Relationships Flashcards
Passionate love
Intense loving, ecstasy/despair
Intense but brief
Like a drug, a burning fire
Companionate love
Feelings of intimacy,care,connection
Slow growing but long lasting
Like vines growing and intertwining,binding
Companionate love grows in intimacy
Are arranged marriages satisfying?
Most arranged marriages end up becoming loving relationships even if they start out without love
Studies find arranges marriages scored higher on the love scale than love marriages for both male and female
shift of Maslow
Western cultural idea of marriage has changed dramatically over the last 50 years
From a)necessity and survival only to b)meeting intimacy and c)self-expressive needs
Two consequences of shifting standards of marriage
More marriage fail this very high standard
Those few marriages that succeed are as fulfilling as they have ever been
Four horseman
criticism:attacking the partner
contempt:sense of superiority
defensiveness:blaming your partner
stonewalling:unengaging from conversation
Having arguments does not predict relationship failure but the way of solving it does
Propinquity
Physical proximity
Explanations of propinquity effect
Availability encourage interactions
Anticipating interactions produces warm feelings
Mere exposure effect
The mere exposure effect:
repeated exposure breeds familiarity which encourages liking
Mere Exposure effect
Does not need conscious reflection-same effect with subliminal exposure
Familiarity is the key mechanisms to exposure therapy- the best method to treat phobias
novelty seeking
Novelty seeking exists, but familiarity is much more powerful than novelty seeking
However we don’t notice familiarity driven choices, but we do notice novelty seeking
-example:We notice when we try something new but not when we reorder sushi for the 5th time this week
Similarity
Similarity breeds attraction-ultimate egocentrism
Why does similarity encourage attraction?
Social validation(egocentrism)
Smooth social interactions
We expect similar others to like us
Similar others have qualities we like
Important: the similarity attraction effect is weaker in more collectivistic cultures where high self esteem is not a culturally important value
What about opposites attract? Yes, some exceptions
Sexual attraction:masculine-feminine attraction, incest avoidance
A few personality traits (Dominant.submissive,talkative/quiet, nurturing/needy)
