Chapter 11 - Conflict

Question 1

Conflict

Answer 1

one’s wishes or actions actually obstruct or impede those of someone else

Question 2

Why is conflict inescapable (2)

Answer 2

1) moods and preferences of any two people will occasionally differ.
2) certain tensions that are woven into the fabric of close relationships that will, sooner or later, always cause some strain.

Question 3

Dialectics

Answer 3

Opposing motivations in relationships that can never be entirely satisfied

Question 4

Influences on frequency of conflict (7)

Answer 4

-Personality
-Attachment style
-Stage of life
-Similarity
-Stress
-Sleep
-Alcohol

Question 5

Most common issue that produces marital conflict

Answer 5

Children care/discipline

Question 6

Illegitimate demands

Answer 6

Requests that seem unjust because they exceed the normal expectations that the partners hold for each other.

Question 7

Rebuffs

Answer 7

one person appeals to another for a desired reaction, and the other person fails to respond as expected

Question 8

Cumulative annoyances

Answer 8

relatively trivial events that become irritating with repetition

Question 9

Social allergies

Answer 9

Through repeated exposure to small recurring nuisances, people may develop hypersensitive reactions of disgust and exasperation that seem out of proportion

Question 10

Attributional conflict

Answer 10

fighting over whose explanation is right and whose account is wrong

Question 11

Negative affect reciprocity

Answer 11

trade escalating provocations back and forth

Question 12

Emotional flooding

Answer 12

When people become overwhelmed by high arousal and strong emotion and are unable, for a time, to think straight

Question 13

Demand/Withdraw Pattern

Answer 13

one partner engages in demanding forms of behavior, such as complaints, criticisms, and pressures for changes, while the other partner engages in withdrawing forms of behavior, such as half-hearted involvement, changing the topic, avoiding discussion, or even walking away

Question 14

2 categories of responses to dissatisfaction in close relationships (2)

Answer 14

-Active vs. passive
-Destructive vs. constructive

Question 15

4 types of responses to dissatisfaction in close relationships

Answer 15

-Voice
-Loyalty
-Neglect
-Exit

Question 16

Voice

Answer 16

behaving in an active, constructive manner by trying to improve the situation by discussing matters with the partner, changing one’s behavior in an effort to solve the problem, or obtaining advice from a friend or therapist.

Question 17

Loyalty

Answer 17

behaving in a passive but constructive manner by optimistically waiting and hoping for conditions to improve.

Question 18

Neglect

Answer 18

stands aside and just lets things get worse.

Question 19

Exit

Answer 19

behaving in an actively destructive manner by leaving the partner, threatening to end the relationship, or engaging in abusive acts such as yelling or hitting.

Question 20

4 types of couples in conflict

Answer 20

-Volatile
-Validators
-Avoiders
-Hostiles

Question 21

Volatile

Answer 21

frequent and passionate arguments

Question 22

Validators

Answer 22

discussions may become heated, but they frequently validate each other by expressing empathy for, and understanding of, the other’s point of view.

Question 23

Avoiders

Answer 23

avoid confrontation, and when a conflict arises, they’re unlikely to discuss

Question 24

Hostiles

Answer 24

couples who fail to maintain a 5-to-1 ratio of nice behavior to nasty conduct.

Question 25

Ways couples end conflict (5)

Answer 25

-Domination
-Compromise
-Integrative agreements
-Structural improvement
-Separation

Question 26

Domination

Answer 26

one partner gets his or her way when the other capitulates

Question 27

Compromise

Answer 27

both parties reduce their aspirations or gradually change their goals

Question 28

Integrative agreements

Answer 28

satisfy both partners’ original goals and aspirations, usually through creativity and flexibility

Question 29

Separation

Answer 29

one or both partners withdraw without resolving the conflict

Question 30

Structural improvement

Answer 30

the partners not only get what they want but also learn and grow and make desirable changes to their relationship.