Emotional Intelligence 2.0 Deck 4

Question 1

Seek the whole picture (SC)

Answer 1

Ask people about their perceptions of you, or send out a 360-degree survey to get feedback that will help you understand how you appear to others

Question 2

Catch the mood of the room (SC)

Answer 2

Moving from perception of individuals to being able to read the room is a big leap in abilities. You’ll probably have a gut feeling, but you can also observe groups of people to see how they are talking, how they are moving, how they are grouped, etc. It can be helpful to do this with someone who is experienced in reading a room

Question 3

Be open and curious (RM

Answer 3

Sharing things about yourself will leave less room for people to misinterpret you, and the more you know about someone else, the more clearly you can interpret their emotional signals

Question 4

Enhance your natural communication style (RM)

Answer 4

We can all benefit from understanding and adjusting our natural communication style. The authors suggest another writing exercise, with the positives of your style on one side and the negatives on the other. Ask friends or family to help you define the ups and downs, and pick a few of each to emphasize or to work on

Question 5

Avoid giving mixed signals (RM)

Answer 5

It’s possible to be saying something that’s on your mind while simultaneously exhibiting body language that shows a different emotion that is still lingering from a completely separate situation or conversation. Stay aware of your emotions to make sure that your body and voice match your words. If they don’t, explain why so people don’t get mixed signals

Question 6

Remember the little things that pack a punch (RM)

Answer 6

Add back some old-fashioned good manners into the way you talk if you’re not already in the habit of saying the little things like “please,” “thank you,” and “I’m sorry”

Question 7

Take feedback well (RM)

Answer 7

Appreciate the feedback you get, and be mindful of your response. Ask for examples in order to really understand what is being said, and thank the person for the feedback. It’s hard to give feedback as well as get it. Many of the previous points apply; consider sleeping on the feedback, or making an emotion vs. reason list

Question 8

Build trust (RM)

Answer 8

Start the trust-building process by being the first person to “be open” and share something about yourself. I’ll directly quote the authors for the steps to continue building trust: “Open communication; willingness to share; consistency in words, actions, and behavior over time; and reliability in following through on the agreements of the relationship.

Question 9

Have an “open door” policy (RM)

Answer 9

It is healthy to express anger in a way that communicates you have strong feelings, or that a situation is serious. Use anger sparingly and purposefully, instead of letting it control you. Again, the authors suggest putting pen to paper; write down things that make you angry, from the minor annoyances to the things that make you explode. Specifically define the degree of anger in each situation that would improve the relationship. If it’s not possible, anger isn’t appropriate for the situation

Question 10

Don’t avoid the inevitable (RM)

Answer 10

When you’re faced with a situation you don’t like, don’t withdraw; it will only make things worse. Apply your EQ skills to find something that helps you through the situation or improves it

Question 11

Acknowledge the other person’s feelings (RM)

Answer 11

Accept others’ right to experience their emotions without either pushing those feelings aside or making them a big deal. Respect the right to those feelings, even if you don’t agree with the feelings themselves. Listen and repeat back what you’ve heard to show your understanding and concern

Question 12

Complement the other person’s emotions or situations (RM)

Answer 12

We often have a tendency to reflect the other person’s emotions, but responding to anger with anger, for example, will only make things worse. Take the time to consider some past situations you’ve experienced, and think about when someone else acted in a way that complemented your emotions, making the interaction a pleasant one

Question 13

Explain your decisions, don’t just make them (RM)

Answer 13

People need to understand why a decision was made in order to support it. Take the time to verbalize your decision process, including what the alternatives were and why you made the decision you did. Seek input before the decision if possible, and always acknowledge the effects of your decision. The authors suggest looking through your calendar to identify your next three upcoming decisions, consider who will be affected, prepare explanations, etc

Question 14

Make your feedback direct and constructive (RM)

Answer 14

The key to giving good feedback is to consider the person who is receiving the feedback, and to adapt your approach accordingly. Take the time to consider the person beforehand

Question 15

Align your intention with your impact (RM)

Answer 15

Times when your impact didn’t align with your intention will give you clues about the areas of your EQ you can improve. Think about times when you unintentionally caused hard feelings, or relationships that seem illogically strained

Question 16

Tackle a tough conversation (RM)

Answer 16

Tough conversations will come up no matter how high your EQ is. The authors offer a six-part approach to managing them better:

Start the discussion with common ground.
Ask the other person to help you understand how he or she feels.
Don’t defend your point of view until you’ve heard the other person’s perspective.
Then help the other person understand your side - your reasoning, your feelings, etc. Apologize, if appropriate, for the difficulty of the situation.
Move the conversation forward once what can be said has been said. Obtain agreement on next steps.
Follow up concerning what you’ve discussed at a later time as a means of genuinely addressing the issues