Scene 5 - Act 1 (Bathroom) Flashcards
*scene start
So that’s what happened. She walked in, I signed the contract and made a wish (They
look at Jack blankly) Don’t look at me like that.
I got home and Elvis popped round for a game of
Monopoly.
I’m serious
So you really believe this woman do you?
(Tom and Terry laugh at Jack’s expense)
We’ll just have to see won’t we? Just think of the money, the glamour. Just think of the
girls. Tom, your love life could do with a bit of a kick start.
No, no, no. I decided to take Jack’s advice and got myself a date with the lovely Debbie.
You are joking’. You and Debbie?
Park up. Back seat. Know what I mean? A non-
stop snogging frenzy.
The only action you’ve ever seen in that car is when you got stopped for running through a
red light.
A simple mistake
The red light was on the back of some poor bloke;s bike.
So I made that bit up about me and Debs. ‘She’ asked ‘me’ out but I
turned her down flat
Give over. No girl in her right mind would get in a car with you behind the wheel.
So that was nice.
Look you two, I got something to talk to you about. (Producing a ring)
Ah, ifs a lovely offer, mate but you’re not my type.
It’s for Jane. I’m going to ask her to marry me.
When?
Tonight, in here
What, in the bogs
No, not in the bogsl Well it’s about time isn’t it? We’ve been together six years. Aren’t you going to wish me good luck?
But what about your freedom?
I’m going to ask her to marry me. not chain me to a rock and dump me in the Thames.
But I thought you said .. .
Nevermind what I said
Come on, how about some tips. Tips on how to pull the birds.
You don’t need my help. I’ve seen the way girls look at you.
Like who?
Loads of people, there you are. How about her?
She’s looking
at me!
That’s a sign. Now say something .. _ romantic.
Here, what’s she doing in the bloke’s bogs? Jack, she’s
laughing at me.
She’s laughing ‘with’ you.
I’m not laughing!
Must be something to do with the fact that your flies are still undone then.
So how do the birds look at me?
Sort of… like … I’m only kidding;.
It’s because I’m ugly, isn’t it?
You’re not ugly_
An ugly duck.
An ugly ducky.
It can’t be the money, because you haven’t got any.
All right Tom
And it can’t be the car because you haven’t got one of those either.
Are you trying to cheer me up?
Sorry!
Listen, mate, the best thing to do is be honest with her. You need to set the mood_ A
romantic dinner for two, candlelight… that kind of thing.
