Gottman ch3: Principle #1 - Enhance your love maps

Question 1

What does it mean to have a “richly detailed love map” ?

Answer 1

Many married couples fall into a habit of inattention to the details of their spouse’s life. In contrast, emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other’s world. A “love map” is that part of the brain where we store all the relevant information about our partner’s life. (pp 47-48)

Question 2

How do you make “cognitive room” for your marriage?

Answer 2

Couples make “cognitive room” for their marriage by remembering major events in each other’s history, and by continuing to update the information as the facts and feelings of the spouses world change. They make an effort to know each other’s goals in life, each other’s worries, each other’s hopes. (p48)

Question 3

What is the link between knowledge (of your spouse) and strength (in your marriage)?

Answer 3

From knowledge springs not only love but fortitude to weather marital storms. Couples who have detailed love maps of each other’s world are far better prepared to cope with stressful events and conflict. (p49)

Question 4

What are the « Who am I ? » categories when it comes to love maps?

Answer 4

The « Who am I ? » categories:
1. My triumphs and strivings
2. My injuries and healings
3. My emotional world
4. My mission and legacy
5. Who I want to become?
See specific questions: pp 56-59