misery. There has to be something that scarred you like nothing else. The love of your life that dumped you for your best friend? A dearly beloved pet that passed away? D-Day? Anything, something - you have to give me something, Stephanie.

56
Q

STEPHANIE: Well…

A

ART: Yes?

57
Q

STEPHANIE: I don’t…tell many people about this, but..

A

ART: Yes, yes?

58
Q

Stephanie: When I was 7 years old, my mom… put me up for adoption. Abandoned me at an orphanage.

A

Art: YES!!!!

59
Q

She didn’t want to do it and it wasn’t her fault. I was just born at the wrong time, when my mom wasn’t ready to support a kid… to support me. And there was nothing I could do about it. I didn’t understand what was happening, why my mom was leaving me at a strange place all of a sudden. It was all so weird. I was only 7.

A

ART: Oh, this is pure gold! Now, just imagine this: Imagine the very last thoughts that were going through her head as she was leaving you behind in a world you knew nothing about!!! Knowing that you somehow were enough of an absolute burden on your own mother by The vertue of your own existence she would rather leave you to rot then ever even consider coming back for you

60
Q

STEPHANIE: (Sobbing) I know, I know, I think of that.

A

ART: You were such a drain on her life that you became the only thing in the way of your mother and her own happiness

61
Q

STEPHANIE: (Crying uncontrollably) Yes, yes.

A

ART: Yes, and that is what I need to see from you, Stephanie! That is emotion! That is what I’ve been searching for. I knew it was there - it just needed someone like me to bring it out.

62
Q

(ART stands and beckons the others to do the same.)

A

ART: All right, let’s get on with the show!

63
Q

(JAMES and STEPHANIE stand and move downstage, STEPHANIE still sobbing. ART puts his arms around them both and leads them to the edge of the stage.)

A

ART: I don’t deserve either of you, I really don’t. Now, you go out there, you take your seats again, and you make me proud! Be the best audience you can be!

64
Q

(JAMES and STEPHANIE step down from the stage and begin walking up the aisle.)

A

ART: (Calling after them) Enjoy the rest of the show! It’s all for you! And remember, feel it, live it! (Clenching his fists triumphantly) I love you guys!
(Clasping his hands to his heart) Every blessed one of you.

65
Q

(Final line of the show)

A

ART: Okay, everybody - intermission over! Act two places please! Now let’s make some magic!

Drama (6 decks)

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