ch9 - relationships & attraction Flashcards
Why do we need relationships from an evolutionary perspective?
Romantic - to pass on offspring
Parental - to ensure kids survive past independence
Kin - Cooperation & reciprocity for survival
Do people survive better single or in relationships?
in relationships
What are the 2 fundamental kinds of relationships?
Communal relationships
Exchange relationships
Communal relationship
What cultures favour this?
A relationship in which the individuals feel a special responsibility for one another and give and receive according to the principle of need. Such relationships are often long term.
East asian
Exchange relationship
What cultures favour this?
A relationship in which individuals feel little responsibility toward one another; giving and receiving are governed by concerns about equity and reciprocity. Such relationships are short term.
Western.
Social exchange theory
A theory based on the idea that how people feel about a relationship depends on their assessments of its Costs & Benefits
Comparison level
Expectations people have about what they should get out of a relationship
Comparison level for alternatives
Expectations people have about what they can get out of available alternative relationships
Equity theory
The idea that people are motivated to pursue fairness, or equity, in their relationships, or equity, in their relationships. A relationship is considered equitable when the ratio of C&B is similar for both parties.
*Equity is less of a goal in collectivist cultures
Attachment theory
The idea that early attachments with parents & other caregivers can shape relationships for a person’s whole life.
Ainsworth’s strange situation
Infants + caregivers in room with many interesting toys
Stranger walks in, caregiver leaves
-Securely attached infants had caregivers who responded quickly & reliably to distressed cries.
-Anxiously attached infants were anxious even when parent was in room, and caregivers were less reliable in responding to infant distress, and responded inconsistently; children were less comfortable with their contact after they left
-Avoidant attached children had parents who frequently rejected their infants. The least likely to seek out the caregiver, sometimes rejecting caregiver’s attention.
Anxiety dimension of attachment
The degree to which a person is worried about rejection/abandonment by relationship partners
Avoidance dimension of attachment
The degree to which a person is comfortable with intimacy and dependence on relationship partners
Low avoidance dimension of attachment + low anxiety dimension of attachment = ?
Securely attached person.
Why are attachment styles pervasive?
What your parents teach you is what you expect
Self-fulfilling prophecy. If you are anxious to avoid rejection, you reject first.
Do attachment styles evolve?
Yes
Are attachment styles global?
No, western world mainly.
What affects attraction?
Proximity
Functional distance (proximity for attraction)
The influence of physical layout that encourages or inhibits certain activities, including contact between people.
What is the largest kind of unusual relationship formed by functional proximity
Between people of different ages & backgrounds
Mere exposure effect
The idea that repeated exposure to a stimulus, such as an object or a person, leads to greater liking of the stimulus.
What is the limit of exposures for mere exposure effect?
35x, after which your liking decreases.
What does mere exposure effect work/not work on?
Works on
paintings, photographs, geometric shapes
Doesnt work on
Auditory sounds, stimuli u initially disliked.
Why does mere exposure increase liking?
Easier to cognitively process familiar stimuli
Repeated exposure to something with no negative consequences -> comfortable attachment to it.
What kinds of similarity are most common in relationships?
non-interracial
1. demographic
2. physical
3. personality
interracial
1. personality
Why are we attracted to similar people?
-Consensual validation: affirmation of my values + attitudes.
-More confident that they will like me too
Complementarity
The tendency for people to seek out others with characteristics that are different from, and that complement, their own.
When does complementarity make sense?
When one person’s needs can be filled by the other person’s difference.
Status exchange hypothesis
Romantic attraction increases when two individuals offer each other elevated status where they themselves are lacking.
Halo effect
The common belief that attractive individuals possess a host of positive qualities beyond their physical attractiveness.
What do people assume are the only 2 drawbacks of pretty ppl (linked to halo effect)
immodest
bad parents
For which gender is attractiveness more important for survival?
Women
Beauty = power for women
Reproductive fitness
The capacity to pass one’s genes on to subsequent generations
Justification for why we like pretty people.
What makes a face attractice
Geometrical, average features, symmetrical.
Evolutionarily, what mates should men and women seek?
Women: men with resources to support their baby
Men: young women that are fertile.
What was the main hypothesis of Wood, who criticised the evolutionary idea that women seek men with resources for biological reasons
She says that wealth, similarity can explain women choosing men with resources.
In countries where there is equal power over material resources, women don’t find mates with status and economic resources as much, confirming her theory.
What are the 3 categories of love?
Companionate love (friends + family)
Compassionate love (communal relationships, linked to responding to others’ needs i.e. parents putting kids’ needs above theirs)
Romantic love (romantic partners, ‘in love’, passionate love)
What’s the timeline of feelings in a relationship
Intense passion & love at the start that ebbs into a sense of intimacy.
Investment model of commitment
A model of interpersonal relationships that maintains that there are three determinants that make partners more committed to each other
1. Relationship satisfaction
2. Few alternative partners
3. Investments into the relationship (yours, theirs. yours will increase theirs, and vice versa)
Perceived partner responsiveness
The degree to which people perceive their partners as being understanding, validating, and responsive to their needs.
Why is commitment linked to long relationships?
B/c it encourages behaviours that are good for the relationship, like sacrifice.
What kind of person is more likely to divorce?
Neurotic, anxious people
People with low self esteem
Low SES (money problems, responding to chronic stress with ‘self-protection’)
Younger people
How do people with low self esteem sabotage relationships?
By assuming if they have relationship doubts that the other person does too
By rejecting their partner ‘first’ as a defense mechanism
What are the 4 destructive behaviours that predict the end of a relationship
- Criticism
- Stonwalling
- Defensiveness
- Contempt
What construal process is detrimental to marital relationships?
- Blame (expect good things to be ‘wins’ done for selfish reasons & blame bad things on chronic partner issues)
How to create stronger bonds in a relationship?
- Conversation, focusing on the good in our lives, with enthusiasm from both parties. [western societies only]
- Being playful + silly (we misattribute our feelings of silly happiness from the activity onto our feelings for our partners)
- Idealising / finding good in your partners + them doing that to you too.
How do satisfied people idealise their partners?
- More likely to see virtue in their partners’ faults
- More likely to offer ‘yes but’ refutations of the fault (bright sides!)
