Never split the difference Flashcards
What is the key flaw of traditional win-win negotiation?
It assumes splitting the difference leads to fairness, often causing suboptimal deals that haven’t built in real value or really understood what both parties stand to gain from the deal.
Why is no deal sometimes better than a bad deal?
A bad deal can have long-term negative consequences that outweigh short-term gains, e.g., a client churning or the other person resenting you.
You must make sure the value has been built and there is mutual agreement on what the purpose of the deal actually is.
Why is tactical empathy more effective than logic?
People make decisions based on emotions and justify them with logic. Instead of arguing facts, acknowledging their emotions builds trust and lowers resistance.
e.g., if a client says, “Your product is too expensive,” responding with “It sounds like budget is a major concern” validates their worry and makes them more open to discussion.
What is a common mistake negotiators make when trying to close deals?
Many negotiators rush to get a “yes,” which creates pressure and resistance.
Instead, skilled negotiators uncover concerns and make the other party feel in control. Voss teaches to first get a “no” (e.g., “Is this something you’ve completely ruled out?”), which makes the other side feel safer.
In sales, pushing for a close too soon can backfire—it’s better to ask, “What would make this decision easier for you?”
What should be prioritized over simply reaching an agreement?
A good deal is better than just any deal—bad agreements can cause long-term damage. Voss stresses that compromise for its own sake often leads to regret.
In negotiations, focusing on mutual value rather than just closing helps avoid costly mistakes.
e.g., offering discounts just to close can weaken long-term client relationships and profitability.
What is tactical empathy?
The skill of recognizing and influencing emotions to guide negotiations.
e.g., “It sounds like implementation is a big concern for you”) can open a productive dialogue.
How does mirroring help in negotiations?
Mirroring (repeating the last 1-3 words) makes people feel heard and encourages them to share more.
e.g., if a client says, “We’re struggling with efficiency,” responding with “Struggling with efficiency?” prompts them to elaborate, giving valuable insights.
Why is labeling an effective technique?
Labeling emotions (e.g., “It sounds like this is frustrating for you”) makes people feel understood, reducing tension.
e.g., if a client seems hesitant, saying, “It sounds like you’re unsure about implementation” invites discussion without being confrontational.
How can you use tactical empathy to de-escalate conflict?
Tactical empathy calms tense situations by acknowledging emotions rather than arguing.
e.g., if a client is frustrated, saying, “It seems like this delay has caused problems for you” shifts the focus from blame to solutions.
What is the key to making tactical empathy work?
You must genuinely listen and acknowledge emotions without rushing to solve problems. In negotiations, Voss used silence after labeling emotions to encourage more sharing.
Why is getting a ‘No’ important in negotiation?
It makes the other person feel safe and in control.
Starting with ‘is this is a bad idea?’ is often a good way to get a No.
What question can you ask to encourage a ‘No’ response?
‘Have you given up on this?’
‘Is this a bad idea?’
How does a ‘No’ lead to a better conversation?
It removes pressure and allows people to clarify their position.
How can you reframe rejection into an opportunity?
Instead of fearing rejection, use it to uncover concerns. “What would need to happen for this to work for you?” turns resistance into collaboration.
Why is a ‘That’s right’ response more valuable than a ‘You’re right’?
‘That’s right’ confirms deep understanding, while ‘You’re right’ is often dismissive.
How can summarizing the other party’s perspective help?
When you accurately summarize the other person’s concerns, they feel understood and drop their guard. Voss teaches that summarizing the other side’s viewpoint in negotiations often leads to breakthroughs.
In sales, instead of pushing a product, summarizing a client’s pain points can make them feel heard and more open to solutions.
What happens when you force agreement rather than earn it?
Forcing a “yes” leads to short-term compliance but long-term resistance. People agree outwardly but may backtrack later. In negotiations, making someone feel heard and in control results in genuine commitment.
e.g., rather than saying, “Let’s just sign this today,” asking, “What would make you feel confident in moving forward?” creates real buy-in.
What is an Accusation Audit?
An Accusation Audit preemptively addresses objections to lower resistance. Voss used it by saying, “You’re probably thinking I’m just another guy trying to sell you something.”
e.g., starting with, “You may be skeptical about whether this tool will work for you” makes prospects more open.
Why should you acknowledge negative perceptions before they arise?
Acknowledging negatives before the other person brings them up prevents resistance. Voss found that when he admitted flaws first, people were more willing to engage.
Admitting potential concerns (“You might be worried about switching vendors”) makes prospects feel like you understand their situation.
How does preempting concerns build credibility?
Addressing objections upfront shows honesty and confidence. Voss found that negotiators who did this built stronger relationships.
Openly discussing potential challenges (“I know this requires a learning curve”) makes you more trustworthy.
How does mirroring help create connection?
It encourages the other person to keep talking and feel understood.
What is the correct way to mirror someone in a negotiation?
Repeat the last 1-3 words of their statement in a questioning tone. If they say, “We don’t have the budget right now,” respond with, “The budget right now?” This invites them to explain further without feeling interrogated.
Why is it important to use mirroring in a calm, natural way?
To avoid sounding robotic or manipulative.
How can mirroring be combined with tactical silence?
Mirroring, followed by silence, creates a natural pressure for the other person to fill the gap. Voss found that people often continued talking when met with silence.
e.g., mirroring followed by a pause can lead prospects to reveal key details about their decision-making process.
