3. Children & Grief

Question 1

What are some factors of understanding?

Answer 1

Age
Cognitive
Social
Emotional
Nature of death

Question 2

Who created the Child’s Understanding of Death

Answer 2

Rabbi Dr. Earl A. Grollman

Question 3

What age do children have no comprehension

Answer 3

Birth-3 years

Question 4

What age do children believe death is reversible (like sleep or a long journey)
They’re also influenced by media

Answer 4

3-5 years

Question 5

What age do children think death is final and often personified?
They also don’t believe it could happen to them

Answer 5

5-9 years

Question 6

At what age do children know death is final and inevitable?
They’re also aware of their own mortality

Answer 6

9+ years

Question 7

What happens if adults don’t explain death to children?

Answer 7

They’ll create their own stories and obsess over their own death

Question 8

What should you NEVER tell children?

Answer 8

Something they’ll need to unlearn later
Something you yourself don’t believe

Question 9

What age bracket is this:

• Have an adult understanding of death
• May not know how to handle emotions
• May show impulsive or reckless behavior
• May question their faith or view of world
• May not be receptive to family support
• May cope by spending more time with friends or withdrawing
• When grieving, if left alone could lead to mental illnesses and suicidal tendencies

Answer 9

Teenagers (13-19)

Question 10

What are some examples of what NOT to say to children?

Answer 10

• They’ve gone on a long journey
• God took them to Heaven
• They’re now in Heaven
• They died because they were sick
• To die is to sleep
• The more we add to the story, the more complicated it gets

Question 11

What are good things to say?

Answer 11

• Show own religious convictions
• Speak in concrete terms, not philosophical
• Grant permission to cry
• Express feelings

Question 12

Should children attend the funeral?

Answer 12

Yes, but give them the option

Question 13

What are the needs of Bereaved Children?

Answer 13

• Permission to cry and express emotions
• Let them do activities at funeral
• Honest and age appropriate answers
• Memorialization
• Involve in events surrounding death and rituals

Question 14

What are some ways to involve children in events surrounding death and rituals?

Answer 14

Write a goodbye letter
Paint hand and put in casket
Release balloon
Include them in mass
Take a picnic to the grave