Gottman ch5: Principle #3 - turn toward each other instead of away Flashcards
What is the importance of small connections in a marriage?
Real-life romanced is kept alive each time you let your spouse know he or she is valued during the grind of everyday life. p80
What is a « bid » in the context of a marriage?
A BID is the outward expression of a choice to turn toward your spouse rather than to turn away. Partners « bid » for each other’s attention, affection, humor, support. People either turn toward one another after these bids or they turn away. Turning toward is the basis for emotional connection, romance, passion, and a good sex life. p80
How does a couple build savings in their EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNT?
A couple builds savings in their emotional bank account by characteristically turning toward each other rather than away. These emotional savings serve as a cushion when times get rough, when they are faced with a major life stress or conflict. Because they have stored up goodwill, they are better able to make allowances for each other when a conflict arises.
What is a stress-reducing conversation?
It is a conversation at the end of the day that is NOT ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE OR YOUR KIDS. It is an invitation that one partner makes to the other: tell me what is on your mind. Tell me how your day went. It is an opportunity to support the other emotionally concerning other areas of his or her life, outside of the marriage. p87
