Talking To Crazy By Mark Goulston

Question 1

The Four R’s if you believe that the person is sincerely interested in healing your relationship and is sane enough to try:

Answer 1

1. Remorse - Be very clear here: You’re not asking for regret. Regret is saying, “Okay, I messed up. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again, I promise. Can we just move on?” Regret is almost insulting. It’s like a dishonest politician saying, “Mistakes were made.” But if the person experiences remorse, she will feel incredible and almost unbearable pain for having hurt you. So if you look in her eyes and see real pain, that’s the first R.”
2. Restitution - If the person hurt you emotionally, then say, “This is what I want you to do. I am going to vent about what you did to me and how it hurt me. And I want you to listen without trying to argue or defend yourself until I’m completely done.” Then vent. And don’t stop until you’ve drained all the poison from your wound.”
3. Rehabilitation - Rehabilitation is where you need to see that the person has learned to deal with issues in a better, saner way.”
4. Requesting Forgiveness - If the person is committed to behaving in a healthy way, say, “I am willing to forgive you completely and let go of my grudge if you are willing to request my forgiveness.”

Tell the person, “There are four things I need from you.” Then talk through each one. 78%

— Talking to ‘Crazy’: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life by Mark Goulston
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