Defensiveness / Judgment

Question 1

You’re treating me like a child -Safety

Answer 1

When your wife feels you’re treating her like a child, it’s important to validate her feelings and reassure her that it’s not your intention. You can acknowledge her independence and capabilities while also expressing your concerns for her safety. Here’s a way you could respond

“I’m sorry if it came across that way, that wasn’t my intention. I know you’re perfectly capable of taking care of yourself. I just worry because I care about you and want you to be safe, especially in a new environment. Let’s figure out together how we can make sure you’re safe while you’re there.”

Question 2

When she tells me guys hit on her

Answer 2

1. Express empathy: Acknowledge that the situation she described was uncomfortable and that you understand why she felt that way.
2. Validate her feelings: Let her know that her feelings of discomfort are valid and that it’s understandable for her to feel that way.
3. Appreciate her handling of the situation: Acknowledge and appreciate the way she handled the other attendee’s advances, such as by gracefully extricating herself from the situation.
4. Offer reassurance: Reassure her that you trust her judgment and ability to handle such situations, and that you are there to support her if she needs it.
5. Discuss boundaries: If appropriate, discuss boundaries in your relationship and how you both can support each other in maintaining them.

It’s important to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding, listening to her perspective and feelings without judgment.

Question 3

You’re treating me like a child- Say Rachel’s name

Answer 3

“I know I’ve apologized for this before, and I’m genuinely trying to stop this habit. I understand it’s upsetting, and I’m committed to getting it right.” This
Support: Begin by showing support for your wife’s feelings or situation. For example, “I understand this situation is frustrating for you.”

Empathy: Show empathy by acknowledging her perspective. For instance, “I can see why you might feel that way.

Question 4

You’re judging me

Answer 4

1. Acknowledge her feelings: Start by acknowledging her perspective and feelings. For example, you could say, “I understand that my reaction might have made you feel judged, and I’m sorry for that.”
2. Clarify your intentions: Explain that your interpretation was about your feelings and not a judgment of her. You could say, “When you said that, I interpreted what I heard differently, but that was about my own thoughts and insecurities, not a reflection on you.”
3. Express empathy: Show empathy by expressing that you understand why she might have felt hurt or judged. For example, you could say, “I can see how my reaction could have come across that way, and I’m sorry for any hurt it caused.”
4. Reassure her: Reassure her of your love and respect for her. Let her know that you value her and that your intention is always to understand and support each other.

Question 5

Responding to her feelings before defensive

Answer 5

Accept her feelings without defensiveness. I hear you saying….. Slow down