Chapter Thirteen - Hurting the Ones We Love

Question 1

Relational Transgression

Answer 1

Occur when people violate implicit or explicit relational rules

Question 2

Deception

Answer 2

Intentionally managing verbal or nonverbal messages so the receiver will believe or understand something in a way the sender knows is false.

Question 3

Hurtful Messages

Answer 3

Words that elicit psychological pain

Question 4

How do people respond to hurtful messages?

Answer 4

1. Active Verbal Response (confront partner about it).
2. Acquiescent (hurt so you give in to partner request:”fine, I won’t see him again”).
3. Invulnerable Response (pretend not to care).

Question 5

What are the types of deception?

Answer 5

Lies, Equivocation (ambiguous response), Concealment. Exaggeration, and Understatement.

Question 6

What are the motives of deception?

Answer 6

Maintaining relationship, Managing Face, Negotiating Dialectical Tension (need for autonomy-connection), Establishing Relational Control, and Continuing Deception.

Question 7

What are some effects of deception in relationships?

Answer 7

> Lead to conflict and relationship breakup
May help couples avoid arguments, promoting relational harmony
Tension between honesty and image (online dating)
People who use deception frequently in relationships report lower levels of commitment, intimacy, and closeness

Question 8

What are the types of infidelity?

Answer 8

1. Sexual - engaging in sexual activity with someone other than one’s long-term partner.
2. Emotional - emotional involvement with another person to the extent that emotional resources such as romantic love, time, & attention are diverted to that person instead of the main partner.
3. Communicative - engaging in sexual activity to communicate a message to one’s partner.
4. Online - romantic or sexual contact facilitated by Internet use that is considered to violate relationship rules regarding faithfulness.

Question 9

Evolutionary Hypothesis for Infidelity

Answer 9

predicts that men should get more upset over sexual infidelity than emotional infidelity; women should get more upset over emotional infidelity than sexual infidelity

Question 10

Double-Shot Hypothesis for Infidelity

Answer 10

both men and women get most upset when their partners have engaged in both sexual AND emotional infidelity

Question 11

Jealousy

Answer 11

Thoughts and feelings about losing something you value, such as a good relationship, due to interference from a rival.

Question 12

Romantic Jealousy

Answer 12

When people believe that a third party threatens the existence or quality of their primary love relationship.

Question 13

Envy

Answer 13

When you want something someone else has.

Question 14

Rivalry

Answer 14

Competing against someone for something you both want, but neither of you have.

Question 15

Primary Appraisal

Answer 15

General evaluations about the existence and quality of rival relationships, including the degree of threat from the third party.
Example: “Is Ava still in love with Jack?”

Question 16

Secondary Appraisal

Answer 16

Involve more specific evaluations of the jealous situation, including possible causes and outcomes > Assess motives, Compare self to rival, evaluate alternatives, and assess potential loss.

Question 17

What are two Constructive Responses to jealousy?

Answer 17

1. Integrative communication: direct and nonaggressive communication to problem solve about the jealousy.
2. Compensatory restoration: behavior aimed @ improving the relationship or self to show the partner how good they have it compare to the rival.

Question 18

What are three Destructive Responses to jealousy?

Answer 18

1. Negative Communication: aggressive & passive aggressive communication (arguing, being rude)
2. Counter-jealousy Induction: trying to make partner jealous, too.
3. Violent Communication: threats & actual violence (hitting, shoving).

Question 19

What are two Avoidant Responses to jealousy?

Answer 19

1. Silence: decreasing conversation.

2. Denial: pretending not to be jealous.

Question 20

What are four Rival-Focused responses to jealousy?

Answer 20

1. Signs of possession: publicly displaying partnership.
2. Derogating Competitor: cast rival in a bad light.
3. Surveillance: seek info about rival relationship.
4. Rival contact: partner talks to rival.

Question 21

Unrequited Love

Answer 21

A situation involving a would-be lover who wants to initiate or intensify a romantic relationship and a rejector who does not.

Question 22

Obsessive Relational Intrusion

Answer 22

Unwanted behaviors that invade someone’s privacy and that are used for the purpose of trying to get close to someone; ranges from annoying to stalking/violent.

Question 23

Relationship Goal Pursuit Theory

Answer 23

Idea that people expend energy to develop or reinitiate relationships to the extent that they perceive a relationship is desirable and attainable.
Concepts: Goal Linking,Self Efficacy, Rumination & Affective Flooding, & Rationalization