Elf The Musical - Jovie’s Lines Flashcards
Buddy: She is? I love nuts! Hi. I’m Buddy the Elf and we’re going to have fun together.
Jovie: Hi. I’m Jovie the elf and I seriously doubt it. Enjoying the view?
Buddy: Yes. You’re very pretty. Like a glittery angel. I’d like to stick you on top of the tree!
Jovie: Classy. You know what? I’m not a Christmas person, so dial down the elf speak, okay?
Buddy: Uh oh. Sounds like someone needs to sing a Christmas Carol! Don’t you know, the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear!
Jovie: I don’t sing.
Buddy: PICK UP EVERY ORNAMENT THAT’S SITTING, WAITING ON A SHELF
WHILE YOU’RE BUSY DECORATING WHY NOT DECORATE YOURSELF?
SOON YOU’LL BRING A SMILE TO EVERY PERSON YOU SEE
Jovie: I’m sparkle-twinkle-jolly-what?
Manager: Whatever turns your crank, Buddy.
Jovie: Good night.
Buddy: Hey, wait a second. Would somebody like a hug?
Jovie: No, would somebody like a punch in the throat?
Buddy: No.
Jovie: So, good night.
Buddy: Wait. Do you… wanna eat food?
Jovie: Do I want to eat food?
Buddy: Um-hmm. You know…
Jovie: Are you asking me out on a date?
Buddy: Yes, right, that’s it. A date!
Jovie: Oh, you don’t want to go out with me.
Buddy: Yes, I do!
Jovie: No, you don’t.
Buddy: Yes, I do! [second time]
Jovie: Why?
Buddy: Well, because I like you. I feel warm when I’m around you. And, um, my tongue swells up.
Jovie: Your tongue swells up?
Buddy: Yeth, it doth. See?
Jovie: Well, it’s weirdly nice that I make your tongue swell up, but I just don’t see this date happening.
Buddy: Oh, of course. I’m sure you already have a date tonight. Obviously. You probably have guys wanting to eat food with you all the time. Lunch, dinner.…I bet you have a different guy for breakfast every morning. It was dumb of me to ask.
Jovie: What the hell. I’m free Thursday.
Buddy: Thursday? Thursday! Yesss!!! This is going to be the best Thursday ever in the history of Thursdays!
Jovie: You know what? I find if you lower your expectations in life, you avoid a lot of disappointment. She starts to leave and notices he isn’t moving. Don’t you have a home to go to?
Buddy: Sure. I have a home to go. A nice home, with a big bed. And walls and a ceiling and everything. I’m just going to stay here and put up a little more tinsel.
Jovie: Seriously? Okay. Well. Good night.
Buddy: How did you like your dinner?
Jovie: Greasy souvlaki on a stick is not dinner.
Buddy: But it’s the world’s best souvlaki.
Jovie: No. It’s the world’s crappiest souvlaki. She drops it in the trash and apologizes to the gender. Sorry.
Vendor: No. Thank you for the feedback. I’ll go home right now and change the sign.
Jovie: Look, how about we just call it a night?
Buddy: No! We’ve still got so much to do on our date. It’s too early to take you home and get you into bed. Oh! How about dancing?
Jovie: Uh, no…
Buddy: Take it, Jovie!
Jovie: I am so not going to take that.
Buddy: Thank you. This one’s a little flat.
Jovie: you are amazing on those things!
Buddy: Well, I used to be in a band; it was me on bells, Charlie on toy piano and Tiara on lead vocals and glockenspiel. We had a good thing going there for a while, but then Charlie started hitting the syrup pretty hard and we had to call it quits. Those were crazy, crazy days. Hey, did I tell you? You look miraculous.
Jovie: Miraculous, huh? Okay, Well you look miraculous to. That elf got up made you look incredibly dorky.
Buddy: Thanks!
Jovie: That wasn’t a compli—
Buddy: I know! It’s the night before the night before Christmas. Let’s do something Christmas–y!
Jovie: You want Christmas–y? Okay. Follow me!
Buddy: Oh! Let’s go skating!
Jovie: I’m not a very good skater
Buddy: That’s okay, neither am I. Santa says I am a hazard. He calls me “Edward Scissor feet.“
Jovie: Stop. Let’s make a pact. If you try to be less elf-y, I’ll try to be less crabby.
Buddy: Okay. I’d like it if you’d be less crabby.
Jovie: I came here last year too, my first Christmas in New York.
Buddy: Oh, where’d you come from?
Jovie: L.A.
Buddy: L.A.? Never heard of that place. I don’t think Santa goes there.
Jovie: He doesn’t. Christmases there are surreal. No snow.
Buddy: No snow?!?
Jovie: I’ve never even seen snow. I’ve always wanted to.
Buddy: That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.
Jovie: Yeah, I’ve been here for almost two years and it hasn’t snowed once. You know, when I was a kid I dreamed of having a snowy Christmas Eve dinner at Tavern on the Green with Billy Crystal. That sounds so stupid.
Buddy: No it doesn’t! Who’s Billy Crystal? He sounds magical.
Jovie: He’s an actor. He was in my favorite movie of all time: “City Slickers”. Anyways, last year I spent Christmas Eve in a 400 square foot studio apartment with no heat binge watching “Gilmore Girls” on Netflix. Sad, huh?
Buddy: You know what? We are going to have Christmas Eve Dinner at Tavern on the Green!
Jovie: I don’t think so. For one thing, it’s been closed for months. It just re-opened, now it’s even harder to get in.
Buddy: My dad can get us a table! He can do anything!
Jovie: Buddy, don’t promise things you can’t deliver.
Buddy: Jovie, I will make your dream come true. I promise.
Jovie: Wow, I might actually have a real Christmas.
Buddy: You see? You do have Christmas Spirit!
Jovie: I guess I do. A little.
Buddy: Now you have to spread it around and remember the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.
Jovie: I told you, I don’t sing.
Buddy: What do you mean, you don’t sing?
Jovie: I mean I don’t sing for anyone, at anytime, under any circumstances, and that includes birthdays, Bar Mitzvahs and especially Christmas. Okay?
Buddy: COME ON, JOVIE, SINGING CAN BE EASY
Jovie: Please stop.
Buddy: IT’S FUN, IT’S FREE AND BEST OF ALL IT’S…
Jovie: Totally cheesy?
Buddy: IT’S JUST LIKE TALKING ONLY YOU SUSTAIN IT AND MAKE IT SOUND PRETTY
Jovie: No.
Buddy: …BY SINGING LOUD FOR ALL TO HEAR
Jovie: People are staring.
Buddy: Jovie! I know you are super mad right now. (noticing her dress) Wow. You look more miraculous than ever.
Jovie: And you look….seasonally appropriate.
Buddy: Thanks!
Jovie: You are two and a half hours late.
Buddy: I have a really good explanation.
Jovie: Go ahead.
Buddy: I forgot about our date.
Jovie: That’s your explanation? You forgot?
Buddy: I remembered it eventually, but for a long time I forgot, which is why I’m late. Oh! Is this Tavern on the Green? With all the lights? Pretty.
Jovie: Yes, I’m sure some lucky couple had a wonderful evening sitting at our table.
Buddy: No they didn’t.
Jovie: Why not?
Buddy: Because we didn’t have a table. I was going to ask my Dad to get us one—
Jovie: But you forgot.
Buddy: No. I remembered, but he got really mad at me for making it snow in his office—
Jovie: Stop. Just. Stop. I can’t take any more of your crazy stories.
Buddy: But it’s true! And, oh, Jovie, I am so, so sorry I ruined your Christmas dream.
Jovie: Forget it. It’s my fault. I knew you couldn’t get a table. But still, I got all dressed up and came here. And then an hour went by, then another hour and I waited. I didn’t leave. Why? Because our date on Thursday was the only good time I’ve had in the last year and a half. How sad is that?
Buddy: That is sad. But it’s nice, too.
Jovie: I just thought that if anyone could give me a real Christmas it would be you.
“Lower your expectations, so you don’t get disappointed”. I should have that
tattooed on my forehead.
Buddy: Jovie I feel so bad about this, sick in my stomach, like I swallowed a zillion sticks of Juicy Fruit. The last thing in the whole wide world I wanted to do was hurt you.
Jovie: I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I’m cold, and my feet are killing me in these
heels…
Buddy: Can I just give you a Christmas present?
Jovie: This is the worst possible time—
Buddy: … Keep it, and look at it later when you’re not furious. It’s real special. I mean, I know you’re not going to believe me, but Santa Claus gave it to me when I left the North Pole.
Jovie: Oh, Buddy. I so, so wish that were true.
Buddy: …Everybody! Sing! Sing! Anybody?
Jovie: [A Christmas Song Reprise first verse] Come on people! Get into it!
Buddy: Jovie? You’re here! I thought you were mad at me.
Jovie: I was, but then you made it snow!
Walter: Shhh! Buddy! You’ll wake the baby!
Jovie: It’s okay, papa Hobbs. The baby loves Buddy’s singing!
