Act 1 Scene 1

Question 1

Ken: Did he call yet?

Answer 1

Me: Wouldn’t I have yelled up?

Question 2

Ken: call him again

Answer 2

Me: I called him twice they’re looking for him. How is he?

Question 3

Ken: I’m not sure he’s bleeding like crazy

Answer 3

Me: oh my god

Question 4

Ken: It’s all over the room I don’t know why people decorate in white if he doesn’t call again in two minutes call the hospital

Answer 4

Me: I’m going to have a cigarette Ken

Question 5

Ken: After 18 months the hell you are hold onto yourself will you

Answer 5

Me: I can’t believe this is happening. Oh god. Ken the phone is ringing. Hello dr. Dudley? Oh dr Dudley I’m so glad it’s you. Your service said you were at the theater.
I never would have bothered you but this is an emergency.
I’m Chris Gorman. My husband Ken and I are good friends of Charlie Brocks.
It’s the doctor it’s the doctor.

Question 6

Ken: why didn’t you say so?

Answer 6

Me: dr. Dudley I’m afraid there’s been an accident. I would have called my own doctor but my husband is a lawyer and under the circumstances he thought it better to have Charlie’s own physician. Well we just arrived here at Charlie’s house about 10 minutes ago and as we were getting out of our car we suddenly heard this enormous

Question 7

Ken: don’t say anything

Answer 7

Me: what
Ken: don’t tell him what happened
Me: don’t tell him?
Ken: just do what I say
Me: what about Charlie

Question 8

Ken: he’s all right it’s just a powder burn. Don’t tell him about the gunshot

Answer 8

Me: But they got the doctor out of the theater

Question 9

Ken: tell him he tripped down the stairs and banged his head he’ll be all right

Answer 9

Me: but what about the blood

Question 10

Ken: the bullet went through his ear lobe it’s nothing I don’t want him to know

Answer 10

Me: but I already said we were getting out of the car and we suddenly heard an enormous what what did we hear

Question 11

Ken: we heard

Answer 11

Me: just a minute doctor

Question 12

Ken: we heard we heard we heard an enormous thud

Answer 12

Me: thud?

Question 13

Ken: when he tripped down the stairs

Answer 13

Me: good good that’s good. Dr. Dudley I’m sorry I was talking to my husband. Well we heard this enormous thud. It seemed Charlie tripped going up the stairs

Question 14

Ken: Down down the stairs

Answer 14

Me: Down the stairs. But he’s all right.

Question 15

Ken: He’s sitting up in bed he’ll call him in the morning

Answer 15

Me: He’s sitting up in bed he’ll call him in the morning

Question 16

Ken: you

Answer 16

Me: You he’ll call you in the morning

Question 17

Ken: You’re very sorry you disturbed him

Answer 17

Me: I’m very sorry I disturbed you

Question 18

Ken: But he’s really fine

Answer 18

Me: But he’s really fine

Question 19

Ken: thank you good bye

Answer 19

Me: Where are you going

Question 20

Ken: Him him thank him and say goodbye

Answer 20

Me: Oh. Thank you and goodbye doctor. What. Just a minute. Any dizziness.

Question 21

Ken: no no dizziness.

Answer 21

Me: No. No dizziness. What? Can he move his limbs?

Question 22

Ken: Yes he can move everything. Get off the phone.

Answer 22

Me: They got him out of Phantom of the opera. Yes he can move everything. What? Any slurring of the speech?

Question 23

Ken: No no slurring of the speech.

Answer 23

Me: Don’t yell at me he’ll hear it. No. No slurring of the speech.

Question 24

Ken: I’ve got to get back to Charlie.

Answer 24

Me: Any what? Any ringing of the ears?

Question 25

Ken: I can’t believe this. No. Tell him no.

Answer 25

Me: Yes. A little ringing in the ears.

Question 26

Ken: I told you to say no.

Answer 26

Me: It sounds more believable to have ringing.

Question 27

Ken: Jesus!

Answer 27

Me: Who? his wife Myra? Yes. Myra’s here.

Question 28

Ken: She’s not here. Don’t tell him she’s here. He’ll want to speak to her.

Answer 28

Me: Dr. Dudley? My mistake. She’s not here. I thought she was but she wasn’t.

Question 29

Ken: She just stepped out. She’ll be back in a minute.

Answer 29

Me: she just stepped back. She’ll be out in a minute. Yes. I’ll tell her to call. OK thank you Dr. diddly. Dudley. Enjoy the show. Ken and I saw it we loved it. Especially the second act. Who’s playing the Phantom tonight?

Question 30

Ken: Are you going to review the whole goddamn show?

Answer 30

Me: Oh. Charlie’s calling me. Just a minute Charlie. He sounds a lot better. I have to go. Yes Dr. I will. Don’t you ever do that to me again. He must suspect something. I didn’t get his name right once.

Question 31

Ken: If anyone calls again don’t answer it.

Answer 31

Me: Then why did you tell me the answer that one?

Question 32

Ken: Because I thought the bullet went through his head not his ear lobe. Fix me a double vodka. I left Charlie standing in the shower.

Answer 32

Me: If he drowns you’re making that call. I don’t know why were always the first ones here. Never came late once in our lives. Someone else could’ve dealt with all this. Oh shit! Shit shit shit shit!

Question 33

Ken: Who is that? Who is that?

Answer 33

Me: am I near the door? Do you see people in here? You think I’m on rollerskates?

Question 34

Ken: Let me think a minute.

Answer 34

Me: Take your time because I don’t answer doors. I only speak to Dr. Dudley.

Question 35

Ken: All right it’s got to be Lenny or Ernie one of the others we’ve got to open the door.

Answer 35

Me: You’ve got arms. Reach down.

Question 36

Ken: I’ve got to dry Charlie off and bandage his ear. Don’t tell them what happened. I need a few minutes to figure this out. Can’t you stall them?

Answer 36

Me: His best friends are coming to his 10th anniversary, his wife isn’t here, he shoots himself in the ear lobe and I’m supposed to make small talk when they come in?

Question 37

Ken: attempted suicide is a criminal offense not to mention a pretty ugly scandal. Charleys deputy mayor of New York. He’s my client and my best friend. I’ve got to protect him don’t I? Just play the hostess for a few minutes until I figure out how to handle this.

Answer 37

Me: Play the hostess? There’s no food out there’s no ice in the bucket. Where’s the help? Where’s cheese dip? Where’s Myra? What am I supposed to do till you get back, play charades? I’m lucky I can still speak English.

Question 38

Ken: You’re a lawyer yourself, can’t you figure out something to say?

Answer 38

Me: Contracts! I draw up legal publishing contracts. If someone walks in the door and wants to make a deal I can handle that!

Question 39

Ken: Take it easy. Calm down. I’ll be right back.

Answer 39

Me: put some slippers on Charlie and tell him to answer it.

Question 40

Ken: Would you relax? Drink my vodka.

Answer 40

Me: Why is a vodka better than two puffs of a cigarette?

Question 41

Ken: Because they know you quit and if they see smoke in here they’ll know something is wrong.

Answer 41

Me: You mean falling at their feet is going to look better? Claire darling you look beautiful where is Lenny?