Learning Unit 4 Flashcards
Relationship Management
Factors of attraction
Proximity-closer people are, easier to communicate and form a relationship, technology has reduced the importance, exposure increases attraction shen initial attraction is favourable or neutral and decreases when initial attraction is negative
Interpersonal similarities- similar people more likely to form relationships, leads to less conflict, important to have compatible values, attitudes, beliefs for commitment, financial matters, religion, chidren, convictions, sexual habits, substance abuse etc
Attractiveness- personality or physical: first thing we see important for first impression. Like attractive people as think it enhances our attractiveness, tend to form relationships with people equal in attractiveness, ‘beauty and the beast’ phenomenon as women underestimate and men overestimate their attractiveness, attracted to talented people with visible flaws, is reduced in online relationships
Percieved liking and responsiveness- like people who we think like us, respond to our jokes, give us compliments etc, pheromones responsible for sexual attraction, ads cause people to be love struck not in love, people who express their love are more liked
Change in self-esteem- if weak attracted to people less attractive, need for affiliation increases, more accepting of others affection
Anxiety- increases need to be around people, influences criteria for partners and shared unpleasant circumstances attract us more
Isolation- dont like to alone, more receptive to rewards, increases need for interaction overriding standards for friends
Reason we form relationships
To understand ourselves- seek feedback, get a sense of who we are
To understand others- from interacting we learn about others
To understand the world- others teach us what we want to knoe and make relationships to help us cope
To fulfill our needs- inclusion: social, feel more important when involved, control: influence others, affection: close or distancing
Maximize pleasure and minimize pain- increase + and decrease- experiences, share good experiences, decrease loneliness and emotional pain and increase perception and self knowledge
Alleviate loneliness-can cause psychological due to lack of interpersonal relationships
Secure stimulation: share so we dont stagnate, intellectual, physical, emotional and spiritual
Uncertainty reduction theory
Initial stages of relationships, dislike it and do anything to reduce it by finding out more about situation or person,cognitive: values, altitudes and beliefs, behavioural: behave in interaction, predictive: unsure about what they will do, explanatory: unsure about why they did it
1- increase in verbal communication, DIU
2- increase in non-verbal communication DIU
3- more uncertain more likely to find out more information
4- more uncertain less likely to share person information
5- uncertain mimic other persons, certain express own views
6- similarities decrease uncertainty and dissimilarities increase uncertainty
7- uncertain less likely to like the person
Reasons for relationship deterioration
Unrealistic beliefs and expectations- expectations should be in line with beliefs, unrealistic beliefs lead to frustration and respond with destructive behaviour, go through phases cant always be supportive, stereotypes, media, upbringing, parents relationship
Excessive intimacy claims- pressure to be attentive, see partner as my person
Third party relationships- affair/cheating, or friends more attention and intimacy declines
Personal changes- constantly grow and change, affected by education, job and religion
Communication problems- misunderstandings and miscommunication, people stop listening
Excessive conflict- good in small amounts, cant accommodate differences
Financial difficulties- no money to do fun things, one with money is dominant
Work-related problems- long hours leads to conflict, partner doesn’t agree with work conflict, gender issues like female is breadwinner
Inequity- insecure/uncertain because relationship is unequal, not fulfilling needs
Negative attributes- how you view what happens in a relationship and think they know how others act a certain way
Lack of commitment- over commitment also unhealthy
I vs. Other- me is important, don’t lose identity and become too selfish, other less selfish, tender and allow others to take advantage
Maintain a relationship
Be nice Be open and expressive Listen actively and respond appropriate Provide ongoing reassurance Do things together Be positive Improve yourself Be tolerant Be dependable and trustworthy Manage conflict cooperatively Share tasks Take time out
Guidelines to repair a relationship
Recognise the problem Engage in constructive communication Suggest possible solutions Affirm your partner Give assurances Integrate solutions into everyday behaviour Take risks See relationships as circular
Strategies for ending a relationship
Indirect dissolution strategy- do not communicate your intention but rather cause your partner to end the relationship in indirect ways, manipulation: you behave in a way forcing your partner to end things eg flirt with his best friend, withdrawal: reduce conflict without expectations, pseudo de-escalation reduce relationship level eg lets be friends, cost escalation increase cost of relationship
Direct dissolution strategy- openly communicate you want to end relationship, negative identity management: state you want to end but blame partner, justification: state why you want to leave, de-escalation: honest request to lower relationship level, positive tone: affirm partner when ending relationship
Communication climate
How partners feel about each other and how they communicate those feelings
Supportive- durban, feel safe, constructive communication, relationship grows, thrive and are in control
Defensive- klein karoo, feel threatened, communication is destructive, relationship is stunted, in survival mode so all about me and take and take
Empathy vs sympathy
E- experience someone elses perspective and understand, empathize even if self inflicted, you dont make the same mistakes and their reasoning is illogical
S- feel sorry if their plight is worthy, might not sympathise if self inflicted, you do not make the same mistakes and if reasoning is illogical
Unconditional acceptance
Communicate attitude of approval using descriptive not evaluative, describe what happened in neutral terms and how it made you feel and how it involves the other person
Evaluative- personal attack, blaming language eg you in accusing way, invalidating labels eg ‘stupid’ etc, generalisations eg all everything nothing etc
Descriptive- builds relationship rather than break it down, describe thoughts and feelings, I focusses on speajer rather than listener
Boundaries in relationships
You and partner, willing to give and unwilling to give, behaviour willing to accept and not
Defining- only able if know who we are, need to be authentic, to live and express, relationship roles that have varying functions
Setting- first verbally then reinforced non verbally, aware of boundaries once violated, when setting use descriptive language, don’t put person in place rather improve relationship and boundaries should match level of transgression
Respecting- take into consideration expectations like how partners are expected to behave, what the relationship should look like and what satisfaction will be for them, listen with empathy, manage your emotions, express appreciation and willingness to respect boundary and be honest with your feelings
Openness in interpersonal relationships
Transparency- how open about motives and feelings
Open-endedness- willingness to listen understand and consider someones point of view
Self-disclosure- willingness to give others information, must disclose to ourselves first, requires trust
Responsiveness- how we choose to respond to persons behaviour needs and communication and how constructive it is
Johari window
is a picture of self awareness and self disclosure, will differ in relationships, interdependent- a change in one changes another
Open- both you and others know, ideas, behaviours, emotions, desires etc, grows in relationships
Blind- we don’t know but others do, low self-awareness, strengths and weaknesses, can move this information to open self by reflection and feedback
Hidden- we know but others dont, unwilling to share, trust is important, 3 types: over, under and selective revealers
Unknown- you nor others know, change by reflection and situational discoveries
Guidelinea for self disclosure
Consider long term effects Consider the context Own your emotions Reciprocate partners self disclosure Be voluntary and natural Watch other person for feedback
