Never split the difference Flashcards
What is the key flaw of traditional win-win negotiation?
It assumes splitting the difference leads to fairness, often causing suboptimal deals that haven’t built in real value or really understood what both parties stand to gain from the deal.
Why is no deal sometimes better than a bad deal?
A bad deal can have long-term negative consequences that outweigh short-term gains, e.g., a client churning or the other person resenting you.
You must make sure the value has been built and there is mutual agreement on what the purpose of the deal actually is.
Why is tactical empathy more effective than logic?
People make decisions based on emotions and justify them with logic. Instead of arguing facts, acknowledging their emotions builds trust and lowers resistance.
e.g., if a client says, “Your product is too expensive,” responding with “It sounds like budget is a major concern” validates their worry and makes them more open to discussion.
What is a common mistake negotiators make when trying to close deals?
Many negotiators rush to get a “yes,” which creates pressure and resistance.
Instead, skilled negotiators uncover concerns and make the other party feel in control. Voss teaches to first get a “no” (e.g., “Is this something you’ve completely ruled out?”), which makes the other side feel safer.
In sales, pushing for a close too soon can backfire—it’s better to ask, “What would make this decision easier for you?”
What should be prioritized over simply reaching an agreement?
A good deal is better than just any deal—bad agreements can cause long-term damage. Voss stresses that compromise for its own sake often leads to regret.
In negotiations, focusing on mutual value rather than just closing helps avoid costly mistakes.
e.g., offering discounts just to close can weaken long-term client relationships and profitability.
What is tactical empathy?
The skill of recognizing and influencing emotions to guide negotiations.
e.g., “It sounds like implementation is a big concern for you”) can open a productive dialogue.
How does mirroring help in negotiations?
Mirroring (repeating the last 1-3 words) makes people feel heard and encourages them to share more.
e.g., if a client says, “We’re struggling with efficiency,” responding with “Struggling with efficiency?” prompts them to elaborate, giving valuable insights.
Why is labeling an effective technique?
Labeling emotions (e.g., “It sounds like this is frustrating for you”) makes people feel understood, reducing tension.
e.g., if a client seems hesitant, saying, “It sounds like you’re unsure about implementation” invites discussion without being confrontational.
How can you use tactical empathy to de-escalate conflict?
Tactical empathy calms tense situations by acknowledging emotions rather than arguing.
e.g., if a client is frustrated, saying, “It seems like this delay has caused problems for you” shifts the focus from blame to solutions.
What is the key to making tactical empathy work?
You must genuinely listen and acknowledge emotions without rushing to solve problems. In negotiations, Voss used silence after labeling emotions to encourage more sharing.
Why is getting a ‘No’ important in negotiation?
It makes the other person feel safe and in control.
Starting with ‘is this is a bad idea?’ is often a good way to get a No.
What question can you ask to encourage a ‘No’ response?
‘Have you given up on this?’
‘Is this a bad idea?’
How does a ‘No’ lead to a better conversation?
It removes pressure and allows people to clarify their position.
How can you reframe rejection into an opportunity?
Instead of fearing rejection, use it to uncover concerns. “What would need to happen for this to work for you?” turns resistance into collaboration.
Why is a ‘That’s right’ response more valuable than a ‘You’re right’?
‘That’s right’ confirms deep understanding, while ‘You’re right’ is often dismissive.
How can summarizing the other party’s perspective help?
When you accurately summarize the other person’s concerns, they feel understood and drop their guard. Voss teaches that summarizing the other side’s viewpoint in negotiations often leads to breakthroughs.
In sales, instead of pushing a product, summarizing a client’s pain points can make them feel heard and more open to solutions.
What happens when you force agreement rather than earn it?
Forcing a “yes” leads to short-term compliance but long-term resistance. People agree outwardly but may backtrack later. In negotiations, making someone feel heard and in control results in genuine commitment.
e.g., rather than saying, “Let’s just sign this today,” asking, “What would make you feel confident in moving forward?” creates real buy-in.
What is an Accusation Audit?
An Accusation Audit preemptively addresses objections to lower resistance. Voss used it by saying, “You’re probably thinking I’m just another guy trying to sell you something.”
e.g., starting with, “You may be skeptical about whether this tool will work for you” makes prospects more open.
Why should you acknowledge negative perceptions before they arise?
Acknowledging negatives before the other person brings them up prevents resistance. Voss found that when he admitted flaws first, people were more willing to engage.
Admitting potential concerns (“You might be worried about switching vendors”) makes prospects feel like you understand their situation.
How does preempting concerns build credibility?
Addressing objections upfront shows honesty and confidence. Voss found that negotiators who did this built stronger relationships.
Openly discussing potential challenges (“I know this requires a learning curve”) makes you more trustworthy.
How does mirroring help create connection?
It encourages the other person to keep talking and feel understood.
What is the correct way to mirror someone in a negotiation?
Repeat the last 1-3 words of their statement in a questioning tone. If they say, “We don’t have the budget right now,” respond with, “The budget right now?” This invites them to explain further without feeling interrogated.
Why is it important to use mirroring in a calm, natural way?
To avoid sounding robotic or manipulative.
How can mirroring be combined with tactical silence?
Mirroring, followed by silence, creates a natural pressure for the other person to fill the gap. Voss found that people often continued talking when met with silence.
e.g., mirroring followed by a pause can lead prospects to reveal key details about their decision-making process.
What is the purpose of using a slow, downward-inflecting tone?
It projects authority and calms tense situations.
When should you use the ‘Late-Night FM DJ Voice’?
When delivering important or difficult messages. e.g., pricing or deadlines.
How does a deep, calm voice impact negotiations?
It makes you seem in control and trustworthy, using a steady tone prevents clients from sensing nervousness or desperation.
What effect does lowering your voice have on the other party’s emotions?
It calms them down and makes them more likely to listen. Voss explains that a controlled voice reduces anxiety and builds trust. In sales, lowering your voice when discussing contract terms can make the conversation feel more collaborative than confrontational.
How can tone of voice help regain control in tense situations?
A slow, steady tone diffuses tension and keeps the conversation constructive. Voss used this in negotiations when emotions ran high. In sales, responding to an aggressive prospect with a calm tone can shift the energy of the conversation in your favor.
What does the 7-38-55 Rule state about communication?
7% is words, 38% is tone, 55% is body language, a confident posture and steady voice can make a bigger impact than the actual words.
Why is body language more important than words?
People subconsciously trust body language over spoken words. Voss found that inconsistent body language made negotiators less persuasive.
In sales, maintaining open, relaxed body language makes you seem trustworthy and approachable.
What is a common mistake people make when communicating under pressure?
Over-focusing on words instead of tone and body language. Voss warns that sounding anxious weakens credibility.
Speaking too fast or fidgeting signals uncertainty and makes prospects wary.
What is a calibrated question?
A question designed to make the other party think and engage in problem-solving. Voss teaches that asking “How am I supposed to do that?” shifts pressure onto them.
Why do calibrated questions give the illusion of control?
They make the other party feel like they’re leading the discussion while you steer it. Voss used this to make hostage-takers feel in control while guiding them toward concessions.
How does ‘How am I supposed to do that?’ shift pressure onto the other side?
It forces them to justify their position or offer alternatives. In sales, if a prospect demands a discount, asking, “How am I supposed to offer that and still deliver the best service?” puts the burden on them.
What is the difference between a calibrated question and a direct question?
Calibrated questions are open-ended and encourage collaboration, while direct questions can feel confrontational. “What about this is important to you?” works better than “Do you want this feature?”
How does giving the other party the illusion of control benefit you?
It makes them more cooperative and likely to share valuable information.
What are examples of questions that create the illusion of control?
‘How do you see this playing out?’ or ‘What’s the biggest challenge you’re facing?’
Why does making the other party feel in charge increase cooperation?
When people feel in control, they are more open to suggestions. In sales, asking “What would a perfect solution look like for you?” lets clients express their needs while you shape the discussion.
How can you redirect a tough conversation without appearing confrontational?
By using questions like ‘What do you think is the best way forward?’ instead of making demands.
Or, ‘how can we make this work for you?’
What are the four main steps in the Ackerman Bargaining Method?
Start with a high anchor, use three incremental offers, add non-monetary items, and use tactical empathy.
Why should your first offer be an extreme anchor?
It sets the negotiation in your favor and makes later concessions seem reasonable.
How do small, incremental concessions make a final offer seem fair?
Psychologically, small moves feel more deliberate and justified. Voss used this to show kidnappers he was conceding strategically, not carelessly. In sales, lowering the price too quickly makes it seem inflated from the start, while small reductions make it feel like real negotiation.
Why is non-monetary value useful in negotiations?
Offering things other than price (extra services, faster delivery, extended support) adds perceived value without reducing revenue. Voss recommends using these when monetary concessions aren’t possible. In sales, saying, “I can’t lower the price, but I can include a premium onboarding package” keeps the deal attractive while protecting margins.
How can you use pauses and tactical empathy in the Ackerman process?
Pausing after an offer creates discomfort, making the other party more likely to respond. Voss found that in hostage negotiations, silence made criminals second-guess their demands.
e.g., after saying, “The best we can do is $10,000 with priority support,” remaining silent forces the buyer to process the offer and respond.
What is a ‘Black Swan’ in negotiation?
It’s a trigger to change the current state, or a compelling event; A hidden piece of information that, once uncovered, changes the dynamics of the deal.
Why is uncovering hidden information crucial in negotiations?
It can reveal leverage points and motivations that give you a strategic advantage.
What are signs that a Black Swan may be present in a deal?
Look for inconsistencies, emotional reactions, or vague responses. If a client says, “We love your product, but now isn’t the right time,” there may be an underlying reason they’re not sharing. Voss teaches that subtle hesitations often indicate hidden information that, once revealed, can change the negotiation.
How can you actively look for Black Swans during a conversation?
Ask open-ended questions and pay attention to nonverbal cues. Voss recommends probing with questions like, “What else is affecting this decision?” In sales, silence can also reveal Black Swans—buyers often disclose more when you resist filling the silence.
What should you do once you uncover a Black Swan that changes everything?
Immediately adjust your negotiation strategy. Voss stresses that once you have new leverage, you must adapt. In sales, if you learn that a competitor just raised prices, you can shift from competing on features to emphasizing your cost stability.
What sort of body language and tone should I use in a negotiation?
A slow, calm voice and open body language creates authority and trust.
Speaking too fast or appearing tense signals desperation, while a relaxed tone makes you seem confident and in control.
What are some examples of black swans in negotiations?
Black Swans are hidden facts that change the negotiation. Voss describes cases where uncovering unexpected motivations altered outcomes.
In sales, if a client claims budget is the issue, but the real concern is vendor trust, addressing reliability—not price—becomes key.
