5. Attraction and intimacy Flashcards
Factors affecting friendship and attraction
- Proximity
- Physical attraction
- Similarity
- Feeling liked
Proximity principle
Proximity (being around someone) strongly predicts liking.
Interaction and anticipation of interaction
Proximity - mere exposure
Exposure begets liking because as something becomes more familiar, we are less suspicious or afraid of it. Exposure reduces stereotyping because we see individual traits and distinctiveness more. Evolutionary.
Proximity in the digital age
In our digital age, proximity has expanded from physical/geographical proximity to mean functional distance (frequency of interaction). Had to redefine proximity.
Proximity example
Sharing a dormitory increased the volume of emails sent between undergraduates by two times, living on the same floor by another two times and sharing a room by a further three times.
Biological basis for physical attraction
Neurologically programmed to respond positively to physical beauty. More likely to look at faces we find attractive.
Physical-attractiveness stereotype
The tendency to believe that beautiful is good. Not totally a stereotype as they live up to the positive feedback they are given.
Physical attraction
▪ First impressions based on physical appearance.
▪ Benefits can wane quickly if reality doesn’t meet expectations.
▪ Too attractive can be less relatable.
Advertisers rely on this.
Evolutionary concept of physical attraction
Evolutionary idea that women need beauty and men need financial stability.
Study that put out fake profiles of a woman. Same profile picture for both. One presented as financially independent, successful, and ambitious. The other as lovely, very attractive, and slim. Financially independent got 2x the responses. Sceptical of the research as financially independent described in a more normal way.
Physical attraction and social desirability
The tendency of people to respond in a way that will be viewed positively by others, especially the researcher.
Social desirability example
Asked college students if they were equally attracted to able bodied and disabled people. Said they were. IAT - indicates that people actually prefer people who aren’t disabled (automatic response). Constructed response kicks in and can be different.
Matching phenomenon
The tendency for people to choose partners with roughly equivalent social attributes.
Matching phenomenon example
Study on 400 newlyweds. Strong - age, religiosity, political views. Moderate - education, verbal intelligence. Weak - personality, emotionality, attachment style.
Similarity
Similarity -> liking
Dissimilarity -> dislike
Humans naturally assume that people will like us and so when others don’t like us we don’t like it and produces more dislike.
Marriage and similarity
People seem slightly more prone to like and to marry those whose needs and personalities are similar.
Attitude alignment
Some complementarity may evolve as a relationship progresses (even a relationship between identical twins). Become even more similar when together. Harmonise in our attitudes.
Self-esteem and attraction
Low self-esteem individuals tend to underestimate how much their partner appreciates them, have less generous views of their partner, and feel less happy with the relationship.
Gaining another’s esteem
The most powerful determinant of interpersonal attraction is an indication that one is liked; and the best liked person is often the one who comments begin negatively but become increasingly positively.
Evaluative conditioning
How we can come to like or dislike something through an association with something we already like or dislike. The majority of likes and dislikes are learned. We like those we associate with good feelings. Conditioning creates positive feelings towards things and people linked with other stimuli we already regard as pleasant, positive, or beautiful.
Theory of attraction
We like those who reward us and those we associate with rewards.
Theory of attraction and the four factors
- Proximity - rewarding because it costs less time and effort to maintain relationships with people with whom you interact with often.
- Attraction - rewarding because we assume attractive people have other good qualities and we will benefit by association.
- Similarity - rewarded because we assume people who are like us will like us, and they validate our views.
- Feeling liked - rewarding because we like to be liked and love to be loved.
Robert Sternberg’s (1988) three basic components of love
Commitment
Intimacy
Passion
Commitment
Involves a conscious decision to stick with one another. The decision to remain committed is mainly determined by the level of satisfaction that a partner derives from the relationship.
Three ways to define commitment
A promise to do or give something.
A promise to be loyal to someone or something.
The attitude of someone who works very hard to do or support something.
Commitment as the cognitive side
Commitment represents a cognitive side of the love triangle; both a short-term decision to love another person and a long-term commitment to maintain that love. As relationship develops, commitment increases gradually at first and then grows more rapidly. Eventually it levels off or falls back to zero if the relationship fails.
Not just romantic relationships but also friendships.
If not committed will stop maintaining the relationship and then it will likely end.
Investment model
Satisfaction level + quality of alternatives + investment size -> Commitment level -> Probability of persistence
Investment model example
In studies examining heterosexual, gay, and lesbian relationships using the IM it was found that commitment and investment predicted relationship satisfaction and durability.
Conley & Moors (2014) three kinds of consensual non-monogamy
Polyamory
Swinging
Open relationships
Polyamory
Multiple individuals in a romantic relationship.
Swinging
Couples get involved sexually with other couples.
Open relationships
People in a relationship can get involved sexually with others.
Internal working model
Early attachments characterise later relationships.
Positive/negative view of the self and others.
This says that people are most likely going to be in these boxes but it is not set in stone so can fall in other boxes.
Secure attachment
Attachments rooted in trust and marked by intimacy.
Preoccupied attachment
Feeling unworthy and anxious, ambivalent and possessive.
Dismissing attachment
An avoidant relationship style marked by distrust of others.
Fearful attachment
An avoidant relationship style marked by fear of rejection.
Intimacy
Intimacy is the emotional aspect of love.
It grows steadily at first and then levels off. May become hidden or latent in some successful relationships particularly if people come to know each other well and are thus predictable. If it disappears entirely, the relationship is likely to collapse.
Key aspects of intimacy
Closeness
Sharing
Support
Communication
Self-disclosure
Revealing intimate aspects of oneself to others.
Social penetration theory
States that closeness between people develops because of gradual self-disclosure.
Disclosure reciprocity
The tendency for one person’s intimacy of self-disclosure to match that of a conversational partner. Disclose at equal levels.
Passion
A form of love characterised by intense love and longing for the other. Passionate lovers are absorbed in each other, feel ecstatic at attaining their partner’s love, and are disconsolate on losing it.
Passion is the motivational side of the triangle, which leads to physiological arousal and an intense desire to be united with the loved one. It has a positive force that is quick to develop and a negative force that takes hold more slowly, lasts longer, and explains the heartache that remains when love has gone.
Schachter’s theory
The perception of our emotions is based on two different cues:
→ Our evaluation of the environment tells us which emotion we are experiencing.
→ While the intensity of the psychological arousal tell us how strong our emotion is.
Passion and the social neuroscience
Passionate love is the psychological experience of being biologically aroused by someone we find attractive.
Caudate nucleus - became activated in couples who claimed to be intensely in love.
Non-love
No passion, intimacy or commitment
Liking/friendship
Only intimacy
Infatuated love
Only passion
Empty love
Only commitment
Romantic love
Intimacy and passion, but no commitment
Compassionate love
Intimacy and commitment, but no passion
Fatuous love
Passion and commitment, but no initmacy
Consummate love
Has intimacy, passion, and commitment.
Amount of love
Absolute strength of components
Type of love
Relative strengths
Equity
A condition in which the outcomes people receive from a relationship are proportional to what they contribute to it.
Perceived inequities trigger marital distress, which fosters the perception of inequalities.
Passion cluster
Fascination
Exclusiveness
Sexual desire
Caring cluster
Extreme sacrifice
Extreme advocation
Adam Grant - givers, takers and matchers
Takers are self-focused and put their own interests ahead of others’ needs.
Matchers like to preserve an equal balance of giving and taking.
Givers are others-focused and tend to provide support to others with no strings attached.
