WHO Doing What Matters During Stress Flashcards
When do we use grounding?
sometimes thoughts/feelings are very painful-overpowering-emotional storms
we then use grounding - get down from the tree - much safer on the ground
How do we ground?
slow down, connect with your body
slow and full breathing
slowly press feet into the floor
slowly stretch arms or slowly press hands together
then 54321
Notice how you are feeling
slow down, connect with body
slowly breathe out, stretch, push feet on the floor
refocus on the world around you
pay attention to what you can see, hear, touch, smell and taste
it should take about 30 seconds
you can do it anytime, anywhere
What does grounding do?
it keeps you safe until the emotional storm passes
some storms last long, some pass quickly
What does grounding not do?
grounding doesn’t make the storm disappear
What is the purpose of grounding?
the purpose is not to get rid of feelings
the purpose of unhooking and grounding is to help you engage in life
and to help you move towards your values - to behave more like the person you want to be
and help you focus on what you are doing so you can do it well
What are very painful or overwhelming thoughts/feelings like?
emotional storms
What are emotional storms?
sometimes thoughts/feelings are very painful-overpowering
What does learning grounding require?
it requires practice
the more you practice the better it gets
it’s like building muscles
practice throughout the day, at every chance you get
it can help to make a plan
like when and where, how many times you will practice
When can you practice grounding?
you can do it anytime, anywhere
What do difficult thoughts and feelings do?
they pull us away from our values
when we get hooked our behaviour changes.
we often start doing things that make our lives worse.
What hooks us?
difficult thoughts and feelings
What pulls us away from our values?
being hooked by difficult thoughts and feelings
What happens when we get hooked?
we get pulled away from our values
our behaviour changes.
we often start doing things that make our lives worse.
we disengage and get distracted
How do we unhook?
we unhook by refocusing and engaging in what we are doing
What happens when you engage and focus?
It helps you to move towards your values - to behave more like the person you want to be
and helps you focus on what you are doing so you can do it well
you may find it more satisfying
even the activities that are boring/frustrating
What to do when a thought/feeling hooks you again?
when you realise this
refocus
if thoughts and feelings hook you 1000 times
you unhook yourself 1000 times
When can you practice unhooking?
Anytime, anywhere
How do we tend to move away from our values?
fights/arguments/disagreements
withdrawal from people we love
or lying in bed
What do we tend to do when we get hooked?
(include the behaviors)
We tend to move away from our values
fights/arguments/disagreements
withdrawal from people we love
or lying in bed
Will difficult thoughts and feelings go away?
it makes sense that you would want them to go away
but is it realistic to think we can simply get rid of them?
think of all the ways you have tried to get rid of these thoughts and feelings
yelling, trying not to think, avoiding people/places/situations, isolating yourself, giving up, staying in bed, alcohol, drugs, arguments, blaming/criticising self
What are some of the ways you have tried to get rid of your thoughts/feelings?
yelling, trying not to think, avoiding people/places/situations, isolating yourself, giving up, staying in bed, alcohol, drugs, arguments, blaming/criticising self
What happens when we try to get rid of thoughts/feelings?
our life usually gets worse
What’s a new way of handling difficult thoughts and feelings?
instead of trying to push them away
stop struggling with them
and when you get hooked
unhook yourself again
What are some of the thoughts that hook you?
I will never find anyone.
I will fail, I will not be able to get success.
I will never be able to make enough money.
Where do you notice the feelings that hook you?
Chest, head, near eyebrows
What are the first two steps in unhooking?
Notice and Name
here is a thought/feeling
here is a tightness in my chest
here is a painful memory
here are fears about the future
here is a difficult thought about the past
here is anger
add I notice
I notice here is a thought/feeling
When do thoughts and feelings hook us?
when we are unaware of them
What’s the next step after noticing and naming?
refocus and engage fully
pay full attention
act on values
What steps do we follow when we get hooked?
(mention all of them)
Notice
Name
Re-engage and re-focus
Act on values
here is a difficult thought
and even with this difficult thought
I choose to act on my values
What are some times/places/situation for regular practice?
with family on phone
with friends when they visit the room
whenever shame, anxiety comes up
whenever freeze/shut down response comes up
whenever feeling sad, hopeless, lonely
What can you do while lying in bed, unable to sleep?
practice slowing down and connecting with the body
it may not make you sleep, but will help in feeling rested
What if you feel too tired/sad/angry/scared?
remind yourself over and over
it’s a new way
it takes a lot of practice
What are some unhelpful thoughts about this practice?
this is stupid
it’s not important
it doesn’t work
I can’t do it
I am too busy
as soon as you realise you have been hooked, notice, name and refocus
What are values?
values describe the kind of person you want to be
how you want to treat yourself and others and the world around you
What are goals?
goals describe what you are trying to get
What can you do when it’s impossible to achieve your goal at the moment?
you can still live your values of being kind, supportive, loving and caring
What can you do when you are in a difficult situation?
even if you are facing a difficult situation
separated from family and friends
you can still live your values
you can find little ways to act on these values with people around you
What happens when you focus more on your own actions?
the more you focus on your own actions
the more you can influence the immediate world around you
you may not stop the war
but can stop arguing with people
you may influence the people around you through your actions
When it comes to acting on values, what questions should you keep asking yourself?
do my actions support my values?
are my actions moving towards or away from your values?
What are your values?
honesty, fair, just, truthful
integrity
courage
humour
love, compassion, kindness
caring - for self and others
reasonably disciplined
patience, persistence
focus
What are your top 3 values?
What values does someone you admire embody?
courage, love, humour, compassion
In how many directions do values move toward?
Values go both ways
towards yourself and towards others
so caring and kindness towards self as well
What values do you want to live by with your family?
What values do you want to live by with your self?
What values do you want to live by with your friends?
What values do you want to live by with your work?
What does a giant tree grow from?
tiny seed
How big do your actions have to be to really matter?
even the tiniest actions matter
In the hardest and most stressful of times, what can you do?
you can take small actions to live by your values
What happens when you act on your values?
you begin to create a more satisfying and fulfilling life.
What will you do next week to act on your values?
What happens if difficult thoughts/feelings stop you from following your plans?
Notice, Name, Re-engage, Re-focus, Act on values
Even the tiniest action matters.
What can you do at the start of the day to remind yourself to live by your values?
start each day thinking of two or three values you want to live by.
Look for ways to act on those values.
And every time you act on your values, acknowledge it to yourself
What can you (to encourage yourself) do every time you act on your values?
every time you act on your values, acknowledge it to yourself
What are three possible responses to any situation?
Leave
Change what can be changed. Accept the pain that cannot be changed, and live by your values.
Give up and move away from values.
What if there’s nothing that you can do to change/improve your situation?
find other ways to live by your values
What’s the one thing that can help in improving any difficult situation, at least a little bit?
Being kind.
How would you like to be no matter how bad the situation?
Kind
In a difficult situation, who all should you be kind towards?
include yourself
In a difficult situation, how can you be kind towards yourself?
No matter how bad your situation
whether you are in danger
in a family argument
without income
you are always better off if you have a friend by your side
someone who is kind, caring and helpful
yet many of us are not kind to ourselves when we are in difficult situation
What’s an interesting way of being kind to yourself?
Take one of your hands, imagine filling it with kindness.
Place it on your chest or some other part,
feel the warmth flowing form your hand into your body.
See if you can be kind to yourself through this hand.
When you are in bed, unable to sleep, how can you be kind to yourself?
Place a hand over the painful feeling. See if you can be kind to yourself by imagining you are breathing through your hand to this painful feeling.
Explain making room.
No matter how sever the weather, the sky has room for it.
And sooner or later the weather always changes.
We can learn to be like the sky, and make room for difficult thoughts/feelings without being hurt by them.
What’s a helpful way of imagining a painful feeling?
It often helps to imagine a painful feeling as an object (like a brick on the chest).
