Betty meets Tim Flashcards
Sandra
It’ll be all right. You can cope with them. Just be firm and strong. (She enters the front room, leaving Tim just out of sight in the kitchen. With a half nervous smile.)Hia. Aunty Reen, Aunty Vee, Uncle Ted. (She nods to John.)
Betty
(after a pause)Well, are you coming in or not?
I’ve – well I’ve got someone with me.
Betty
Pardon?
Sandra
I’ve got someone with me.
Betty
Where?
Sandra
In the kitchen.
Everyone cranes to see who is in the kitchen.
Betty
Who is it?
Sandra
We want a word with you and me dad. I didn’t know everyone was coming.
Betty
Well what difference does that make. This is your family. Now come on. You don’t leave people standing in the kitchen, Sandra. (To the others.)I don’t know what she’s thinking of, come on, come on.
Sandra opens the door so that Tim can enter, smiling all round.
Tim
(nodding) Hello.
Sandra
This is me mum. This is Tim.
Tim stretches out his hand to Betty.
Tim
Pleased to meet you.
Betty
Oh – well, come in Tim, and sit down. (She sits him on the settee.)You won’t know Sandra’s relations, will you? (She introduces him all round.)Now, what would you like to drink, Tim?
Tim
Beer?
Betty
Well, come on, Sandra. Get Tim a beer.
Sandra
Where is it?
Betty
It’s in the ice box, where it’s always kept, Sandra.
Sandra
You mean the fridge? (She goes out to the kitchen.)
Ted gets up to look out of the window. Tim watches him.
Betty
Ted’s just checking that his car’s still there.
Tim
Oh.
Reeny
You’ve got to be very careful these days, haven’t you?
Tim
Pardon?
Betty
Are you comfortable there, Tim?
Tim
Yes. Yes, thanks.
During the following, Sandra gets out a bottle of beer for Tim, pours it into a glass, prepares a drink for herself, then sits at the kitchen table.
Betty
I suppose Sandra’s told you all about our new suite hasn’t she?
Vera passes Tim the brochure.
Tim
Erm …(name)
Betty
What’s your second name, Tim?
Tim
McBain. Tim McBain.
Betty
McBain! (Pause.)There’s, er, there’s no – Irish blood in your family though, Tim?
Tim
Well – I don’t ….(McBain)
Betty
No – I thought …
Ted
(laughing)Hey, John, John – come over here an’ look at this …. John gets up and goes to the window.
Vera
I see you’ve got one of those college scarves …
Tim
(putting a pair of glasses on)Yes, well, I’m a student!
Betty
(thrilled)Oh, he’s a student.
Ted
Look at that pile of junk across the road. Hey, Betty, how long’s that feller opposite you been runnin’ that heap?
Betty
(to Tim)Ted knows all about cars, you know, everything. Do you have a car, Tim?
Tim
Yes, it’s just across the road.
Ted and John close the curtain and return to their seats.
Betty
Whereabouts are you from, Tim?
Tim
Well, I’m at college up here, but my home’s in Stafford.
Betty
(almost overcome)Oh – what a beautiful part of the world that is, Tim.
Tim
Yes, it’s all right.
Betty
All those hops! I think the people from Stafford are very civilized, don’t you, Tim?
Tim
Well, erm – I just don’t know really.
Reeny
Oh they are, you know. Your people are much more civilized. Tim
Are they?
Ted
Are they? Well, I’m surprised at you. You a college lad and you didn’t know that. Do you know what Northerners are called, historically speaking?
Tim
Erm …
Ted
Tell him, John.
John
Barbarians!
Ted
Bar—barians. Now! Do you know what the word barbarian means? (Fully expecting him not to.)
Tim
To be barbaric.
Ted
(after a pause)You’ve got it. He’s right. He’s right!
Betty
Our Ted could have gone to a college, you know, Tim.
Tim
Oh. Yes.
Reeny
He’s always watching the documentaries, y’know. He loves them. Don’t you, Ted?
Ted
Oh – I watch them all. See, with the documentaries – the whole – of human life – is there! We can learn from things like that, y’ see. Now last night – she – (Indicating Reeny.)– wouldn’t watch it – but I did, didn’t I, John?
John
You watched that documentary, didn’t y’, Dad?
Ted
Last night I was transported, transported from my armchair to the heart, the heart of South America! Did you see it? Did you see it yourself?
Tim
Er – no, I …
Ted
Well I did, see. An’ believe me – it was a bloody crime.
Betty
Ted! Mind your language please!
Ted
But it was, Betty – it was a crime. It told all this programme did. You saw them, the little black fellers, little, but hard as nails. Solid. Livin’ for thousands of years, never changin’ an’ perfectly happy. They, didn’t have much, agreed. But they could range – free – an’ wide over all the rivers an’ lands doin’ the things they’d always done, the things they knew an’ understood. See, see, they could cope! An’ live! because, because – everythin’ was in order! See – see what I mean?
Tim Mm. Ted (throwing up his hands)But what happened? Vera What happened, Ted? Ted I'll tell y’, Vera. Two of them sailed up the river, didn't they. Vera (as though that explains all)Oh. Ted Only a couple of them – but that was it. They were finished. Swapped a few skins for a tee shirt an’ a bag of beads. Next thing y’ know, the whole tribe's paddlin’ hell for leather up the river for tee shirts. Never got back to their own lands. All pushed together in corrugated iron sheds now. Killin’ each other for a packet of American ciggies. They just sit around all day now, in their tee shirts, not understandin’ what's going on. Pause. Vera Me an’ Tommy always used to watch (Love Thy Neighbour.)It's great!
Ted No – y’ can't beat a good documentary. An’ the one programme I never miss. (To Tim.)Do y’ know what that is? Tim shakes his head. Ted Tell him, John. John University Challenge. Ted (to Tim)I admire him, you know. Have you met him? Tim Who? Ted Bamber! Bamber Gascoigne. He's a clever lad, y’ know. The questions he dreams up!
Tim
(half laughing)But – but, you don’t think he makes up the questions? He doesn’t think them up.
Pause.
Betty
Oh, I think you could be wrong there, Timothy. If y’ don’t mind me saying.
Tim
No. The questions come from the …
Betty
You can mix the drinks for you and Sandra. (She grabs the vibrator and hands it to Tim.)
Tim’s look is of sheer horror. He looks around for help. They all look at him.
Betty
Come on, John. Lets have some of those records on. Lets have this. Some nice Christmas songs (she takes an album and goes to the radiogram) Do you like pop music, Tim? (She puts the needle on) Right, now what about a drink for everyone?
Betty goes into the kitchen to prepare drinks. From the radiogram comes the song ‘Wombling Merry Christmas’. They all listen to it, tapping feet, nodding heads, smiling, except Tim and Sandra – who glares. Betty returns with the drinks, including a Coca-Cola with a straw for Vera.
Sandra
(over the record)Tim’s got something to tell you, Mother.
Tim terrified, shakes his head at Sandra. Betty joins in the nodding and tapping, mumbling at the Wombling Song.
Sandra
Mother, I said Tim’s got something to tell you.
Betty
(still wombling)What’s that, Tim?
