SP lec. 10 - Attractiveness, Relationships and Love Flashcards
What are some examples of tangible effects of relationships?
- people in happy marriages have lower blood pressure and better immune functioning
- elderly individuals with more friends are less likely to die within ten years from study
- people that suffer from coronary heart disease are less likely to die if they perceive more social support
- if in strong relationships-> 50% increased likelyhood of survival
What are some challenges in studying relationships?
- people are not completely honest in self-report measures
- tricky to observe intimate relationships
1. hard to establish cause and effect- impossible to assign participants randomly to different relationships -> not possible to conduct experiments
- e.g. more relationship satisfaction = more sex -> which is cause and which effect?
2. lack of cross-cultural studies and lack of research on certain types of relationships
What relationships are the most studied?
- heterosexual (even though gay relationships are more similar to the heterosexual ones than expected)
- romantic (and not friendships)
- college-aged couples
- from WEIRD countries
what are some studies to predict the future of a couple?
- ask partners to talk about their relationships (relationship history, similarities with partner and marriage philosophy, …)
-> predictor of whether couple would still be together after five years - study on first impressions on first dates and follow-ups
-> predictor of whether the encounters would continue
why do relationships have such big effects on physical health?
- it’s a buffer against stress
- related to healthy behavior
- helps in finding solutions to problems
what are some effects of a break-up?
- physical pain as well as psychological pain
- loss of self-concept clarity
- continuing thinking about what went wrong can cause less satisfaction in future relationship
- less happiness when relationship ends compared to before break-up
! frustration and dissatisfaction with the relationship is more predictive of a break-up than the feeling that love is gone
How can attraction lead to liking?
- physical attraction
- perceived similarity
- pleasant interactions
why does physical appearance lead to attraction?
- personality traits are inferred from looking at physical appearance
- “what is beautiful is good”
can an “ideal beauty” be inferred?
- no, because no physical characteristics are always (time) considered equally attractive everywhere (location)
- the influence of physical appearance on attraction is cross-cultural, but…
- what is seen as attractive differs over time and culture
what are studies that prove the idea that “what’s beautiful is good”?
- study: only physical attractiveness predicts intention to go on second date
- study: essays of attractive women are rated more positively by male fellow students
What is beautiful is good - what does it mean?
- we associate other desirable characteristics to physical attraction
~ e.g. we think that beautiful people are more intelligent - we find people that we judge more positively as more attractive (what is good is beautiful)
- it becomes a self-fulfulling prophecy (we make what is beautiful, good)
What is beautiful is good - why?
- biological bases
- experiential bases
Biological bases for physical attractiveness
- symmetry and averageness of bodies and faces
- faces and bodies that suggest good access to resources
symmetry of faces and bodies - how is this preference explained?
- evolutionary explanation: health and averageness
- cognitive explanation: processing fluency
How does evolution explain the preference for symmetry?
- symmetry indicates good physical health, good genes and freedom from diseases
- monkeys do not seem to prefer average faces
- averageness effect also occurs when humans rate pictures of pets
What is the cognitive explanation of the preference for symmetry?
- processing fluency
-> average faces are processed with more fluency and therefore higher rated
In what circumstances is the symmetry and averageness effect more important?
- it has greater impact when thoughts of diseases are more accessible in people’s minds (e.g. after looking at pictures of infections)
- it is cross-cultural but symmetry signals good health depending on the culture
~ eg in hunter-gatherer culture it is more salient as there are higher risks of diseases
what are some predictors of attractiveness in women?
- low BMI/ body fat percentage
- low waist to hip ratio (“golden” ratio is controversial)
-> would signal reproductive potential
What are some predictors of attractiveness in men?
- no portruding belly
- V-shaped upper body
- higher shoulder to waist ratio
- BMI at lower limit
-> would signal ability to acquire and retain resources
faces and bodies that indicate good access to resources are considered as more attractive - why?
- indicate wealth, power, status
- e.g. in cultures with scarcity of food, heavier women are considered more attractive
- in cultures with overabundance of food, thinner women are considered more attractive
what are some factors that attraction depends on?
- culturalization/SES (low ses regions: no preference for thinness)
- temporary affective state (hungry men have a preference for heavier women)
- individual preferences (men have higher preference for hourglass figure if also have more traditional view of gender roles)
What are some experiential bases for physical attraction?
- we like what we see more often
> study: more attracted to features repeated in different stimuli
> more attracted to features we have long-term exposure to - we like people we find attractive and we find attractive people we like
> study: more attractiveness perceived if we get positive information about a person
> we find our partner more attractive than others do
why does similarity influence liking?
- similarity signals me and mine
- it increases sense of familiarity
- it fulfills needs of mastery and connectedness
how does similarity influence liking?
- we like more things that are similar to us
- similarity doesn’t need to be deep
> e.g. we like people with same initials as us more
similarity - signals “me and mine”
- anything connected to self is deemed as positive (since we view ourselves as positive, we also view others that are similar to us as positive)
- more people find similarities with average faces -> considered as more attractive
- we like others similar to us because we think that they also like us
similarity - signals familiarity
- we tend to like what’s familiar, and similar people feel familiar to us
similarity - contributes to mastery
- people interact with similar others
- similarity makes mimicry more likely
- similarity is the key predictor of cooperation, trust and helping
similarity - validates connectedness
- any similarity increases connection
- similar others are perceived to understand us and accept us more
how does positive interaction influence liking?
- people tend to like people they interact with even if paired by chance
- positive interaction is often promoted by physical proximity
what contributes to the effect of interaction?
- interaction makes others familiar
- interaction contributes to mastery
> it can be rewarding (e.g. discussing personal worries to friend) - interaction helps us feel connected
! interaction with people we dislike decreases liking
what are some physical determinants of attraction? (summary)
- proximity
- familiarity
- appearance (symmetry and averageness)
what are some psychological determinants of attraction?
- matching attitudes
> we find people with same attitudes more attractive
> particularly sharing distinctive attitude predicts attraction - matching demographic characteristics
> SES, countryside vs city, … - variety
> the larger and more diverse a group of “available” people, the more similar your friends - mutual liking
what two factors is mutual liking dependent on?
- reciprocity
- arousal and incidental factors
Reciprocity
- we like people more who like us too
- depends on selectivity (only reciprocity if someone does not show interest in all other interaction partners)
What are the differences in men and women regarding sexual encounters? why?
- men have sex apparently more frequently and with a wider variety of partners
- men start having sex at younger age
- men show more interest in casual sexual encounters than women
> sexual strategies theory
Sexual strategies theory
- preference of men to reproduce as much as possible
- women can only be pregnant once at a time
-> men benefit from having different partners, faster transition and active search for sexual partners
is the sexual strategies theory convincing?
- sex differences disappear or are found in opposite direction if fake lie detection test procedure is used
- … social cognitive theory (sex differences are the result of socially acquired beliefs - sexual double standard)
what are some benefits of online dating?
- more control
- more uncertainty
- less visibility
- more self-disclosure
what are positive aspects of media and online interaction?
- anonymity/invisibility
- (a)synchronicity
- availability
Online dating: Anonimity/Invisibility (what are some factors?)
- more self-awareness in interaction
- less “informative” interaction
- online dishinibition (more extreme positive and negative behaviors)
- more (superficial) self-disclosure
Online dating: (a)synchronicity
- more control over self-presentation
- more idealization of other
Online dating: Availability
- more availability of potential partners
> larger pools of possibilities -> may lead to the paradox of choice/choice stress
> deliberation mindset (evaluating different options) instead of implementation mindset (effective and enjoyable pursuit of important goals) - more available information of potential partners
- data matching and algorithms
> spontaneous response to direct contact does not always match formulated preferences
What are the benefits and disadvantages of online dating?
Benefits:
- more information
- less effort, less risk (invisible rejection)
- more control
- less uncertainty (about potential partner)
Disadvantages:
- choice stress
- idealization
- mindset effect
- less commitment
- more uncertainty (about partner)
What are the benefits and disadvantages of technology in relationships?
Benefits:
- more contact during absence
- online routine and social identity
- better sex
Disadvantages:
- worse face to face contact
- jealousy
- new types of dysfunctional behavior
- permanent presence after break-up
Can relationship satisfaction be predicted?
- Social exchange theory
- Equity theory
- Rusbult commitment investment model
- Reinforcement affect model
Social exchange theory
- add up all positives of relationship and subtract negatives
- maximizing rewards and minimizing costs
- comparison with ideal relationship and other possible relationships
= if negatives outweight positives, less relationship satisfaction and termination can be predicted
Equity theory
- measure level of distress:
> overbenefitting-> moderate distress
> underbenefitting-> high distress
> equity-> less distress
= we want an equitable outcome, not just the best situation for us
Rusbult commitment investment model
- commitment emerges from:
> satisfaction (recognition of affective, cognitive and behavioral rewards it offers)
> investment in the relationship (that would be lost) + barriers that would make leaving the relationship difficult
> quality of alternatives (recognition that alternative relationships would not offer same rewards) - it predicts relationship stability
- this model is used to explain why some women stay in abusive relationship
Reinforcement affect model
- argues that people are attracted to one another through positive reinforcement
- associating person with contextual factors
- e.g. less appreciation for other person if we meet them in unpleasantly hot room
What are the three different kinds of interdependence in a relationship?
- affective interdependence
- cognitive interdependence
- behavioral interdependence
Affective interdependence
- key factor of close relationships
- feelings of one person are related to feelings of partner
- self-disclosure and intimacy
> disclose information-> experience social support-> ability to deal with setbacks
> self-disclosure more important in individualistic cultures than in collectivist cultures (explained by differences in relational mobility)
Cognitive interdependence
- partner is incorporated into self-concept
- cognitive representation of self merges with that of partner (partner-knowledge becomes more like self-knowledge)
> reduced effect of actor-observer differences in attribution (we make same kind of attribution to parters as we make for us)
> attribute positive outcomes to partner, negative outcomes to environment (self-serving bias) - correlation between relationship satisfaction and general indication of bias
> underestimation of satisfaction with previous relationship
> overestimation of emotional impact of future break-up
Behavioral interdependence
- relationship closeness alters the way partners exchange rewards
- partners reward each other to show affection and to make partner happy
- mutual influence on decisions, activities and plans
- in communal relationships, people are more concerned with each others wellfare than with exchanging rewards
what is the difference in love in arranged vs “love” marriages?
- love increases overtime in arranged marriages
- love decreases overtime in “love”marriages
Compannionate love
- friendship based love
> based on affection, trust and deep sense of friendsihp
what is compannionate love determined by?
- equity
- proximity
- reciprocal self-disclosure
how does compannionate love develop?
- slow but more sustainable development
- could form the basis for the developing romantic love
passionate/romantic love
- intense attraction, sexual desire, euphoric feelings, …
- fear and despair when things go wrong
- related to reward structures in the brain (activation of same ventral areas for dopamine, cocaine, …)
- excitement and arousal usually from surprise and uncertainty
- characteristic of beginning of a relationship (less typical in later phases)
what are some cultural differences in passionate love?
- passion is seen as much less important in non-western countries (China, India)
- e.g. many Chinese words for “love”carry negative connotations
what are some characteristics of conflicts in relationships?
- positive bias contribute to successful relationship
> dissatisfied partners will attribute negative behavior pattern to person, and positive outcomes to external circumstances - commitment ensures more resilience
> decrease in intimacy and satisfaction is related to decrease in commitment
> negative cycle of conflict - secure attachment related to more positive reactions
> these individuals are more prone to constructive accomodation
how does attachment style influence the way partners give and receive support?
- study: woman was told she would undergo anxiety-provoking experiment, and was shown dark room
- partner was then introduced into waiting room and the conversation was recorded
1.1= secure and preoccupied women (seek intimacy) both seeked more support of were more scared
1.2= dismissing and fearful women seeked less support of were more scared (and viceversa)
2.1= securely attached men showed more support to partner who was more afraid
2.2= dismissing and fearful men showed less support the more the partner was scared
what are the two main factors that contribute to the development of a relationship?
- Exchange of Rewards
- Self-disclosure
Exchange of Rewards
- in voluntary relationships (friendships or romantic), each partner must receive benefits and rewards
> if sporadic interaction: rewards are directly affecting both (eg if play tennis-> both enjoy tennis-> direct and reciprocal reward)
> if more common interactions: direct exchange of rewards (eg one cooks and the other one cleans) - exchange relationships
exchange relationships
people offer rewards in order to receive benefits in return
what are the exchange rules in different relations
- casual relationships:
> equal exchange
> keep track of benefits to self
> you contribute only if you perceive that the other person is also going to contribute - deeper relationships
> share benefits equally
> don’t keep track of benefits
> assumption that partner would do the same in the relationship
what does a change in exchange of rewards signal?
- it signals important transition in deepening or development fo friendships
- e.g. if someone pays for your dinner but you pay him back as soon as possible, it might signal that you don’t want a deeper relationship
Self-disclosure
- facts about one’s life, situation, thoughts, feelings and emotions
- depth and bredth increases as relationship develops
- it increases liking but also uncertainty and discomfort when it’s too much
- fulfills connectedness (both giving it and receiving it)
Norm of reciprocity
- we should respond with sharing
- works also for self-disclosure
what are the gender differences in self-disclosure?
- women self-disclose more than men
- if men self-disclose in relationship, it can be an attempt to depeer the relationship
- reaction to self-disclosure is fundamental
Close relationship
relationship involving strong and frequent interdependence in many domains of life
Love
thoughts, feelings and actions that occur when a person wishes to enter or maintain a close relationship with a specific person
what study demonstated the link between partner and self?
- people rated whether each of a number of trait words terms described themselves
- record the amount of time they took to respond to each item
- compare the speed of responding for traits on which participants
had previously rated themselves as similar vs different to their spouses - slower time in rating traits where they thought they were different from their spouse
= slow process of assessing personal characteristic if it differ from partner
communal relationship
relationship in which people reward their partner out of direct concern and to show caring
Shift from an exchange to a
communal orientation marks an important transition point to a close relationship - what study proves it?
- participants divided up a set amount of money
between themselves and another person
-> people gave themselves considerably more than they gave to a stranger
-> gave the friend about the same amount
as they gave themselves (even when the friend would
not know the source of the money)
= people want to benefit a close friend just as
much as they want to benefit themselves
what happens when rewards are seens as accruing to one partner more than to other?
- social comparisons may stop the relationship from going forward
- e.g. if comparing better rewards that your partner gets at same job that you also have
what is the gender difference in valuing relationships?
- men value relationships as a source of social standing and mastery
- women value relationships for the sharing, intimacy and connectedness they provide
Intimacy
- positive emotional bond that includes understanding and support
- most central reward in close relationship
- leads to great psychological wellbeing
- ps women’s close relationships are more intimate than men’s
how does intimacy develop?
- reciprocating emotional and personal self-disclosures
- responsiveness to self-disclosure
- feeling of closeness and increase in perceived value and self-esteem
Commitment
- combined forces that hold the partners together in an enduring relationship
- involves strong emotional bond and dedication to maintaining the relationship for a long term
Attachment styles
- people’s basic securely attached, avoidant or anxious orientation toward others in close relationships
- both nature and nurture
- two dimensions:
> extent to which people seek or avoid intimacy with others’
> extent to which they are anxious about being abandoned by others
what are the four attachments styles?
- secure attachment (not afraid of intimacy and abandonment)
- dismissive attachment (feel good about themselves but do not trust others; avoid intimacy)
- preoccupied attachment (want intimacy but scared of no reciprocity; constantly anticipate threats)
- fearful attachment (anxiety about abandonment and fear of intimacy; sensitive to rejection)
how can relationships be threatened?
- interdependence leads to disagreements
- external factors, social norms and real or perceived presence of rivals can trigger relationship difficulties
what do the seeked qualities of a partner depend on?
- social context of a relationship
- e.g. whether it is short-term or long-term
accomodation
process of responding to a negative action by the partner
how can conflicts be handled?
- constructively or destructively
- many resources afford contructive responses-> these responses lead to a better relationship outcome
- if attempts to respond constructively fails-> conflict escalates-> leads to decline in intimacy and commitment
When is constructive accomodation more likely?
- couples with secure attachment style (more confident in confronting partner and solving conflict)
- couples high in commitment (eg more likely to forgive transgressions and change own behavior)
- idealization of partner and relationship (less conflict if more positive illusion of partner)
- beliefs about relationships (eg if you think that you are destined to be together)
article - study disproving that opposites attract
- participants were asked to rank importance of 10 characteristics they look for in a long-term mate (eg appearance, wealth, …)
- participants ranked themselves on same characteristics
= rankings where highly associated - criticism: this study is based on self-reports, and often people want different things they say they want
- criticism: what someone wants in a partner does not change the attraction felt
