Chapter Fourteen - Healing the Hurt

Question 1

Investment Model of Relationship-Maintaining Behavior

Answer 1

The perspective that commitment leads people to use behaviors that help them maintain their relationships even when problems or dissatisfaction occur. This model is an extension of the original investment model which focuses on how satisfaction, investments, & alternatives predict commitment.

Question 2

Investment

Answer 2

Resources that become attached to a relationship and would be lost if the relationship were to end.

Question 3

Satisfaction is highest…

Answer 3

When people are in rewarding relationships that exceed their expectations; 2 things:

1. Rewards > Costs &
2. Reward-to-cost ratio/outcome must be better than expected.

Question 4

What are the 5 pro-relational Behaviors?

Answer 4

Deciding to Remain, Accommodating Partner, Derogating Alternatives, Willingness to Sacrifice, & Perceiving Relationship Superiority

Question 5

Model of Accommodation

Answer 5

A model that describes how people respond to problems or dissatisfying events in their relationships using neglect, exit, voice, or loyalty.

Question 6

What are the 2 passive and destructive behaviors of accommodation?

Answer 6

1. Neglect: standing by and letting conditions in the relationship get worse (ignoring or spending less time w/partner)
2. Punishment: trying to balance the relationship by engaging on negative behaviors that might lead partner to act to restore closeness (sulking, pouting)

Question 7

What are the 2 active and destructive behaviors of accommodation?

Answer 7

1. Exit: behaviors used to decrease closeness or end a relationship (getting a divorce, moving out)
2. Antisocial Communication: communication that is hostile or disruptive to the relationship (insults/yelling)

Question 8

What are the 2 active and constructive behaviors of accommodation?

Answer 8

1. Voice: talking about the problem, seeking help, & changing negative behaviors.
2. Prosocial Behavior: reestablishing closeness and connection over problem solving.

Question 9

What is the 1 passive and constructive behavior of accommodation?

Answer 9

Loyalty: waiting for positive change by hoping things will improve, standing by partner during difficult times, and supporting the partner in the face of criticism.

Question 10

What are some remedial strategies (attempts to correct problem, restore face, or repair relationship) that people engage in post transgression?

Answer 10

Apologies/Concessions, Appeasement, Explanations, Denial, Avoidance, and Relationship Talks.

Question 11

Forgiveness

Answer 11

A relational process with four characteristics:
(1) acknowledgement of harmful conduct, (2) an extension of underserved mercy, (3) an emotional transformation, and (4) relationship renegotiation

Question 12

Acknowledgment of Harmful Conduct Stage

Answer 12

One or both partners acknowledge that there has been a wrongdoing

Question 13

Extension of Undeserved Mercy

Answer 13

The hurt person must make a decision to extend mercy to their partner, to forgive them.

Question 14

Emotional Transformation

Answer 14

Allows hurt individuals to let go of negative feelings, resist negative impulses (get revenge), and employ positive communication (talking through issues calmly).

Question 15

Relationship Renegotiation

Answer 15

Forgiveness entails renegotiating the nature of a relationship including rules and expectations for future behaviors.

Question 16

5 ways people communicate forgiveness

Answer 16

1. Explicit forgiveness (“I forgive you”)
2. Nonverbal Display (hugging)
3. Discussion (acknowledging & talking thru transgression)
4. Minimizing (“It’s no biggie”)
5. Conditional Forgiveness (“I forgive you but only if X”)

Question 17

Forgiveness is dependent on which two factors?

Answer 17

1. Seriousness of the Transgression (People are less forgiving when a transgression is especially serious)
2. Relationship & Partner Characteristics (People are more likely to forgive their partners when they are in high-quality relationships with a rewarding partner)