Chapter 10: Attraction & Intimacy Flashcards
Factors Leading To Friendship/Attraction
Proximity
Physical attractiveness
Similarity
Proximity
Powerful predictor of whether any two people are friends
Students reported greater liking of a person who sat beside them in class 1
Many marry someone who works with them or lives near them
Students reported their closest friends in their building as the ones they lived nearest to
Close functional distance increases liking
Anticipation of interacting increases liking
Mere exposure (familiarity) fosters liking
Functional Distance
How often people’s paths cross
Random assigned university roommates more likely to become friends than enemies
Mere-Exposure Effect
Being exposed to different novel stimuli boosts people’s ratings of them
More times shown the nonsense word, the higher they liked it later
Familiarity fosters fondness
Physical Attractiveness in Infants/Preschoolers
Good looking-baby = moms more affectionate and playful
Less attractive baby = moms focus on other people/things
Attractive are more popular
Physical Attractiveness in Adults
Better success in dating
Get paid more
Men rank attractiveness as more important in partner
In speed dating, attractiveness was similarly important to men and women
Women’s physical attractiveness moderately good predictor of how frequently she dates, same with men
When know a person longer, focus less on physical attributes
Matching phenomenon
Physical attractiveness stereotype
Matching Phenomenon
People pair with people who are about as attractive as them
People approach others whose attractiveness matches their own more
Couples with similar attractiveness more likely to stay together or fall in love
Less attractive person in relationship often has compensating qualities
Sense of entitlement in more attractive partner
Sense of owing in less attractive partner
Physical-Attractiveness Stereotype
What is beautiful is good
Guess that beautiful people are happier, outgoing, intelligent, successful
Media promotes
Attractive people tend to be more relaxed, outgoing, and socially polished (self fulfilling prophecies)
Similarity
Likeness begets liking
Mimicry fosters fondness (subtle)
Roommates become better friends when similar
Tend to perceive those we like as more like us
Learning that we are dissimilar from someone decreases liking
Attitude alignment promotes and sustains close relationships
Ingratiation
Self serving flattery
Flatter and praise lose appeal
Passionate Love
Emotional, exciting, Intense
Love varies in cultures
Companionate Love
Enduring relationships settle here for long term
Lower key, deep, affectionate, trust
Types of Attachments
Secure
Anxious
Avoidant
Insecure
Secure Attachment
Comfortable getting close and trusting others
Better relationships
Less negative emotions and conflict
Anxious Attachment
Crave intimacy but fear other’s don’t love them
Fear abandonment
Jealous/difficult during conflict (bring up past, display more negative emotions/behaviour, derogate partner)
Avoidant Attachment
Uncomfortable getting close to others
Less invested in relationships
More likely to cheat (low commitment, deep connection scares them, not fully invested)
Less warm and supportive during conflict
Insecure Attachment
Combine anxious and avoidant
Cases with extreme trauma or neglect
Equity Principle of Attraction
What you and your partner get out of a relationship should be proportional to what you each put in
Equitable relationships more content
Self Disclosure
Self disclosure builds closeness and intimacy
We feel good about ourselves when we self disclose
Disclosure Reciprocity Effect
Disclosure begets disclosure
I reveal a little, so does other person, gradually increasing
Coping with relationship failure methods
Constructive
Loyalty: waiting for conditions to approve (passive)
Voice: seek to improve relationship (active)
Destructive
Neglect: ignore the partner and allow the relationship to deteriorate (passive)
Exit: end the relationship (active)
Destiny/Soulmate Belief
If you really love someone, you shouldn’t have to work at it
Relationship problems lead to distancing and no repair efforts
Relationships only last if they are initially satisfied
Growth/Work It Out Belief
Problems in relationship lead to active coping, re interpret event in a more positive light, low denial
Improving Relationship Strategies
Pursue novel & exciting activities
Capitalization: share positive news and respond positively
Self disclosure
Hang out with other couples
Don’t neglect other relationships
Specialization
How you spread out needs across relationships
Low specialization: all needs placed on one partner
High specialization: go to certain people for certain things
Gottman’s Four Horsemen
Criticism: of character (vs. complaint behaviour)
Contempt: communicates disgust
Defensiveness: make it your partner’s problem
Stonewalling: tune partner out
Risk Regulation Theory
Balancing self protection goals and connection goals
Only applies in context of relationship threat/conflict
HSE
Emphasis on connecting with partner over self protection
Express love and draw closer after conflict
Leads to higher relationship satisfaction
LSE
Emphasis on self protection over connecting with partner
Wait for partner to express love and distance after conflict
Undermines relationship well being
Leads to lower relationship satisfaction
