Chapter 10 - Stresses and Strains Flashcards
Relational value
the degree to which others consider their relationships with us to be valuable and important
Degrees of Acceptance and Rejection (7)
-Maximal inclusion
-Active inclusion
-Passive inclusion
-Ambivalence
-Passive exclusion
-Active exclusion
-Maximal exclusion
Maximal inclusion
Others seek us out and go out of their way to interact with us.
Active inclusion
Others want us and welcome us but do not go to lengths to be with us.
Passive inclusion
others allow us to be included
Ambivalence
others do not care whether we are included or not
Passive exclusion
others ignore us but do not avoid us
Active exclusion
Others avoid us, tolerating our presence only when necessary
Maximal exclusion
Others banish us, send us away or abandon us
Perceived relational value
Our perception (regardless of accuracy) of how others value their relationships to us
Does maximal exclusion feel worse than ambivalence
Not by much
Relational devaluation
apparent decreases in others’ regard for us
What is an important predictor of how people respond to potent experiences of rejection
self-esteem
Ostracism
people are given the “cold shoulder” and ignored by those around them.
how do ostracizers justify their actions? (3)
-Punish partners
-Avoid confrontation
-Calm down following a conflict
Why is ostracism so painful
-Threatens our need to belong
-Damages self-worth
-Reduces perceived control over our interactions
How do people with low self-regard handle ostracism
hang around but be spiteful
Jealousy feelings (3)
hurt, anger and fear
How does jealousy lead to hurt
perception that our partners do not value us enough to honor their commitments to our relationships
How does jealousy lead to anger
Being cast aside for someone else leads to anger at both parties
How does jealousy lead to fear
the dreadful prospect of abandonment and loss
Types of jealousy (2)
-suspicious jealousy
-reactive jealousy
Reactive jealousy
when someone becomes aware of an actual threat to a valued relationship
Suspicious jealousy
when one’s partner hasn’t misbehaved and one’s suspicions do not fit the facts at hand
How does a low CLalt affect jealousy
Makes you more prone to jealousy
Mate poaching
behavior that is intended to lure someone away from an existing relationship at least for one night
What makes a mate poacher likely to succeed?
If they are already our friends
How to cope with jealousy
separate exclusivity of relationship from our sense of self worth
Clinical approaches to treat jealousy (4)
-Reduce irrational, catastrophic thinking that exaggerates either the threat
-Enhance the self-esteem
-improve communication skills to prevent jealous misunderstandings
-increase satisfaction and fairness
Deception
intentional behavior that creates an impression in the recipient that the deceiver knows to be untrue
Techniques of deception (3)
-Half-truths
-Divert attention
-Conceal info
Reasons for lying (4)
-ward off embarrassment, guilt or obligation
-Seek approval or material gain
-Protect other’s feelings
-Advance other’s interests
Deceiver’s distrust
When people lie to others, they often begin to perceive the recipients of the lies as less honest and trustworthy as a result.
Truth bias
assume that their partners are usually telling the truth
Betrayal
disagreeable, hurtful actions by people we trusted and from whom we reasonably did not expect such treachery.
What can be considered a betrayal
any behavior that violates the norms of benevolence, loyalty, respect, and trustworthiness that support intimate relationships
Problems with revenge (3)
-partners rarely agree on the amount of retribution that’s just, can lead to a cycle of hurtful actions
-Expect revenge to be more satisfying than it is
-people who are prone to vengeance tend to be pretty sour folks who are high in negative emotionality low in agreeableness,
Forgiveness
Decision to give up your perceived/actual right to get even/hold in debt someone who has wronged you
Components of forgiveness (3)
-Contrition
-Desire to continue the relationship
-Letting go of anger
Contrition
meaningful apology and acknowledgement of wrongdoings
Forgiveness is usually only effective if
There aren’t too many transgressions
