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Talking 💗 > Talking with 𝐓 > Flashcards

Talking with 𝐓 Flashcards

1
Q

What can I do to make sure Robert feels heard when we’re talking?
💗

A

When 𝐓 says how he thinks, how he feels, I’ll say a sentence acknowledging this. (Even if I don’t feel heard yet) “I hear you.”

I should also confirm he feels heard before I continue.

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2
Q

After I’ve talked, Robert …
And I …

A
  1. Robert tries his best to communicate that he heard me and he feels for me
  2. And I let him know when I feel understood and heard, so he knows I’m okay ❤️
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3
Q

After Robert has talked, I … and …

A
  1. I acknowledge it. I let him know I heard him, and I understand. ❤️
  2. And I confirm he feels heard.
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4
Q

What does three taps / three tugs on his shirt mean? 🥺

A

“I don’t feel heard” or another message I need to communicate 🥺

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5
Q

When one of us doesn’t feel heard 🥺

A

Three taps / Three tugs on his shirt 🥺

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6
Q

When I notice we’re misunderstanding each other more than once, or getting upset …

A

I should suggest we have a break, a moment of calm, or a change of scenery
☕🌷🏞️

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7
Q

What are the two things about trigger topics?

A
  1. Triggering me should to be avoided,
    at the same time some exposure is good for my healing.
  2. I should avoid overthinking about things I don’t understand yet,
    at the same time figuring it out
    takes away the trigger’s power.
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8
Q

If we’ve had stressful moments for a few days
in a row…

A

…we should take a break. Because we can’t lose control of our lives & our mental health. And if we’re not in a good state anymore, more upsetting things & more reactions happen. I get triggered more often, and Robert can’t be there for me as well ❤️

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9
Q

I feel he doesn’t want to talk to me, I feel more and more nervous to reach out, and upset, and the distance between us is growing… 🥺

A

The “We both think ‘He/She doesn’t want to talk to me’ at the same time” situation.

𝐓 is just a gentle and caring puppy-like person. And he loves me more than I understand. Of course he wants to talk to me. ❤️ It’s always safe to reach out. This fear is bullshit.

We agreed that if one of us notices distance, we would try our best to reach out first and stop suffering. ❤️
We both just love each other and prefer to talk softly and feel close for hours. ❤️

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10
Q
  1. The “We both think ‘He/She doesn’t want to talk to me’ at the same time” situation and
  2. How did we agree we would solve it?
A
  1. It’s anytime I start feeling nervous to reach out to 𝐓, though he loves me, and he cares. ❤️ He probably is feeling nervous to reach out too, because he’s thinking I don’t wanna talk to him. He probably just wants to hug me, talk to me, and stop feeling distant. ❤️
  2. We agreed that if one of us notices distance, we would try our best to reach out first and stop suffering. ❤️
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11
Q

If we ever had a stressful moment / miscommunication outside, when we get inside …

A

We agreed we would immediately try to talk to each other when we got inside
🫂❤️💗

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12
Q

If I notice we’re distant and I don’t feel comfortable about it…

A

We agreed that if one of us feels distant, we would try our best to reach out first and stop suffering. ❤️

𝐓 Loves me. Unconditionally.
I should trust him unconditionally.
He’s my family. 👫🏻❤️
He promised it’s always safe to reach out to him. ❤️ He’d love to hold me. ❤️ He just might not know I’m feeling this way 😔❤️❤️❤️

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13
Q

I think 𝐓 is ignoring me… 😥

A

He’s not. He would NEVER in a MILLION YEARS!!! 😌😌😌❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Hug him!!! ❤️ He probably doesn’t know what you need & that you feel that way about him ❤️❤️❤️ He fricking LOVES you!! He’s SO attentive to you. He can’t ignore you in a store even if you tell him. He loves and cares about you like crazy.
He would NEVER. ❤️ Ignore you. ❤️

Trust him and go to him and stop suffering this way please 🥺❤️

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14
Q

We shouldn’t talk when

A

It’s later than 21:00 / When I’m really tired 😴

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15
Q

21:00

A

The time I start getting tired / The beginning of downtime.
It’s generally not recommended to have deep conversations after this.
I should take better care of my sleep needs, it’s not Robert’s responsibility. 😌

I should set an alarm. I should tell Robert it’s getting late for me.

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16
Q

What is silent mode? 🤐

A

That’s when 𝐓 stops talking and can only say he loves me. I ask him to do that sometimes when I’m going to bed soon and I just want to finish saying goodbye to him.

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17
Q

I’m going to go to bed soon…

A

Ask Robert to go on silent mode. 🤐
So I can end the conversation and finish saying goodbye to him, and he won’t add anything, he’ll only say ‘I love you’.
😇❤️

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18
Q

Whenever Robert says he wants to talk about something …

A

I reassure him we will.
I want to. I always do. 💗

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19
Q
  1. We should talk …
  2. It means …
A
  1. Deliberately and regularly 💗💗💗
    To actually get through our topics.
  2. It means we plan our talks and talk often. And when we talk, we talk in a focused way and it’s clear what topics we’re going to talk about (It’s recommended to have them
    written out and in front of us)
20
Q

When we start to talk, the first six steps are …

A
  1. We have the topics we want to talk about today written out / We’re both aware of them
  2. We choose a topic and start talking about it
  3. One speaks at a time
  4. We confirm the other has finished talking before we respond
  5. We acknowledge
  6. We confirm that the other person feels heard
21
Q

“I’m not blaming you”

A

I should say that before talking about my more difficult / upset feelings / about something that happened that bothers me.

That would really help Robert. ❤️
He will always want to talk about it. 💗

22
Q

𝐓’s
“I need to talk to you 😢” / being blamed trigger

A

It would be best if I told him I trust him, I love him & he’s my family ❤️ first.

𝐓 will always want to talk about it. 💗💗💗

He just can get triggered / hurt when he’s feeling accused of hurting me, and he has to defend himself to me, that he isn’t a piece of shit who doesn’t love me, who was careless and who hurt me.

He LOVES me!! ❤️❤️❤️ He can’t stand being accused of hurting me. 🥺😢
That really hurts him!

𝐓 needs to feel safe and loved like me when we talk. He wants to talk calmly, while holding eachother. 🫂❤️❤️

23
Q

When I talk about something that’s bothering me, I should start by saying

A

“I’m not blaming you.”

It would really help Robert ❤️

24
Q

When we’re calling and I need to say / communicate something

A

“Three taps”

25
Q

When the other is talking, what should we avoid at all cost?

A

Interrupting and reacting. 🥺
It should be my Three Tugs On His Shirt moment 🥺🥺🥺🌷

26
Q

I’m spoken over / I wasn’t finished 🥺

A

“I don’t feel heard” 🥺
Three taps / Three tugs on his shirt

27
Q

I need a break / I think we should have a break 🥺🌷

A

Three taps / Three tugs on his shirt +
“I need a break” / 🌷

28
Q

I’m scared / What he’s saying is scaring me 😢

A

Three taps / Three tugs on his shirt +
“I’m scared” / 🥺🥺🥺

29
Q

“We need to…”

A

“Make right decisions in right moments to get through this okay.”

30
Q

Summarize our conversation safety (4)
💗💗💗

A

1. WE NEED TO BE OKAY FIRST AND FOREMOST (Okay in our lives, mental health & state ok. We have to have control of our lives.)
2. TALK & LEARN & HEAL & DEVELOP WHEN WE’RE OKAY (Talking deliberately and regularly, learning actively, notes, flashcards, therapist, books)
3. LEARN FROM OUR MISTAKES & CHANGE OUR PATTERNS (“We’ll grow from that” “We just got better” “We just got stronger” “We’re getting better”)
4. TAKE BREAKS BEFORE WE GET STRESSED (Take & Give each other breaks when we’ve been stressed)

31
Q

When we’re calling and I’m triggered, and he’s helping me …

A

I should hug a pillow and pretend it’s 𝐓 🥺❤️❤️

32
Q

What’s important when we’re with eachother is that …

A

We feel connected and close to eachother. What’s important is that we’re together. ❤️

We can get through any day, any tiredness, any “Beautiful plans not working out”, any failed beautiful dinner, any “Sadly going to bed later”, any “Waking up later than idealized” and “Going on our trip a few hours later” — we can get through anything, we can be okay, we can create new beautiful moments — as long as we’re together, and take comfort from having eachother.
❤️❤️🫂

Out of beautiful dinners, beautiful coffee and cake, and enjoying games together, and spending time with 𝐓,
I know that’s it’s him that actually matters to me :’)

I’m afraid of losing something… ❤️

33
Q

What’s important when we’re talking is that …

A

We feel close and connected to each other. When we feel love, safety and trust. That’s what will make us stronger, and makes it possible for us to talk and heal.
❤️❤️🫂

Feeling Safe and Loved and Cared for will end up mattering so much more to us than the topics we didn’t talk / talked about. ❤️

34
Q

We didn’t have enough time to talk / didn’t get to talk about many topics 😥

A

❤️❤️❤️💗💗💗.
We are always going to talk. ❤️❤️❤️
It will take us as long as it takes. It will probably take more time than we would like. It always takes more time than I think it will, and we’re fighting in the frontline. We have to face the things that challenge us all the time.
But we only have anywhere from 1 to a few dozen moments of being sad left.

Feeling Safe and Loved and Cared for will end up mattering so much more to us than the topics we had time / didn’t have time talk about.
❤️❤️🫂

35
Q

We shouldn’t (generally) text for too long when …

A

We’re having a stressful or emotional topic, or a longer discussion on messenger. If it’s gone on for 10-15 minutes already, or if we’re upset or stressed out, or we notice that the other is, the one to notice should ask for a call.

36
Q

When we start talking, the first step is

A
  1. We have the topics we want to talk about today written out / We’re both aware of them
37
Q

When I notice I’ve been a bit stressed / my mental health is bad, I should …

A

Communicate to T that I need a small stress break

“Hey :)) Just in case I’m letting you know I need a small stress break :))
You’re my family, T ❤️”
Add 🌷 to my nickname

38
Q

I should notice 𝐓’s …

A

Stress levels. I need to understand when 𝐓 needs a break.
We need to give each other breaks at right times.

39
Q

“We should take breaks & give each other breaks…

A

“Before we’re stressed out.”

40
Q

If our mental health / stress gets bad, we should talk about …

A

Just focusing on being a family for a little while (no more focusing on our romance & our developments)
Add 💙💜💚 to our nicknames

41
Q

If I know Robert has been stressed out, and I need to talk …

A

I should ask if he’s okay to talk about something :))

He always cares. And he always wants to be there for me. But he might need a break ❤️

42
Q

If Robert says he’s scared about what I’m saying or it’s hurting him …

A

I should notice it and stop

43
Q

When Robert can’t be there for me, he can’t be there for me

A

Even though it sucks when I need him to be there for me and he can’t, I should recognize that.

I should ask if he can talk, and if he can’t, I should listen to his audio clips and comfort myself. He can be there for me again soon ❤️❤️💗

44
Q

My mistake of calling 𝐓 when he was really stressed

A

…

45
Q

Our worst escalation

A

Me : Reacting / asking for help when 𝐓 is incredibly stressed out and needs a break (𝐓’s trigger is me being upset about something we did)

𝐓 : Sad and negative reaction about our relationship when I’m really upset / triggered and need a break

46
Q

“Avoid reactions…

A

“No matter what.”

47
Q

When we have a health issue / the other has a health issue …
♥️🏨♥️

A

Go to / tell them to go to a doctor immediately

Talking 💗 (6 decks)

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