Chapter 11 - Conflict Flashcards
(30 cards)
Conflict
one’s wishes or actions actually obstruct or impede those of someone else
Why is conflict inescapable (2)
1) moods and preferences of any two people will occasionally differ.
2) certain tensions that are woven into the fabric of close relationships that will, sooner or later, always cause some strain.
Dialectics
Opposing motivations in relationships that can never be entirely satisfied
Influences on frequency of conflict (7)
-Personality
-Attachment style
-Stage of life
-Similarity
-Stress
-Sleep
-Alcohol
Most common issue that produces marital conflict
Children care/discipline
Illegitimate demands
Requests that seem unjust because they exceed the normal expectations that the partners hold for each other.
Rebuffs
one person appeals to another for a desired reaction, and the other person fails to respond as expected
Cumulative annoyances
relatively trivial events that become irritating with repetition
Social allergies
Through repeated exposure to small recurring nuisances, people may develop hypersensitive reactions of disgust and exasperation that seem out of proportion
Attributional conflict
fighting over whose explanation is right and whose account is wrong
Negative affect reciprocity
trade escalating provocations back and forth
Emotional flooding
When people become overwhelmed by high arousal and strong emotion and are unable, for a time, to think straight
Demand/Withdraw Pattern
one partner engages in demanding forms of behavior, such as complaints, criticisms, and pressures for changes, while the other partner engages in withdrawing forms of behavior, such as half-hearted involvement, changing the topic, avoiding discussion, or even walking away
2 categories of responses to dissatisfaction in close relationships (2)
-Active vs. passive
-Destructive vs. constructive
4 types of responses to dissatisfaction in close relationships
-Voice
-Loyalty
-Neglect
-Exit
Voice
behaving in an active, constructive manner by trying to improve the situation by discussing matters with the partner, changing one’s behavior in an effort to solve the problem, or obtaining advice from a friend or therapist.
Loyalty
behaving in a passive but constructive manner by optimistically waiting and hoping for conditions to improve.
Neglect
stands aside and just lets things get worse.
Exit
behaving in an actively destructive manner by leaving the partner, threatening to end the relationship, or engaging in abusive acts such as yelling or hitting.
4 types of couples in conflict
-Volatile
-Validators
-Avoiders
-Hostiles
Volatile
frequent and passionate arguments
Validators
discussions may become heated, but they frequently validate each other by expressing empathy for, and understanding of, the other’s point of view.
Avoiders
avoid confrontation, and when a conflict arises, they’re unlikely to discuss
Hostiles
couples who fail to maintain a 5-to-1 ratio of nice behavior to nasty conduct.
