Close Relationships Lecture

Question 1

Men vs Women and Love

Answer 1

Men: Fall In love more quickly, more love at first sight
Women: more companionate, friendship based and pragmatic

Question 2

Sternbergs triangle Theory

Answer 2

Passion: Sexually attracted to them, heart beating.
Intimacy: knowing about them, their background.
Commitment: Staying in a long term relationship.
These things can be present independently

Question 3

Physical Markers of Love

Answer 3

Hormonal markers (first 3 is initial attraction, last two is long-term attachment)

• Adrenaline: Heart racing, sweating
• Dopamine: Intense rush of pleasure, need for sleep or food.
• Serotonin
• Oxytocin: attachment, breastfeeding, orgasm
• Vasopressin: bonds, jealousy

Question 4

What makes good relationships?

Answer 4

1. Evolutionary Theory
2. Attachment Theory
3. Social Exchange Theory

Question 5

Evolutionary Theory

Answer 5

-Sexual Selection
-Reproduction is costly for women. Want to find a quality partner
-Reproduction is not costly for men. Want to find quantity strategy
Men more jealous about women potentially having sex with someone else. Women more jealous about men potentially having an emotional commitment with someone else

Question 6

Attachment Theory (love)

Answer 6

With our parents - The kinds of bonds we form early in life influence the kinds of relationships we form as adults

• Secure Attachment: 70% caregiver is responsive, trust and express positive emotions
• Avoidant Attachment: 20% Caregivers are distant
• Insecure/Anxious Attachment:10% Caregiver is inconsistent and overbearing with affection

Question 7

Social Exchange Theory (love)

Answer 7

-Stay happy as long as reward/cost ratio exceeds what you feel you deserve
-More likely to stay the more investments have been made
-Investments: anything people have put into a relationship that they risk losing if they leave (house, pet)
Equity Theory: Fairness is important. Own rewards= partners rewards/ own costs and partners costs
-Inequitable relationships: over benefited or under benefited
-Exchange relationships: Short term
-Communal Relationships: Long term, close friends, romantic partners.

Question 8

Maintaining Long Term Relationships - Rustbelts Model

Answer 8

• Satisfaction, Quality of Alternatives and investments all lead to commitment which further leads to relationship stability
• Not just satisfaction that matters when predicting things like divorce

Question 9

Maintaining Long Term Relationships - Positivity Bias and Similarity Bias

Answer 9

Positivity Bias: idealization of relationships and partners

• Think your partner has better looks, humour and behavior than they actually do
• Seeing virtues in faults “yes, but..”
• Ex. Husband rating me more attractive than I would rate myself

Similarity Bias

• Perceiving partner to be overly similar to yourself
• Effects: More closeness and intimacy, more marital satisfaction
• Possible risk.. Transparency illusion: when you think your partner knows your feelings. Ex. That you don’t want to talk when you come home from a bad day at work.

Question 10

Promises in Relationships

Answer 10

• People who score high on positive feelings for their partner- promised a lot more thus there was a higher gap between promises and behaviours
• People who keep their promises more- people who score high on conscientiousness measures

Question 11

Relationship Problems- Gottmans 4 Horsemen

Answer 11

• Criticims:
• Contempt: disgust
• Defensiveness: “ the problem is not me, its you”
• Stonewalling: Partner tunes out.

Question 12

Relationship Problems (Boredom & Dissolution/Divorce

Answer 12

Boredom (Harasymchuk)
-Absence of positivity NOT the presence of negativity
-Relationship Dissolution / Divorce :
-50 percent of people get divorced before their 30 year anniversary
-Cultural changes in divorce acceptance
-Gender roles changing
Social mobility
-Double income families: work-life balance more difficult

Question 13

3 Theories about pathways to divorce

Answer 13

• Enduring Dynamics Model: problems from the start
• Emergent Distress model: problems start after marriage
• Disillusionment Model: initial idealistic views of marriage- disappointment and love fading

Question 14

Post Relationships

Answer 14

Attachment to the ex tends to be bad for coping with breakup:
-Sadness, sexual pursuit of ex, breakup distress etc.

Question 15

Why good relationships are important

Answer 15

• Happiness, make sacrifices for partner, continuing of relationship, more accommodating to conflicts,
• Get sick less often, heal faster,