Chapter 6 Notes Flashcards
What can unequal power do to relationships?
It affects self-esteem
it inhibits satisfaction,love, and sharing of feelings
it encourages/manipulation/struggle to get or keep power
The ability or potential to impose one’s will on other people- to get them to think, feel or do something they would not ordinarily have done.
power
Six Types of Power in a Relationship
-Based of the fear thar your partner will inflict punishment. Emotional/physical
coercive
Six Types of Power in a Relationship:
based on the belief that your agreement with your partner will elicit rewards from that partner.
ex. husband picks up after himself in expectation of being praised
reward
Six Types of Power in a Relationship:
“You’re the boss in this area”- based on your opinion that your partner has specialized knowledge
ex. wife defers to her husband on financial matters, even though she may actually pay bills.
expert
Six Types of Power in a Relationship:
-based on your partner’s having the right to ask you and your having the duty to comply.
legitimate
Six Types of Power in a Relationship:
is based on your identifying with and admiring your spouse and receiving satisfaction by pleasing him or her.
ex: wife gets involved in the politics her husband is involved in to learn more about them.
referent
Six Types of Power in a Relationship:
- is persuasive; your are persuade by your partner that what he or she wants is in your best interst.
ex. going to church-morally good example for the children
informational
What is closeness in any intimate relationship?
close and cooperative
What is independence in any intimate relationship?
personal autonomy (may have disagreement/conflict with that person
the process of interaction that results, when the behavior of one person interferes with the behavior of another
conflict
unconscious suppression of feelings of anger, so that they are expressed in other ways
repressed anger
saving up, or putting in a imaginary sack, grievances until spills over (overreacting, depression)
gunnysacking
the person places emotional reactions other than the real conflict source.
displacement
the expression of anger indirectly rather than directly.
ex: sarcasm, nagging, nit pick, or procrastination
passive aggression
you either ignore your partner or verbally say that things are all right while sending nonverbal signals that they are not.
silent treatment
blaming one particular family member for nearly everything that goes wrong in that family
scapegoating
when on partner, perhaps using sarcasm, constantly criticizes or denies the others definition of reality, diminishing the other’s self-esteem
gaslighting
the airing of differences that bring partners closer together-builds self-esteem.
- conflict helps to clarify differences
- conflict keeps small issues from becoming big ones
- conflict can improve relationship-enhance self-confidence
positive conflict
What are the five most important needs for a women?
1) affection
2) conversation
3) honesty and openness
4) financial support
5) family commitment
What are the five most important needs for a men?
1) sexual fulfillment
2) recreating companionship
3) physical attraction
4) domestic support
5) admiration
In Household Task, What is the second shift?
the house work and child care that employed women do after returning home from their jobs.
In Household Tasks, What is management?
who organizes task
In Household Tasks, What is schedules?
if something needs to be done who determines its priority.
ex: car repaired, cable installed, etc.
In Household Tasks, What is standards?
who determines the standard of equality
Money presents secrecy is?
how much do each of your make
Money represents Power is____________
one works the other doesn’t
Money represents value systems is________________.
one saves the does not
is believing that your partner is supportive and honest
Trust
is faithfulness to the marriage vows that both partners swore to
Fidelity
Which person gets to decide what to do is what type of conflict?
Power: The Issue of Control
Conflict over who take care of whom is what kind of conflict?
Nurturance
Conflict over aloneness versus interaction is example of what conflict?
Privacy
Coping with offspring is what type of conflict
Children
Variation in preferences. Temperaments, and Tastes is an example of what type of conflict?
Differences in Style
you are assertive and uncooperative viewing conflict as a war in which you force your way in order to win. High concern for self, low concern for others
competing
you’re unassertive and uncooperative deny there is a problem
parallel
you are unassertive but cooperative there is a problem
accommodating
you are some what assertive but you are cooperative. solution may not benefit you both
compromising
you have a great deal of concern about advancing interest but also those of your partner
collaborating
What are the five rules of fighting fair and preserving your relationship?
1) attack problems, not your partner and avoid negativity
2) focus on specific issues, use “I feel” language and avoid mixed messages
3) be sensitive about timing and place
4) say what you mean, do not lie or manipulate and ask for what you want
5) let your partner know that you’re listening-really listening- and work toward resolution
messages sent outside the spoken word.
nonverbal communication
What are the five kinds of nonverbal communication?
1) Interpersonal Space- american culture is 3-4 feet
2) Eye Contact
3) Facial Expressions
4) Body Movement
5) Touch
What is the three purposes of eye contact?
1) signal the state the purpose
2) can express emotion
3) gazing signifies interest or attention
The uses of nonverbal communication:
-It can complement our words____________
i love you and hug you
The uses of nonverbal communication:
It can contradict our words________.
I love you but look away
The uses of nonverbal communication:
It can accent our words________.
Touching while saying “I love you”
The uses of nonverbal communication:
It can repeat our words________.
first message, I love you, a little while later you send the 2nd message by squeezing their hand
The uses of nonverbal communication:
It can substitute for our words__________.
blow a kiss
The uses of nonverbal communication:
It can help regulate our communication_______.
head nods,shrugging your shoulders, raising your hand to speak
seeking closeness is an example of________.
For women,Life is Intimacy
aimed at gaining rapport or intimacy is an example of________.
Women engaged in “Rapport Talk”
Women talk about________
Leisure activities
members of the opposite sex
pressure independence and avoid failure. Establish power and status is an example of_________.
For men, Life is a contest-seeking status
aimed primarily at conveying information is an example of_______.
men engage in “report talk”
What men talk about?
leisure activities, sports
Men’s speech is abstract, authoritative, and dominant_______.
they use assertive, forceful, and direct terms. Dominate conversation (longer, and more frequently) and interrupt other speakers
an ongoing cycle in which the wife frequently gives negative verbal expression which causes the husband to withdraw
The “Female-Demand/Male Withdraw Pattern”
People who are always agreeable but act helpless.
ex: whatever makes you happy, dear
Placating
people who try to put the responsibility for any problem on someone else
Blaming
People who pretend to be reasonable and not reveal their feelings bc they find emotions threatening
computing
people avoid disclosing relevant feelings, so they never discuss a problem but instead change the subject
distracting
expresses that your partner is inferior or undesirable
Contempt (eye-rolling)
making disapproving judgements or evaluations about your partner
criticism
not listening but rather defending yourself against a presumed attack.
defensiveness
refusing to listen to your partner particularly his or her complaints
stonewalling
is challenging your partner’s power and authority
ex: who dies and elected you God?
Belligerence
the primary predictor of marital dissatisfaction for wives was the husband’s hostile responsiveness
Hostility
the predictor of unhappiness for husbands was their wives withdrawl
- avoidance of intimacy
- avoidance of conflict
- angry withdrawal
Withdrawal
telling another person deep personal information and feelings about yourself
self-disclosure
consists of being specific, authentic, and transparent about how you feel, especially about matters in your relationship that create conflict or hurt
leveling
The Guide to Effective Communication is_______
1) Create an environment that gives communication high priority and valves others’ view points
2) share power and hopes
3) Be specific, honest, and kind: avoid brutal honesty and tough love
4) Tell your partner what you want in positive terms
