Part 4: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment Flashcards
If You Must Find Fault, This Is The Way To Begin
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
“It’s always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise for our good points.”
“Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is pain-killing.”
How To Criticize- and Not Be Hated for It
Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. (think Schwab with the cigars)
“Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word ‘but’ and ending with a critical statement.”
“This could be easily overcome by changing the word ‘but’ to ‘and.”
Talk About ____ ___ ________ First
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
“Admitting one’s own mistakes-even when one hasn’t corrected them-can help convince somebody to change his behavior.”
No One Likes to Take Orders. Do this instead.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
“He always gave people the opportunity to do things themselves; he never told his assistants to do things; he let them do them, let them learn from their mistakes.”
“A technique like that makes it easy for a person to correct errors. A technique like that saves a person’s pride and gives him or her a feeling of importance. It encourages cooperation instead of rebellion.”
Let the other person ____ _____.
Let the other person save face.
When you absolutely must criticize others, don’t put them down or destroy their ego. Use empathy to understand the other person first and be tactful when delivering the criticism.
How to Spur People On to Success
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in approbation and lavish in your praise.”
“Let us praise even the slightest improvement. That inspires the other person to keep on improving.”
Give a Dog a Good Name
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Remind others of the respect and great reputation they have to motivate them.
Make the Fault Seem ____ to Correct
Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct. Use encouragement.
“Tell your child, your spouse, or your employee that he or she is stupid or dumb at a certain thing, has no gift for it, and is doing it all wrong, and you have destroyed almost every incentive to try to improve. But use the opposite technique-be liberal with your encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do, let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has an undeveloped flair for it-and he will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.”
“Once he found learning was easy, his whole life changed.”
Make People ____ to Do What You Want
Make People Glad to Do What You Want. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
- “Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.
- Know exactly what is it you want the other person to do.
- Be empathetic. Ask yourself what it is the other person really wants.
- Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.
- Match those benefits to the other person’s wants.
- When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit.”
