Moment 11

Question 1

Presley: I’ve got a photograph. Of us as children. I’ll show you.

Answer 1

Cosmo: What your parents die of? Car crash?

Question 2

Presley: No.

Answer 2

Cosmo: Cancer?

Question 3

Presley: No.

Answer 3

Cosmo: Strokes?

Question 4

Presley: No.

Answer 4

Cosmo: Heart attacks?

Question 5

Presley: No.

Answer 5

Cosmo: Kidney failure?

Question 6

Presley: No.

Answer 6

Cosmo: Sexually transmitted disease?

Question 7

Presley: NO. Mum and Dad? No!

Answer 7

Cosmo: It can easily happen, you know. I’ve seen photographs of what happens to people when they fall in love. Their skin falls off. Like they’ve been in a nuclear war or something. It’s terrible, Mr Chocolate … You ever been in love?

Question 8

Presley: I loved Mum and Dad.

Answer 8

Cosmo: That don’t count. Anyone else?

Question 9

Presley: My sister.

Answer 9

Cosmo: That doesn’t count either. Don’t play games.

Question 10

Presley: I’m not playing games.

Answer 10

Cosmo: Yes, you are.

Question 11

Presley: Oh no, I’m not.

Answer 11

Cosmo: Oh, yes, you are.

Question 12

Presley: Oh no, I’m not.

Answer 12

Cosmo: … Have you ever been in love with a woman other than family members?

Question 13

Presley: … Don’t suppose so, no.

Answer 13

Cosmo: What? Never?

Question 14

Presley: No.

Answer 14

Cosmo: You’ve fucked women though, right?

Question 15

Presley: … Not really.

Answer 15

Cosmo: What d’you mean ‘not really’? There’s no grey area where fucking’s concerned.

Question 16

Presley: You swear too much.

Answer 16

Cosmo: Jesus Christ.

Question 17

Presley: And don’t say Jesus.
…
Say three million Hail Marys and rub ashes in your hair.

Answer 17

Cosmo: Tell me! Right now! Have you ever fucked a woman!

Question 18

Presley: No!

Answer 18

Slight pause.

Cosmo: Ever snagged a woman?

Question 19

Presley: No.

Answer 19

Slight pause.

Cosmo: Ever done it with a man?

Question 20

Presley: No.

Answer 20

Cosmo: You better tell me if you have. I bet that’s why you helped me. Because I’m a perfect pretty boy without a filling in my head.

Question 21

Presley: I have never done it with a man.

Answer 21

Slight pause.

Cosmo: Ever wanted to?

Question 22

Presley: No!

Answer 22

Cosmo: Sure?

Question 23

Presley: Yes.

Answer 23

Cosmo: … All right then.

Question 24

Cosmo sits and glances at Haley.

Presley follows his look, then hands him one photograph at a time as -

Answer 24

Cosmo: I hate being touched by men. It happens everywhere these days. In pubs. Trains. Buses. Supermarkets.

They come up behind you and rub their hands over your backside. Or they stand next to you. Stand so close that their knee touches your knee.

When you buy something in a shop and the shopkeeper gives you change - if it’s a man, he always makes sure he touches your hand. You noticed that? His fingers linger in your palm, feeling you, stroking you almost.

Women don’t do that. Women don’t want to touch. Most women just slam change down on the counter and leave it there for you to pick up. No finger contact there. But men….

Oh, men are different. I hate being touched by men. And they all love to do it. It’s because I look younger than I am. They think they can get away with it. They think I’m just a boy. All men like schoolboys.

That’s why I never use a public toilet. Once, when I was standing at a urinal, this bloke stood beside me and actually leaned over to look at my cock. Can you believe that? I’d rather piss myself than have a homosexual see my cock.

They should be gassed. All of them. Or herded into one place. Like a big stadium. Have a bomb dropped on them. Do everyone a fucking favor.

It’s not that I’m narrow-minded or anything. We’ve all got a right to live. But we ain’t got a right to stare at each other’s private parts.