Act 2 Flashcards

1
Q

Ken: my what?

A

Me: your fork scraping your plate.

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2
Q

Ken: I can make out voices now. Just a little here and there

A

Me: you think I can have another cigarette?

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3
Q

Ernie: why didn’t I see it? People running up and down stairs no one answering the door cans of shaving cream exploding. I’m on the staff of Bellevue hospital. How could I believe such a story? You never let on.

A

Me: listen I was so desperate for a smoke I went into Charlie’s bathroom and tried to light up a Q-tip.

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4
Q

Cookie: Don’t you have any self control?

A

Me: Of course. I only smoked half. Something’s wrong with Ken.

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5
Q

Ernie: Lenny, don’t.

A

Me: I don’t know if this would help her any, but there’s a big crystal chandelier in the dining room. Should I mention it to her?

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6
Q

Ernie: Bravissima

A

Me: Arregeno! Arregeno. The skin on the duck was so crispy.

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7
Q

Claire: Lenny wanted to call the police.

A

Me: So what are you saying? That it’s Ken’s responsibility? He takes the rap for this?

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8
Q

Lenny: What we’re saying is, if it comes down to it, he’s the most logical, that’s all.

A

Me: I can’t believe this. Ken almost went deaf trying to protect Charlie and everyone else here. I expected a little bit more from his friends. My God, what a bunch of wimps. Have you heard any of this Ken?

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9
Q

Cookie: I lost my earrings. My good earrings. My grandmother’s earrings.

A

Me: Where did you lose them?

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10
Q

Ken: Excuse me. I must have eaten too quickly.

A

Me: That was the intercom Ken. Not you.

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11
Q

Claire: Isn’t it odd that all the women’s names begin with a C?

A

Me: That’s right.

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12
Q

Cookie: Except Myra.

A

Me: Her middle name is Clara.

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13
Q

Claire: And the men’s names are all the same. Len, Glenn, Ken.

A

Me: That’s right.

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14
Q

Ken: Oh! Oh my God! Oh Jesus!

A

Me: What? What is it?

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15
Q

Cookie: I just thought of something. Glenn went to Penn.

A

Me: Oh sit on it will you honey.

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16
Q

Lenny: Ah shit the good side too I bet.

A

Me: I just figured it out.

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17
Q

Claire: I know what she’s going to say. Glenn, Ken and Len are all men.

A

Me: No no no. It’s Glenn Cooper. Glen is the one Myra is having the affair with.

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18
Q

Cookie: You think so.

A

Me: Figure it out. Myra’s been working very hard on Glenn’s campaign. Two three nights a week. Late nights.

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19
Q

Ken: Exactly. But he doesn’t know the rest of you know about the gunshot.

A

Me: Slower, go slower. Talk like we’re children.

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20
Q

Claire: And then you told everybody after Lenny told everybody.

A

Me: Go fast again. It doesn’t make any difference.

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21
Q

Ken: Will you all please be quiet. I can’t hear myself think. What was I saying?

A

Me: You said I should be the one who goes up. I tell Charley that everyone is here. And he asks Does everyone here know what’s happened. Ernie said you say no. You said I say no. Then Charley asks me well if I’m not down there and Myra’s not down there and the helps not down there…

22
Q

Ernie: Does she have a relative in the city?

A

Me: She has a cousin Florence.

23
Q

Ernie: Then Florence broke her hip.

A

Me: Florence is married. Why didn’t her husband take her?

24
Q

Lenny: I’ll tell you how many ways. Nervous phony sincere drunk

A

Me: scared guilty lying

25
Q

Claire: Maybe it was Myra

A

Me: Maybe it was Charley

26
Q

Lenny: And you’re running for the state senate? I wouldn’t let you run for Chinese food.

A

Me: What is wrong with you people? I’ve got a child at home who behaves better than we do.

27
Q

Lenny: Kill him Somebody kill him. Choke him with the telephone wire

A

Me: I’m very serious about this but I’m not going to be able to hold my bladder.

28
Q

Ernie: It won’t work tonight. Maybe some other time.

A

Me: If you let me go to the bathroom I’ll promise I’ll come back.

29
Q

Lenny: Now you know why they call her Cookie

A

Me: I’ve got it. We were listening to the Hitler program. The cannons were bombing Berlin. We couldn’t hear anything else.

30
Q

Glenn: The music. That’s it

A

Me: What is?

31
Q

Ken: Exactly. But we have to be sure whatever story the police hear, has to be one that’s not going to get us all in trouble.

A

Me: I never saw a sinking ship empty so fast.

32
Q

Ernie: yes it is dear but not if you do it well.

A

Me: can you believe we actually married these men?

33
Q

Claire: No wonder we didn’t get any phone calls. We wouldn’t hear them.

A

Me: That’s what it was. The music.
Cookie: It was on
All: so loud!

34
Q

Claire: I’m not sure. Chris, is Charley at home?

A

Me: Charley? I think he went to walk the dog.

35
Q

Claire: Her father lives in California.

A

Me: It has to do with cousins and warts and hips. It’s very complicated.

36
Q

Cookie: Do you understand him in real life?

A

Me: We don’t actually talk that much.

37
Q

Ken: I know it’s stupid but we have to do it. We need a Lenny.

A

Chris. Never mind. The girls will do it. Come on girls. The odd woman’s husband is Lenny.

38
Q

Claire: My husband is Lenny.

A

Me: No Lenny is Charley. You’re playing for Glenn. Get in a circle.

39
Q

Cookie: I don’t know how to play this.

A

Me: Just put out your fingers. We’ll do the counting. Odd finger loses. All right? Ready? One two three… No! No no no no! Cookie open your fist.

40
Q

Cookie: I don’t want to lose my earrings again.

A

Me: Just one or two fingers. All right? Here we go. One two three! Aha! It’s me! Fuck. Sorry, Ken.

41
Q

Welch: Never trust a man who doesn’t know if he’s here or not. Police Academy. Who are you ma’am?

A

Me: I’m his wife. His wife’s best friend. Her. Mrs. Ganz.

42
Q

Welch: Are you here alone ma’am?

A

Me: No. I’m here with my husband. Mr. Gorman.

43
Q

Welch: Where is he?

A

Me: Must have gone home early.

44
Q

Welch: Not much of a party, is it?

A

Me: It’s had its ups and downs.

45
Q

Welch: And to think I was almost out the door with this one. Mrs. Gorman?

A

Me: Is that me? Yes. Mrs. Gorman. Right.

46
Q

Welch: And what do you do?

A

Me: Well, mostly I’ve been helping with the drinks.

47
Q

Welch: Your occupation!

A

Me: Oh, nothing. No, not nothing. Well, I’m a liar – a lawyer! Sorry. And I’m a mother. I have two children. A boy. No one child. Sorry I’m very nervous.

48
Q

Cookie: Oh god I’m getting another spasm in my back.

A

Me: Oh who gives a shit?

49
Q

Lenny: I made the Spanish up too.

A

Me: You shit we all could have gone to jail for perjury.

50
Q

Claire: A toast to my husband Lenny. Just when I was getting bored with our marriage, I fell in love with him all over again.

A

All: To Lenny!
Me: I have an interesting question.
Cookie: What?
Me: What do you think really happened to Charley and Myra?

51
Q

Ernie: Hello? Yes Charley… We’re all here… Are you up to having some visitors? Wonderful. We’re dying to hear the story. We’re on the way. Charley is going to tell us the entire story.

A

Me: I hope it’s shorter than Lenny’s story.