Betty, Vera and Tommy Flashcards
’Ey – Betty – listen!
Betty love … it’s Christmas.
Its only Tommy and Vera
I’ll bet y’ thought y’ were gonna have t’ fork out a few bob, eh Betty? I’ll bet that nearly ruined y’ Christmas, eh? (He laughs.)Eh?
And what’s that supposed to mean?
Take no notice of him Betty. They finished work at half-twelve today. He’s been drinkin’ ever since.
It’s still Christmas Eve, Tommy …
It’s not, is it?
Christmas begins tomorrow.
What about a little drink while we’re waitin’.
Vera replies
Tommy! Ooooooooh – Betty! You’ve got your new suite. Oh it’s really beautiful, Betty. (She sits down to test, goes into raptures.)Ooooooooh the comfort – the luxury – It’s just like sinking into a cloud.
(showing Vera a brochure)That’s because of the special air pockets, Vee. I mean, we were going to get a cheaper one but as soon as we saw this one incorporated the special Winterbred Honeycombe Air
Pockets – well, we couldn’t resist it. If you want real comfort I think it’s worth paying that bit extra.
Vera
Oh it is just like a cloud, Betty. Sit down, Tommy, try it.
Tommy
I’m frightened it might start rainin’. (He prods the suite.)What did it cost y’?
Vera
Tommy!
Tommy
I’m only askin’ Betty how much it cost.
I’ll give you a guess. Go on, Tommy, one guess. What do you think?
Well, erm – let’s see … (He makes an exaggerated fuss of this, tutting and shaking his head.)I don’t know – I mean, with goods of this nature it depends on the supplier. I mean, if it was from a shop down town – well! (Shaking his head.)But there again, if it was off the back of a lorry … At a guess Betty, I mean, I’m probably wrong, but at a guess I’d say that suite, that suite, Betty, must have cost you every penny of fifty quid. Vera
I told you a fortnight ago that Syd had to get rid of the car. I told you about his health.
Tommy
Packin’ up the car?
(postponing the unwrapping to join in)Tommy, Tommy, now you’re not tellin’ me that you’d expect your brother-in-law to drive a car in the state he’s in.
He looks the picture of health.
To an untrained eye he might do, Tommy.
Tommy
What is it that’s wrong, Syd?
Syd
(sighing and sitting down)I wish I knew, Tom.
Tommy
Well, what’s the doctor said?
The stupid doctor told him it was indigestion.
That’s what he said, Tom.
I said – there and then, indigestion my foot; that man is a walking heart condition. Look, go on Tommy, look at him. He’s in agony, agony aren’t you Syd?
Tommy
Do you think it’s wise though, Betty, making judgements over a doctor’s head.
Vera
But Betty was a nurse, Tommy.
Tommy
Sorry about the old Krooklock, Syd. See, I didn’t know you’d had to get rid of the car. If y’ need a bit of peace y’ can clamp it round Betty’s mouth.
(resuming the unwrapping of her present)My God, you’ve wrapped it up enough, Tommy.
I told y’ Betty, it’s a special present that.
Betty finally pulls off the paper to reveal a battery-operated phallic vibrator. She looks at it, not in shock but bewilderment. She does not know what it is.
Vera is silently telling Tommy off.
Tommy
(laughing)Great eh, Betty – I knew you’d like it. Great eh? (He laughs.)
It’s very nice, Tommy. Erm, what exactly is it?
‘What is it?’ You’re a case, Betty. She’s a case our Betty, isn’t she? (He laughs, nudges Vera.)It’s an electric organ, Betty.
No, seriously, what is it?
It’s a thingy, isn’t it?
What?
A vibrator?
(with a little laugh)Oh – of course. And what is it you use it for?
What?
What do you use it for?
What d’ y’ use it for?
Yes.
Well, er, y’ know, y’ use it for – well, y’ know like erm … Well, here (He grabs it off her, grabs Syd’s glass of whisky, inserts the vibrator into the whisky and switches on.)Y’ use it for mixin’ drinks. It’s a portable automatic drink mixer, a shake on a stick. Latest things these are, you know. Even our Reeny hasn’t got one of these. (1. Bet,look. 2.call a present T, Xmas shopping year, put it/ her? 3. Thirsty<drink< p@l Vera)
I’ll bet she hasn’t. Let’s have a look, Tommy.
(She tries it.)Ooooh. Now that’s what I call a present, Tommy. You should do the Christmas shopping every year. Now where shall we put it? What about here?
(She puts it on the television set among the candles; stands back and admires it.)Now come on, Syd. I’m sure everyone must be thirsty. Get us a drink will you? Port and lemon for you, Vera?
Vera Nods (after Port and lemon for you, Vera?
What about Tommy?
Have you got any beer, Betty?
Yes, Tommy, we’ve got plenty of beer.
Tommy
Come on, Syd, I’ll help you carry them. (He goes through to the kitchen.)
Syd
(following)Come on, y’ can give us a hand with this crate in the shed, Tom.
Tommy and Syd exit through the back door.
Betty sits down next to Vera
